


Post/Post

by anonymouschupacabra (accordingtomyresearch)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Eventual Smut, M/M, Military Ranks, Minor Character Death, Multi, genre related gore, just basically everyone, post-apocalypse au, some violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-07-11 11:19:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 75,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7047514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accordingtomyresearch/pseuds/anonymouschupacabra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unwilling to believe, Hinata turned his head just ever so slightly to get a better look at the man standing at the trash receptacle. His dark hair hung slightly in front of his eyes as he concentrated on tossing what was left from his food into the compost bin. Dropping his tray with a clatter on the counter, Hinata felt his throat begin to close in panic. <br/><i>How? Here? Why would this be happening now? I don't understand? How is this possible?</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so i've been writing this fic for a while and i think i've finally decide to start posting it. they are going to be long updates and not often since this fic takes so much out of me to write. but i'm just so excited about it i had to start posting it bit by bit.
> 
> this is probably the darkest fic i've ever written, and that's due to the nature of the material and the AU that i'm working in. i want to say fair warning, there will be decent amount of descriptions of violence and injuries and weapons so if you're kinda squeamish probably not the fic for you
> 
> but tbh i really love it and it's gonna so long and awesome and prepare for _a mountain of angst_

* * *

**Hinata**

      Favoring his left side, Hinata ran as best he could, following his friends into the abandoned house. The rickety front stairs creaking and shattering beneath him as he climbed the steps, slamming the front door behind him. He held his right hand against a bleeding gash on his right side, trying to create pressure but struggling to do so. Closing his eyes, Hinata slumped down on to the dust covered floor, he leaned his head back against the wall trying to ignore the pain in his side.

      “Hinata, I need to dress your wound or you're going to get an infection.” Hinata opened his eyes to see a worried, but determined looking Yamaguchi kneeling in front of him. “I need you to sit up as best you can so I can check your wound.”

      “Ok, just...give me a second to breathe here,” Hinata exhaled, closing his eyes again. The pain in his side only seemed to worsen with each subsequent breath. Though he was applying pressure, the bleeding hadn't slowed and he could feel it oozing through his fingers.

      “Please Hinata, I don't know how long we have here,” Yamaguchi insisted. Opening one eye, Hinata saw his friends face etched with concern and impatience. “Let me just bandage you up and then you can rest ok?”

      “Ok,” Hinata relented, sitting up more properly.

      “Hey guys I checked the whole house and it's empty, plus all the doors and windows are locked and blocked so we should be safe for a little while at least.” Hinata glanced up at Lev standing high above him. “We can probably spend the night here, and rest up.” He looked down at the bleeding gash in Hinata's side that Yamaguchi had exposed by cutting away some of Hinata shirt. “Maybe a few days if we really needed too.”

      “Does it really look that bad?” Hinata laughed weakly. He tried to glance down at his wound but couldn't move enough to see it.

      “It just looks worse than it probably really is,” Yamaguchi said cleaning the wound with a disinfectant.

      “Yeah, it just looks really bloody,” Lev added. “And gross.”

      “Oh thanks Lev,” Hinata said sarcastically. “That makes me feel loads better.”

      “Lev hand me the gauze,” Yamaguchi said ignoring them both. Clamouring over, Lev rifled through Yamaguchi’s medical bag until he found the last packet of white medical gauze. “Is it really the last one?” Yamaguchi said with a hint of despair in his voice.

      “It's...I can go find more,” Lev said confidently. “I think I saw a clinic a few miles back. Maybe it wasn't completely raided.”

      “Yamaguchi just forget it,” Hinata said pushing his hand away. “It's clean and it's not even that bad. They didn't even scratch me or bite me so I'm good. Save the gauze for a serious injury.”

      “This is a serious injury,” Yamaguchi said flatly. “You're going to get an infection, and I don't have any antibiotics for you.”

      “Let me go find some medicine,” Lev insisted again. “Maybe if I can even find something to...to…”

      “Lev, stop,” Hinata waved weakly. “There's nothing that hasn't already been raided and pillaged of usefulness. It's fine. I'll be ok.” Hinata turned his head to Yamaguchi who was frowning at him with deep concern and agitation. “Seriously I'll be fine,” he said trying to give his friend a smile, but through his pain his came out to a weak grimace.

      “I just want to be on the record for saying that is a really shitty idea and I don't agree with it,” Yamaguchi stated looking between Hinata and Lev. With that he stood up and walked away, going more into the house.

      “Stop looking at me like that,” Hinata said to Lev, who had been staring at him with wary expression. “I'm serious, I'll be ok. I really don't get sick.”

      “But it's not just that it's—”

      “Seriously, I'll be fine,” Hinata cut him off. With a dubious look, Lev turned and followed Yamaguchi more into the house and out of sight.

      Once he walked away completely, Hinata let out a pained gasp. His side hurt a lot more than he was letting on. The gash spanned a hand sized section diagonally across his right side, sending almost blinding pain throughout his body. Blood continued to leak from the wound staining the part of his shirt that Yamaguchi hadn't cut. It had been an incredibly close call; too close for Hinata's taste. Had he jumped just three seconds later he would have gotten gravely injured. As it is, a cut like the one he was currently coddling was basically a death sentence out here. With no real medicine, no way to protect wounds, and no real way of insuring health, any form of injury could be fatal. He just hoped that the disinfectant that Yamaguchi used would be enough to clean the wound.

      “Hey, Lev actually found some canned food stuffed inside a wall, I guess whoever hid it there thought someone wouldn't find it,” Yamaguchi said walking back into the room where Hinata was currently slumped. “Do you need me to help you up?”

      “No I got it,” Hinata said moving his legs to stand. But as soon as he began to put pressure on his right leg, it collapsed beneath him. “Ok, maybe yeah.”

      “Here,” Yamaguchi said bending down so Hinata could hook his arm around his shoulder. “You know,” he began as they started slowly walking towards the kitchen, “if this gets worse you need to tell me. Like, no hiding your pain, got it?”

      “You say that like I've done that before,” Hinata huffed, hobbling over to the ramshackle kitchen and sat down at the semi functional kitchen table.

      “You have done that before,” Yamaguchi frowned.

      “You're right,” Hinata smiled, pressing his hand back over his wound. “Ok I won't do that this time. I promise, no hiding the pain.”

      “We'll see,” Yamaguchi mumbled turning towards the stove.

      “Hey Hinata look what I found,” Lev said dropping about 10 cans on the flimsy table. “And it's not all beans this time.”

      “Thank god,” Hinata laughed.

      “Ten cans,” Yamaguchi said eyeing the pile on the table. “That should last us about...maybe the three days, four if we push it.”

      “That's perfect,” Hinata smiled. “It'll give me enough time to heal and then we can keep on moving.”

      “Yeah…” Yamaguchi hummed skeptically. “In theory. But I don't want you pushing yourself either. If you're not healed, you're not healed. No over exerting yourself just because you want to. That'll only take you longer to heal.”

      “You're right,” Hinata sighed. “As usual.”

      “I'm glad you see it my way,” Yamaguchi nodded picking up a can of soup from the table. “I'm gonna figure out a way to cook this, Lev give him some water ok?”

      “You got it,” Lev saluted as he pivoted out towards the other room where there stuff was later out in the floor.

      “Do you think the gas is still hooked up to the stove?” Yamaguchi asked hopefully.

      “Well you'll never know until you try,” Hinata said watching him pull out a small pot that was hanging dangerously from a broken cabinet above the counter.

      “True,” Yamaguchi nodded taking out a pack of matches from from his back pocket. Turning the knob to release the gas in the stove he lit the match and brought it to the stove top. The gas that was being released from the stove lit and held its flame. “Well what'd you know,” he said surprised.

      “See,” Hinata smiled.

      “Yeah,” now I just have to find a way to clean this pot so we don't die from food poisoning.”

      “Here Hinata,” Lev said walking back in and handing him a water container.

      “Thanks,” Hinata said taking the bottle. Setting it in the table, he struggled to open it with one hand until Lev just opened it for him. He brought it to his mouth and drank, forcing himself not to down the entire bottle in one sitting.

      “Hey so I was thinking,” Lev began.

      “Oh god, here we go,” Hinata commented, wiping his mouth the back of his hand careful not to spill the water.

      “Shut up, no seriously,” Lev continued. “I'm pretty sure I saw a clinic. I found a bike in the basement here, I can bike over really quick, grab some things and be back in under an hour.”

      “Lev I really don't think—” Yamaguchi started.

      “I can do this,” Lev insisted. “I'll wait till those CR—”

      “Lev!” Yamaguchi yelled. Lev and Hinata stared up at him, shocked the normally calm guy was looking at Lev with such contempt. “You are not going. We're not splitting up. We can't afford to be separated.”

      “But—”

      “The answer is no,” Yamaguchi said firmly. Clenching his jaw, Lev stomped out of the room. After a few moments Hinata spoke.

      “He's just trying to help.” Hinata watched Yamaguchi's shoulders tense. “You could cut him some slack.”

      “Yeah well it's his fault that we're—”

      “It's just as much my fault and yours as it is his,” Hinata interrupted. He watched Yamaguchi’s shoulders slump.

      “I know,” he sighed. “It's just…he keeps trying to help and it's just pissing me off. I wish he'd just shut up for once.” Yamaguchi clenched his hands around the dusty counter.

      “That's just the way he's dealing with it,” Hinata said quietly. “You can't begrudge him that.”

      “I'm not trying to,” Yamaguchi mumbled. “You're right,” he sighed turning around. “As usual.”

      “I know,” Hinata smiled. “You're fire is still going by the way.” With that Yamaguchi quickly turned around and dealt with the process of trying to heat the soup. Now that Yamaguchi's attention was elsewhere, Hinata let out a silent gasp. He couldn't believe how much pain he was in. He wasn't sure how he was going to be able to get better in time. Just to check, Hinata removed his hand from the wound; it was completely covered in blood. Cursing to himself quietly, he wiped his hand on his shirt and placed his hand back over his wound hoping that it would just get better.

* * *

 

      “He's not getting better.”

      “Don't you think I can see that!?”

      “But it's been three days.”

      “Lev, I fucking understand that's it's been three days. What am I supposed to do?”

      “I don't know.”

      “Then be quiet.”

      Hinata could hear them talking, but like it was in the far distance. His whole body felt hot and cold at the same time and he couldn't move. All of the muscles in his body felt sore and solid, like he'd just run a marathon even though he's barely moved in two days. His wound on his side was an angry red and hadn't stopped bleeding for more than a few hours at a time.

      “Look, I don't care what you think anymore, I'm going to find that clinic.”

      “We shouldn't split up.”

      “Well I can't bring him with me!” There was a long pause.

      “Fine.”

      “Good, I'm leaving now.” Hinata heard rustling, like Lev was packing a bag.

      “Wait,” Yamaguchi said. The noises stopped. “Take this.” Hinata could hear the faint clinking of metal.

      “Are you sure? But this is—”

      “Take it before I change my mind. You're going to need something to protect yourself if anything happens.”

      “Nothing is going to happen. I'm super careful.”

      “Lev…”

      “Ok, I mean I'm super careful now. Well, I'm going to try to be.”

      “Try extremely hard.”

      “I'll be back.” Hinata heard the distant sounds of the door opening and closing. He could barely even open his eyes to see where Yamaguchi was. All he knew was that he needed water, desperately.

      “Wa-water,” he choked reaching blindly towards where he thought Yamaguchi might be standing.

      “Here,” Yamaguchi said softly, catching Hinata’ hand in his and placing a water bottle in it. “Drink slowly.”

      “Thank you,” Hinata shuddered as the cold water went through him.

      “You're welcome,” Yamaguchi whispered. Hinata could feel him brushing his hair away from his forehead and placing his palm there. “You have a fever, exactly what I was afraid of.” Hinata couldn't even bring himself to answer his teeth were chattering so bad. “You idiot. I told you, you were going to get sick. I knew you were going to get an infection. I could have prevented it, I could have—”

      “It's...my fault,” Hinata groaned, taking a deep breath in between words. “I did this….to myself.”

      “No, you were only protecting us and I couldn't even keep you from getting sick,” Yamaguchi said despondently. “I'm so sorry Hinata.”

      “Stop talking… like I'm dying,” Hinata chattered.

      “I'm not,” Yamaguchi lied, his voice watery.

      “Yeah you are.”

      “I don't mean to be,” Yamaguchi whispered. Hinata took a wheezy breath, adjusting himself on the lumpy couch he was laying on. His chest felt like it was collapsing in on itself. Breathing was starting to become a chore. The pain in his side had become unbearable, so much so that he'd rather be unconscious than lay there in agony. He could feel himself start to fall asleep again, his mind running away from the pain.

* * *

 

      When Hinata awoke again, he was in gasping pain. His entire side felt like it was was on fire. Struggling for air, Hinata brought his hand up to his throat. He felt his clammy skin, covered cold sweat. The air felt thick in his lungs and his body was burning and cold at the same time.

      “Hinata you have to lay down,” Yamaguchi said pushing Hinata down onto the couch. Hinata couldn't see Yamaguchi in the darkness but he felt his gentle hands guiding him back to lay down.

      “Wha-what time is it?” Hinata asked looking around the almost completely dark room. Save for one small candle, the entire room was pitch black.

      “I'm not sure, probably somewhere around 3 in the morning,” Yamaguchi said in his false calm voice. Hinata wasn’t really functional or aware of much, but he could tell Yamaguchi was not as calm as he was pretending to be.

      “Where's Lev?” Hinata asked trying and failing to crane his neck to look around.

      “He—” Yamaguchi began. He sighed heavily and brought his hands up to his face as if to keep himself from crying. “He's not back yet.”

      “How long has it been?” Hinata wheezed, still finding it difficult to breathe.

      “Half a day,” Yamaguchi whispered.

      “This is my fault,” Hinata wheezed. “He left to help me.”

      “No, I shouldn't have let him go,” Yamaguchi said shaking his head. A spasm of pain went through Hinata and he began shaking uncontrollably. His arms and legs trembling and he screamed out in pain. “Hinata, Hinata please,” Yamaguchi pleaded, he wasn't even sure what for.

      “You…should...go,” Hinata managed to say between breaths. “Go…find…Lev.”

      “I'm not leaving you here,” Yamaguchi insisted. “And if I leave you here and then you…and Lev is… I just… I can't.”

      “I'm… sorry,” Hinata murmured.

      “Don't be,” Yamaguchi whispered, brushing Hinata hair from his forehead. Hinata's body was shaking violently, and his breath was coming in quick pants. “Don't be.”

* * *

 

      When Hinata awoke a third time Yamaguchi was crying. The dim, weak light of dawn flittering in through the cracks in the boards nailed up on the window. He could feel his hot tears landing on his hand in thick streams. Hinata wasn't in control of his body enough the move his hand to comfort his friend, and it distressed him to his core.

      “I'm just so sorry,” Yamaguchi cried, not aware that Hinata was awake. “I wanted so badly to protect you; you and Lev and I… I just couldn't. I can't do anything… I'm worthless.” Even through the haze of his mind  Hinata knew he wanted to comfort Yamaguchi as best he could. Struggling, Hinata managed to move his fingers slightly, trying to caress Yamaguchi’s face. “Are you awake?” Yamaguchi asked instantly lifting his head to look at Hinata. Barely able to keep his eyes open, Hinata managed to squeeze his fingers an infinitesimal amount, just enough for Yamaguchi to know that it was an answer to his question.

      “Oh god I'm so sorry Hinata. You've done so much for me and I couldn't even kept you alive. I should have died. You jumped in and saved me, but I should have died. I can never… I will never… I'm just so—” a sob cut him off, and he buried his face in Hinata's hand again. After a few moments, he sniffled and lifting his head up.

      “I don't know where Lev is. It's been like 18 hours and he should have been back by now. He's probably… He's probably dead.” Hinata squeezed his fingers one more time, trying to comfort him. “I'm… I don't think I'm going to go on after this… You're going to… And so soon after we lost everyone… I'm not able to handle this Hinata, I'm not capable of this level of loss.” Hinata started to feel himself drifting off again. “Once you leave me, I'll have nothing to live for.” The sounds of Yamaguchi weeping were the last thing he heard before he fell unconscious again.

* * *

 

      There was a hum of a fluorescent light and a steady mechanical beeping that roused Hinata out of sleep. The smell of clean sheets told him, even before opening his eyes, that he was somewhere new and unfamiliar. The bed below him was soft and warm, far better that anything he'd slept on in the past few weeks. He no longer felt the excruciating pain running through his body. Nor did he feel the combination of hot/cold that kept him sweating and trembling. He felt comfortable and very tired.

      Eyes fluttering open, his immediate assumption that he was somewhere new and unfamiliar was proven correct. He lay in a medical looking bed, a clean white sheet draped over him. Next to him was IV drip that was connected to his left hand. On the other side was a small heart monitor that was steadily beeping. Surrounding the bed was a large floor to ceiling curtain that created a room around his medical equipment, his bed and the two chairs that were sat on either side of the bed.

      Just as he went to try to sit up, part of the curtain was pulled aside letting in light from outside. Blinded momentarily, Hinata brought his hand up to his face to cover his eyes.

      “Oh you're awake,” said a calm but surprised voice. Blinking to adjust to the light, Hinata moved his hand just as the curtains closed. Standing by his bed was an ash blond man holding a clipboard. He had a soft, easy going smile and looked at Hinata like they'd been friends for years. “I thought you might be, that’s why I came to check on you.”

      “Who—” Hinata tried to speak, but his voice only came out as a gruff rasp. “Who are you?”

      “I'm Suga, I'm the doctor here,” he said walking over to the right side the bed.

      “Where am I?” Hinata asked, his voice just above a rough whisper.

      “You're in the Karasuno Camp,” Suga explained, picking up Hinata's wrist and looking down at his watch. “It's a survival camp. You're safe here.” Hinata didn't believe that for a second, but was in no state to argue.

      “My friends,” he asked. “Where are they?”

      “Here and perfectly safe,” he said setting down Hinata's hand and pulling out a pen from his shirt pocket. He scribbled something on the clipboard he was carrying and then looked down at Hinata. “I’ll alert them to your state right now. But try not to talk, or move around or get up. You'll pull your stitches.” Hinata nodded and Suga gave him a quick smile before gently pulling the curtain aside and stepping out.

      Trying to process, Hinata looked down at himself. Gently moving the blanket he could see that he was wearing only a pair of cotton pants that he didn't recognize and his side was wrapped in a thick white gauze. Trying to remember when he got his wound cleaned, he heard footsteps approaching the curtain again.

      “Hinata!” The curtain was yanked aside just as Lev hobbled in. He rushed over as fast as he could using his crutches to propel himself forward. “You're awake!”

      “Uh,” Hinata rasped startled by his friends excitement.

      “Oh Hinata I'm so glad you're ok,” Yamaguchi exhaled rushing over, taking a seat by his bed. “We were so worried when you weren't waking up.”

      “H-how long was I unconscious?” Hinata asked roughly.

      “Well, counting the days that we were in that abandoned house and the time you were here it was about 5 days,” Yamaguchi said gently.

      “Really?” Hinata rasped.

      “Yeah you've been super sick, we thought you might die,” Lev said dropping into the other seat. Yamaguchi sent him an annoyed glare.

      “We were worried that you _might_ die,” Yamaguchi clarified. “You were really touch and go there for a while.”

      “Whe-where are we exactly?” Hinata asked, his voice starting to come back a bit. “How did I get here?”

      “That's actually also the answer to how I sprained my ankle,” Lev said, leaning his crutches against the bed. “So when I left to go see if I could get some medicine, I kind of realized too late that the bike I was using was a bit too small for me.”

      “It was entirely too small for you,” Yamaguchi mumbled.

      “I was riding along towards where I thought the clinic was and I hit a tree branch and my bike and I tumbled into a ravine,” Lev said gesticulating wildly. “So I'm laying there right? I can't move my foot and and I can't walk and I'm lying there in the ravine for hours.”

      “Wow,” Hinata breathed.

      “Yeah it was pretty crazy,” Lev nodded. “Anyway, so I'm lying in this ditch for hours when I hear a truck rumbling by. So I start yelling so they can hear me. Luckily that actually works and the truck comes over to the ravine and they see me.”

      “You were so lucky,” Yamaguchi shook his head like he was angry.

      “Haha I know right?” Lev laughed, not seeing the gravity of the situation. “Anyway so these like three guys come out and they help me out and they drive me back to their camp—here—and then Suga— the doctor here— patches up my ankle and they give me food and water. After I told them about you and Yamaguchi and how I was on my way to go find medicine for you, they told me they were going to come and get you guys which was really awesome, although that one guy was being really weird when he carried you in, but I think he's just weird in general because when—”

      “Lev, you're rambling,” Yamaguchi cut him off.

      “Oh right,” he blinked. “Anyway, me and a few of the guys here drove over to that abandoned house where we were staying the next morning and brought you and Yamaguchi here. It's been all kinds of amazing.”

      “They just drove you over?” Hinata asked, surprised.

      “Yeah!” Lev said excitedly.

      “Believe it or not they have been incredibly accommodating,” Yamaguchi added. “They have brought us in, given us a place to live and food. They said we can stay here, as long as we pull our weight of course.”

      “Like... _stay_ stay?” Hinata questioned.

      “Yeah,” Yamaguchi nodded. “This place is amazing. They've been surviving here for years, maybe since the beginning. It's so secure and expansive and self sustaining. Hinata I think we finally found a place to survive. For good.”

      “I…” It was all too much for Hinata to take in at once. He went to sleep a dying survivalist and he woke up in a medical facility in a camp  where he could live. The drastic change had his head spinning more than the headache he already had. “Are you sure we can trust these people? You know we've met others before who've—”

      “No seriously Hinata, this place is awesome!” Lev cut in excitedly. “We have our own rooms in the dorm building and the cafeteria serves food they grow here and there's so many nice people here.”

      “Dorms?” Hinata repeated confused.

      “The camp is in an abandoned boarding school,” Yamaguchi explained. “Everyone lives in the dorms. It's actually a pretty genius set up. They didn't have to build anything really. Just re-enforce it.”

      “Um,” Hinata blinked, feeling overwhelmed. “I'm going to go back to sleep now.”

      “Good idea,” Yamaguchi said getting up from his seat. “Get some rest. We'll come see you in the morning.”

      “Yeah feel better Shou!” Lev said hopping up and placing his crutches under his arms.

      Giving them a weak wave, Hinata slid back under the covers.

      He tried to process what his friends just told him. Since the almost three years since the start of what he and Lev have come to call “the CRITSpocalypse” he felt like he would never be safe or secure again. Running from abandoned location to abandoned location, surviving on whatever he could find to keep himself alive, keep himself going. But now hearing that he could finally have a chance to rest and possibly live instead of survive, it sounded almost too good to be true. He couldn't let go of the thought that this was all still some fever dream he was having back at the abandoned house. But though he was nervous and still had his doubts about the legitimacy of the situation, Hinata couldn't help but fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhh omg i'm so happy with the positive response i've gotten so far!!! this is so exciting especially since this fic has been my like little baby i've been working on in secret for so long.   
> this chapter is also a lot of setup but it's all v important in integral to the story but also there's some plot and more angst! this story is gonna be like /super/ angst heavy (but what else is new lol)

* * *

      It took over 4 days for Hinata to released from the medical center. Though Suga explained that he wasn't completely healed and wouldn't be for a while, he was able to leave the hospital bed. Yamaguchi and Lev had come to see him everyday, and each day Hinata was able to stay awake longer until the last day he was up from the morning until night. Each time they'd come to visit him they'd explain more and more about the camp they were living in. From how the camp had its own farm and animals to produce food, to how they'd converted the expansive school into survivable living space, and how they'd fortified the surrounding area and the camp was incredibly safe. 

      Though Yamaguchi and Lev spent days explaining all that, it still seemed like a distant idea. Like some form of salvation was only a desperate dream that he couldn't quite grasp no matter how hard he thought about it. Yet, as he pulled on the clothes that Yamaguchi brought for him while he listened to his friend buzz about showing him around, it started to almost feel real. 

      “Major Tanaka had the room next to mine cleared out for you,” Yamaguchi explained as Hinata slowly dressed himself. He felt a lot better, but he still did have much mobility because of his wound on his side and stretching to dress himself was quite painful. “It's on the first floor so no stairs for you which I thought you would appreciate.”

      “I do, thank you,” Hinata nodded as he struggled to get on the grey long sleeve shirt that Yamaguchi brought for him to wear. 

      “Here stop, you're going to pull your stitches,” Yamaguchi said pulling down Hinata shirt for him. “Do you need help help with your jeans too?”

      “No...maybe,” Hinata mumbled as slowly pulled on the light denim jeans. “Actually I got it. I have to do it. Can't have you dressing me every morning.”

      “Very true,” Yamaguchi agreed. “Are you feeling better?”

      “Loads,” Hinata smiled, zipping up his jeans. 

      “Good.”

      “I'm still in a bit of pain but nothing I can't handle,” Hinata sighed, smoothing out his shirt. “Thanks for bringing me new clothes, I don't think I could've worn those other clothes again honestly.”

      “Well besides the fact that they were ripped and covered in blood and sweat,” Yamaguchi smirked. 

      “Yeah exactly,” Hinata laughed slipping on his boots. “Ok. I'm ready. I need to get out of here.”

      “I'm surprised you're not climbing the walls,” Yamaguchi chuckled getting up from his chair. 

      “Actually,” Hinata laughed sheepishly, “I kind of am. Suga already got mad at me twice for trying to leave beyond the medical floor.” 

      “He would,” Yamaguchi smiled, pulling aside the curtain. “Lev is going to meet us later for dinner. He's working in the armory.” Hinata gave him a weary look. “I know, but apparently the Major who runs it, thought his enthusiasm was amusing.”

      “That's a word for it,” Hinata laughed following Yamaguchi through the curtained medical center. 

      “Leaving us already?” Hinata turned to the nurse organizing one of the medical cupboards. She tucked an errant strand of blonde hair behind her ear as she climbed down from the step stool. 

      “Don't worry, I'll probably be back Yachi,” Hinata smiled. 

      “Not too soon I hope,” she laughed. 

      “I don't know,” Yamaguchi crossed his arms. “With him, he might be back within the week.”

      “Very possible,” Hinata nodded. 

      “Well, we'll keep your bed ready then,” she smiled. 

      “Thanks,” Hinata waved as he and Yamaguchi continued out of the medical center. They stepped out of the large double doors into the wide hallway and Hinata became instantly nervous. “Um… So, where to now?” 

      “Well I thought maybe you'd like to see your new room,” Yamaguchi said featuring for them to start down the hall. “Settle in. Then later we'll get some food. Meet some of the other people.”

      “Uh yeah,” Hinata nodded as he followed Yamaguchi, feeling slightly more nervous. “I'm assuming that people know I exist and I'm not just coming in… You know… Like… I don't know, some random guy who just showed up and whatever.”

      “Not at all,” Yamaguchi shook. “Everyone I've spoken to about you is very eager for your recovery.”

      “Really?” Hinata asked surprised. 

      “Yeah, especially the people who came to rescue us—well not everyone, but that guy is weird.”

      “Weird?” Hinata asked. 

      “Yeah, one of the Captains is really odd but you literally never have to deal with him,” Yamaguchi explained. “He's on the Special Missions Unit so apparently he and his unit are never still for long. They usually spend their days out beyond the confines of the camp.” 

      “Special Missions?” Hinata asked as Yamaguchi turned right to ascend a large wide staircase. 

      “Yeah but apparently that just means raiding and scavenging,” Yamaguchi said. “And of course, on occasion rescue.” 

      “Thank god,” Hinata laughed dryly as they came to the top of the steps. 

      “Yeah lucky for us, they also rescue,” Yamaguchi chuckled as he turned towards a slightly crowded hall. A few people seemed to nod at Yamaguchi in acknowledgement as they walked towards a large spacious front entry way. “Here, the dorms are just outside to the right.”

      Yamaguchi guided him through the lobby that fed out it three directions; the staircase they walked up, the stairs continuing up to another floor and a few steps that led into wide hall that appeared to go into a cafeteria . They walked out the front doors and into an enormous courtyard filled with people milling about. 

      “You seem to already know your way around the place,” Hinata noticed as Yamaguchi easy navigated through the courtyard with else. He looked around counting four buildings that surrounded the spacious courtyard. He tapped Yamaguchi on the shoulder to get his attention and they came to a stop. “What's each building?”

      “Well remember how I said this use to be some boarding school?” Yamaguchi said, Hinata nodded. “So that building we just came out of,” he gestured behind him, “that used to be classrooms, the dining hall, and the infirmary— which you know well.”

      “No kidding.”

      “Now it's just the medical center and a lot of various things. The dining hall, the school, the labs, the botanical nursery, and all the other little specialist things. Honestly I'm not exactly sure what's all in there, I've only gone to a few things. Medical center, dining hall, botanical nursery, the seamstress, stuff like that.” Hinata nodded understandingly. “That one,” Yamaguchi gestured to the long and tall brick building, “there's where the dorms are. Everyone lives in there, it only makes sense.”

      “How many people live in this camp?”

      “I'm not really sure,” Yamaguchi said thoughtfully. “Maybe 300?”

      “And those?” he asked pointing to the other two buildings. 

      "Well the smaller stone building is a library,” Yamaguchi motioned to the white building with a small set of stone steps leading up to the entrance. “And the bigger glass building is the gym and rec center. It has a gym and all those sports things but now they just use it for training and weaponry practice. Only MAPs officers allowed in.”

      “Maps?” Hinata repeated.

      “No, MAPs: Military Appointed Personal,” Yamaguchi explained. 

      “So it's not the actual  _ military _ military?” Hinata asked confused. 

      “Not that I'm aware of,” Yamaguchi shrugged. “But they run it like the army, even down to the rankings and the officials. My theory is they had assistance from the military when they first started and it all just stuck.”

      “Makes sense.”

      “Yeah I haven't really haven't given it much thought to be honest,” Yamaguchi rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I've been just too happy to be here really.”

      “I totally understand,” Hinata nodded. 

      “Right, well let me show you to your room.” They continued toward the long brick dorm building. Yamaguchi led the way up the stairs and into the building where he motioned for Hinata to followed him down the left hallway. They walked almost to the end of the hall until they reached the last two doors on the right. 

      “Well this one's mine,” Yamaguchi said pointing to the door that read A12. “Yours is next to mine, A10.”

      “Wow hall buddies huh?” Hinata smiled. 

      “Yeah I feel like college all over again,” Yamaguchi laughed. “Hopefully with much higher survival rate.”

      “Quite true,” Hinata huffed. He looked at the door. The pale silver lettering had a ring of dust around it and one of the screws keeping the 1 in place seemed to be missing. But Hinata didn't care. To him it looked incredibly inviting. “So um…can I go inside?”

      “Oh yeah here,” Yamaguchi said pulling out a key from his back pocket and hanging it the Hinata. “Major Tanaka gave it to me to give to you. He didn't think he'd be able to see you before dinner so he gave it to me.”

      “Oh well tell him thanks,” Hinata said gratefully. 

      “Do it yourself at dinner man,” Yamaguchi said patting him on the shoulder. 

      “Oh right,” Hinata said gripping the key excitedly. “Um so I'm going to go in now…”

      “Ok yeah, cool. I'll leave you to it for a while. You know, get settled and stuff,” Yamaguchi nodded. “I'll come get you for dinner, but I got to get back to work at the rooftop nursery. Who knew my degree in Botany would actually come in handy?”

      “I'm sure you planned for an apocalypse,” Hinata snarked.

      “Couldn't have planned it better if I tried,” Yamaguchi laughed as he began to walk back down the hall. “See you in a bit Hinata!”

      With a small wave to his friend, Hinata took a deep breath once he was out of sight. Tired from all the movement after days of nothing, he felt a bit out of breath; but he couldn't completely attribute that to being winded. He was feeling anxious. And nervous. And excited. All in ways that he hadn't felt properly in years. Truly excited. Like, small child on the night before a field trip excited. 

      He took the key in hand and slipped it into the lock. He half expected it to not turn, but he heard the metallic clinking of the lock mechanisms turning and the door slowly opened. Taking a slow step inside, Hinata slipped the key back into his pocket. The room was basically what he was expecting. A small room that fit a bed a set of drawers a small table and some empty space near the closet. It's only window was about the size of half of the wall in sat on, overlooking the acres and acres of farmland that the camp used to grow their food just on the other side of the building. It seemed dim and perhaps less dusty than he'd expected and overall just quiet. Overwhelmed, Hinata sat down on the bed and began to cry.

* * *

 

      “There you are, I've been looking all over the place for you!” Yamaguchi chided as he ran towards Hinata, who sat on the ledge of the rooftop on the dorm building where he'd been for the better part of the afternoon. “I thought I'd find you up here.” Yamaguchi threw his legs over and sat on the wide ledge next to Hinata. 

      “I've been watching them farm,” Hinata said motioning to the mostly vacant farm below them. 

      “Then you saw that most of them went in for dinner a little while ago,” Yamaguchi pointed out softly. Hinata didn't say anything, he only continued watching the crows fly small circles over the crops. “You know—”

      “You knew I'd be up here?” Hinata asked not looking over at Yamaguchi. 

      “Yeah,” he breathed like it was obvious. 

      “I...I don't know I how feel about handouts,” Hinata stated. He stared towards the setting sun as the last rays of its light illuminated the fields and the buildings. “They have given us so much I— that room… it's better than the room I had before all this even happened. Maybe after I recover I'm probably just going to—”

      “Stop right there,” Yamaguchi silenced him with a wave of his hand. “You have struggled and worked too hard these past years to give up on a chance at safety. Real safety. I don't care that you're feeling like you haven't worked for this, because you have. And I'm not going to let you run off.” Yamaguchi stared at him with such seriousness that Hinata actually felt himself blanch a bit under his friends stare. “And plus, this isn't a handout. They expect you to become part of the group, that means working. You're going to use your skills to help the camp and that's why you get to stay.”

      “Ok I… That makes me feel better,” Hinata gave Yamaguchi a small smile. 

      “Good,” Yamaguchi nodded. “No more running away talk. Let's go get dinner ok? I want to introduce you to a few people.”

      They climbed down the staircase and exited the dorm building along with a few of the other stragglers who hadn't gone to dinner yet. They all smiled at Hinata and Yamaguchi and seemed friendly enough, so Hinata didn't feel completely out of place. They walked across the courtyard back towards the largest building that housed all of the main facilities. Climbing the stairs with a slight pain in his side, Hinata watched as dozens of people file into the lobby of the building, all going up the wide staircase. 

      “Who knew that the apocalypse involved so many stairs?” Hinata whispered as they ascended to the first floor. Yamaguchi chuckled quietly as he motioned for Hinata to follow him to the left and into the dining hall. 

      The hall itself was basically what Hinata was expecting; a fairly standard cafeteria with cream colored walls and dozens of large round tables with wooden chairs surrounding them. The kitchen was open to the dining room with a long bar where food was constantly being served from. The hall was filled with people of all types and ages, ranging from old men slumped around a table playing a card game to to mothers trying to control their young children to keep them from running amok. Men and women of all ages ate and talked in the dining hall, each with a full plate of food in front of them. 

      It wasn't the actual dining hall that surprised Hinata, but the mere fact that there was one. Here, in the midst of a horribly harsh and traumatic time, there could be something as normal as a dining hall where people can come and eat without fear of there not being food there tomorrow. 

      “Guys! Guys! Guys over here!” Lev’s voice cut through Hinata's thoughts. He turned his attention to his right where his gangly friend was waving a large hand in the air. “Guys come sit here!” Yamaguchi and Hinata walked over to the table where their excited friend was sitting. His eyes sweeping across the table, Hinata looked at the other people Lev was dining with. There were two other men there both watching Lev with a mix of friendly endearment and annoyance. 

      “Hey thanks for saving a seat for us guys,” Yamaguchi said pulling out a chair for him to sit in, motioning for Hinata to take the one between him and Lev. 

      “No problem,” one of the other men smiled who was sat across from Hinata. He had a tired, but friendly smile that made Hinata feel welcome. 

      “Thank you…” Hinata trailed off not sure of this name. 

      “Daichi,” he said. 

      “Lieutenant Colonel Daichi,” Suga corrected as he appeared behind Daichi with a tray carrying two plates of food. 

      “Eh, the title is clunky,” Daichi shrugged, taking the tray from Sugas hands. “I prefer Daichi anyway.”

      “Well I prefer Major Kuroo,” said the man sitting next to him. Hinata looked over at him as he turned to smirk at him. “Pleased to see that you’ve recovered Hinata.”

      “Oh um, thank you,” Hinata said surprised that he already knew him by name. 

      “Yamaguchi had already told us all about you and how you were recovering very well,” Kuroo explained, moving his chair aside so Suga could place the chair he took from another table between him and Daichi. 

      “He recovered amazingly well,” Suga said passing Daichi his cup of water off the tray. “It was a bit touch and go right at the beginning because…well I don't want to ruin anyone's appetite, but it was pretty graphic. But really after the first day or so I knew he was going to recover.”

      “Yeah I know, his side had like puss and blood and smelled horrible, it was super gross,” Lev said completely unaware of the annoyed look Suga was sending him. 

      “Yes thank you,” Suga mumbled. “Not like I was avoiding describing that or anything…”

      “Was I really in that bad of a shape?” Hinata asked mostly to himself. 

      “Yeah it was pretty gross,” Kuroo agreed grabbing a chunk of potatoes off Sugas plate and popping it in his mouth. “I saw you when the SMU guys brought you into the hospital. Totally gross.” 

      “Thanks,” Hinata swallowed suddenly feeling ill. 

      “Hinata are you ok?” Yamaguchi asked, placing his hand on his friend’s arm. “You suddenly look really pale.”

      “Have you eaten?” Suga asked leaning forward on the table. 

      “Um no, not since I left the medical center,” Hinata shook. 

      “You should go get something to eat,” Daichi said. “Yamaguchi take him to get something to eat please.” Yamaguchi nodded and took Hinata by the arm and walked him over to the service bar. 

      “Hey are you alright?” Yamaguchi asked as he handed Hinata a tray with a plate. 

      “Yeah I'm fine, it's just hearing about how close I was to dying really freaked me out for a second there,” Hinata breathed. 

      “I—” Yamaguchi cut himself off and looked down at his feet. “I'm so sorry that I let it get that bad. You...you got hurt because of me and if I had just maybe—”

      “No, I made a choice. And I don't regret that. I don't regret any of that if it means we could all come here. And if this...” Hinata took a deep breath, “and if this place is really as amazing as you say it is, then it would have been worth it.”

      “It really is amazing,” Yamaguchi said with such gravity that Hinata almost felt obligated to believe him. “You'll see, I promise.” Yamaguchi gave him a warm smile then turned to the bar of food and began serving himself food on his plate. 

      “Yeah...I gue—” Hinata couldn't finished his sentence. He had turned to follow Yamaguchi along the food bar to serve himself food when he felt his entire body go cold. An unpleasantly familiar silhouette caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. Unwilling to believe, Hinata turned his head just ever so slightly to get a better look at the man standing at the trash receptacle. His dark hair hung slightly in front of his eyes as he concentrated on tossing what was left from his food into the compost bin. Dropping his tray with a clatter on the counter, Hinata felt his throat begin to close in panic. 

_       How? Here? Why would this be happening now? I don't understand? How is this possible? _

      “Hinata what's wrong?” Yamaguchi asked, looking concernedly at his friend. “Are you ok?”

      “I…” Hinata couldn't get words out. His entire mouth felt like it had gone numb and someone had then filled it with cotton. 

      “Hinata you're trembling,” Yamaguchi whispered, abandoning his tray and placing both arms on his shoulders. Hinata noticed a few people around them starting to look over at him. Not wanting to draw anymore attention himself, Hinata took a small step out of Yamaguchi's grasp. 

      “I...I'm… I have to go. I'm not hungry,” Hinata muttered before pivoting quickly and practically running out of the dining hall. He could hear Yamaguchi calling after him but he didn't stop, he didn't even turn around. The pain in his side started to worsen as he broke out into a full sprint towards the dorms. Reaching the building, he didn't stop until he climbed up all the steps and swung the roof door open. Once on the roof he took massive, heaving breaths trying to get his heart to stop pounding so furiously. 

_       I don't understand. I don't understand. It's been so long. Why am I still feeling like this? I can't be still like this. I moved on. I'm ok now. But how? And here? Why is this happening?  _

      He toppled over against the door, pressing his hand to his side. He could feel warm blood on his fingers and he knew he must have ripped his stitches; Suga want going to be too happy about that. But he couldn't bring it in himself to care. A million thoughts were swimming in his head and the only coherent word that he could come up with was,  _ why _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder??? who??? that??? could??? be?????


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I wanted to say that from here on out there are going to a lot of flashbacks to different points in time. It should be obvious when it's a flashback, for example this first part before the first division is a flashback and then it goes back to the present. There are going to be a lot more flashbacks in future chapters but if it starts to get confusing let me know lol

* * *

      Turning over in his place on the soft bed, Hinata settled in more comfortably against the warm body next to him. The darkness of the small hours of the night filled the bedroom making it difficult to see anything in front of him. But moving his arm, he could feel the hard planes of the muscular chest underneath him and he knew exactly what the sight was. 

      “Are you still awake?”

      “Yeah,” Hinata whispered. “I...I can’t fall asleep.” He felt the body shift towards him. “I keep… thinking about it.” His eyes tried to focus on the face in front of him in the dark. His mind supplied the image of the strong masculine face that he knew was so close to his in the dark.

      “It was very traumatic.”

      “They… they look like people but they’re not… they’re not people anymore,” Hinata breathed. “It’s so...horrifying.” There was a long lull; could only hear their mixed breathing in the quiet of the bedroom.

      “This place is safe.” 

      “Do you know that?” Hinata asked him. “Ushijima are you sure we're safe here? In this mansion?”

      “Yes.”

* * *

 

      Hinata woke up to the chill of a summer night. Blinking to clear the sleep from his eyes he saw that he was still on the roof of the dorm building. His hand, still tightly pressed against his wound, now felt numb and sticky with blood from his reopened wound. Grunting in pain, Hinata forced himself to stand. His body trembled in both pain and in cold as he began down the stairs from the roof. 

      Knowing he probably ripped his stitches, Hinata began crossing the courtyard towards the main building to get to the medical center. The courtyard was illuminated by several small fires in stone fire pits along the paths. The unearthly quietness that Hinata had gotten used to since the start, seemed foreign after days of staying the populated medical center. 

      Trembling more in pain, Hinata quickly climbed the stairs and walked into the lobby.holding his hand to his side he crossed the main lobby and descended the stairs to the medical center. Just as he got to the bottom of the stairs, he felt a bit of warm blood on his hands. Using his other hand, Hinata pushed open the door and slumped against it. 

      “Hinata?” Yachi asked rushing over. She placed the box in her hand on an empty counter top and came to kneel in front of Hinata. “Come, let's get you to a bed.” She slung his left arm around her shoulder and helped him carefully shuffle over to an empty bed whose curtains were drawn back. 

      “Thank you,” Hinata whispered, pressing his hand to his side. 

      “No problem,” she nodded. “Let me see.” He laid back in the bed and pulled up his shirt to reveal his wound which had its stitches slightly torn with fresh blood dripping on his side. 

      “I tore my stitches,” he said matter-of-factly. 

      “I can see that,” she sighed getting up. Hinata turned his head up to the ceiling and closed his eyes. He could hear Yachi rummaging around and then her swift steps coming back before the sounds of her setting down what sounded like a metal box on the bed. He cracked one eye open and twisted his head to look at her as she pulled out thread for stitching. 

      “Are you going to redo it?” he asked gently. 

      “I have to, otherwise you'll get an infection or it won't heal,” she said with much focus in her voice. He twisted his head back up to the ceiling and closed his eyes again. 

      “I'm sorry,” he breathed. 

      “It's fine,” Yachi sighed, as she cleaned the wound. “You said you'd be back so… Don't worry about it.” Hinata could hear the smile in her voice. He began to smile back but immediately winced in pain as she dabbed a cotton ball with rubbing alcohol to clean the wound then again when she stuck the needle into his skin. “Sorry, sorry.”

      “No it's fine,” he said tightly. He bite his lip through the pain for the few minutes she sewed him up. Afterward she cleaned off the wound again and he opened his eyes. 

      “So I've fixed you up,” Yachi said closing the metal box with a snap. “So please don't go pulling out your stitches again. I'd hate to do that a 3rd time.”

      “You did my stitches the first time?” Hinata asked sitting up gently. 

      “Yeah actually,” Yachi smiled looking proud of herself. “I've gotten really good so I'm kind of amazed you managed the tear them. What did you do? Go for a run?” She laughed jokingly. 

      “Well… Not exactly,” Hinata muttered pulling his shirt back on. He could see a large dark red stain on his shirt from where he had bled but decided to ignore it for now. “Thanks again Yachi.”

      “Anytime— well not  _ anytime  _ exactly, try not to do this again,” she said putting away the metal box in a cabinet on the other side of the room. Hinata looked around for the first time since he'd stumbled in. Like before, a few of the beds were empty, the curtains around them drawn back against the wall. There was a woman sleeping in one bed on the farthest side of the room and the curtains around the bed next to where Hinata spent his first few days were drawn shut. Though curious as to who came in right after himself, Hinata decided not to ask and got up off the bed. 

      “Thanks, I'm going to go back now,” Hinata said walking towards the door. Yachi gave him a small wave before she walked over to the sleeping woman. He walked out, feeling much better than he felt walking in, though his side still hurt from the stitches, he climbed up the stairs to the lobby. As he reached the top of the stairs he froze. The entrance door opened and Hinata saw the silhouette of exactly who he didn't want to see walking through the doorway. The man’s broad shoulders filled the doorway as he stepped outside. Acting completely on impulse, Hinata followed him. 

      Taking care not to make any noise, Hinata rushed towards the door just in time to catch a glimpse of the man turning left and going around the building. Silently closing the door behind him, Hinata followed him, sticking to the side of the building as to not be seen. Twisting his head around the corner, he could no longer see the figure. Confused, he took a few steps forward and looked around trying to see him. He just was giving up when he heard the soft crunch of the grass behind him. 

      With slow, careful movements Hinata turned around. In front of him was a tall man with dark black hair that shined in the light of the moon. He had his muscular arms bent at either side with his hands settled in his hips expectantly. He stared at Hinata with piercing dark blue eyes. 

      For a awhile neither of them spoke, they just stood there taking in each other's presence. The other man spoke first. 

      “Is your side wound feeling better?” he asked in a deep, gruff voice. 

      Hinata blinked up at him unbelieving. His first reaction was to scoff, which led him to laugh, which led him to bend over in hysterical laughter. Tears started streaming down his face as he tried to regain his breathing. He looked up at the man's face and saw that he was still watching him without a change of expression. Once Hinata regained his breathing, he took a moment to stare down at his feet. 

      “I… I don't mean to laugh,” Hinata began, unsurely. “It's just… Anytime I've ever let myself imagine this moment, this was definitely not how it would go.” 

      “You've imagined this before?” he asked quietly. 

      “You haven't?” Hinata responded looking up at his face. He seemed to deflate slightly before giving a imperceptible nod. 

      “I… I have,” he whispered. “This is not what I imagined either.” 

      “I usually pictured this where I'm rich and happy and you're not,” Hinata shrugged. He gave Hinata a questioning look. “Made me feel good.” Hinata glanced up and saw that he was actually smiling softly. Hinata hated what that did to him. 

      “Sorry to disappoint,” he said looking down at the ground, his smile fading. 

      “Kageyama,” Hinata sighed, “disappoint is not the word.”

      “I know,” Kageyama breathed looking up at Hinata. The feeling in his chest began to fade as something more dark replaced it. 

      “Well that doesn't matter now,” Hinata said tightly. “It's done and now...now we have to acknowledge that we are both here.” 

      “I guess so,” Kageyama nodded. 

      “You guess so?” Hinata repeated. Anger and aggravation like he hadn't felt in awhile overwhelmed him. He could feel his hands start to tremble not from the cold anymore, but in anger. “What, were you planning on ignoring me forever?” 

      “No,” Kageyama said flatly. “You're the one who ran from the dining hall.” 

      “That's because I didn't think it was actually you,” Hinata bit out. 

      “You mean you had hoped it wasn't,” Kageyama corrected, his voice strained and distant. 

      “Yeah,” Hinata breathed. “I had hoped it wasn't.”

      “I understand,” Kageyama nodded. “This…” Kageyama began, “this is difficult for me.” 

      “Diffi—difficult!? For you!? Are you fucking serious?” Hinata practically shouted. Kageyama didn't flinch or even react. He just continued to stare at Hinata. “I'm—I can't even do this. Everything is too much.” Hinata pushed past Kageyama who didn't  bother to stop him. Hinata didn't stop walking until he reached his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. 

      He sat on his bed, not bothering to light a candle. Toeing off his shoes, he brought his feet up into the bed and wrapped his arms around his legs pulling them to his chest. Hinata's head was spinning and he could feel a headache brewing. The position was not exactly comfortable especially with the gash in his side, but he couldn't bring himself to unfold. His mind flashed back to sitting just like he was now, bags surrounding him packed full of whatever he was able to grab in a rush. His arms growing tired of holding himself tightly together but not willing to let go lest he fall apart. It was years ago but it suddenly felt like it was yesterday, the pain and heartache still fresh in his memory. 

      Eventually Hinata fell asleep and he awoke curled up in his side on the bed. Rubbing his face, he turned his head to the door where the sound of a light knocking was coming from. Stumbling out of bed, he walked over to the door. Yamaguchi stood on the other side looking relieved when Hinata opened the door. 

      “Thank god you're in here,” Yamaguchi sighed pushing his way in. 

      “Please come in,” Hinata muttered closing the door behind him. 

      “When you ran off yesterday I got worried, but you seem so… I don't even know what you seemed like but I thought you'd need some space.”

      “Thank you,” Hinata smiled slightly. “I did.”

      “I understand,” Yamaguchi nodded. “But you can understand why I was worried. And especially when I go to breakfast and I run into Yachi telling me she had to redo your stitches somewhere around 1am.”

      “They ripped,” Hinata said trying not to make eye contact. “But I'm ok now, and I promise not to rip them again.” 

      “You better not,” Yamaguchi said sternly. “Now, are you going to tell me why you ran off in the first place or not.”

      “Or not,” Hinata sighed, turning around and slipping his shoes on. 

      “Seriously?” Yamaguchi asked sounding annoyed. “After everything, the surviving, running from CRITS, the mansion—”

      “Don't,” Hinata warned. Yamaguchi seemed to deflate slightly, and gave Hinata a slight nod. 

      “Well,” he continued anyway, “after… all we've been through, you're not to tell me what's going on?  I'm… I'm worried.”

      “Don't be,” Hinata said trying to give him a reassuring smile. “Everything's fine. I'm fine, I promise.”

      “I don't believe you,” Yamaguchi exhaled, looking down at the blood stain on Hinata's shirt. “But in not going to force it out of you. You'll tell me eventually.”

      “You seem so sure about that,” Hinata chuckled, gingerly pulling off his shirt over his head and throwing it on the bed. He went to the pile of folded shirts on the dresser and pulled on whatever was on top. 

      “I am,” Yamaguchi smirked. “Come lets get some food in you. Lieutenant Colonel Daichi said he's going to find placement for you today. Or at least start to find. That way you'll have some sort of employment—nothing too work intensive for the time being of course.”

      “Of course,” Hinata agreed begrudgingly, as they walked out of the bedroom.

* * *

 

      “How are you feeling this morning?” Daichi asked sitting across from Hinata as he dug into his plate of eggs. 

      “Better,” Hinata nodded setting down his fork. “Sorry about the whole running out of here thing yesterday.”

      “Don't worry about it,” Daichi smiled. “Just glad to see you're doing better. We do want you to feel happy and safe here.”

      “Thank you,” Hinata said, feeling like he really meant it. 

      “So,” Daichi began tucking back into his food, “I am assuming Yamaguchi informed you that I was going to find you some work placement.”

      “Yes he did,” Hinata nodded. 

      “And did he tell you that we're not going to force you into anything too strenuous until you've healed?” 

      “Yes…” Hinata said, striking the water in his cup around. 

      “What's wrong?” Daichi asked concerned. 

      “It's just,” Hinata sighed. “I want to help as much as I can and I don't want to be seen as wounded or whatever. I'm here to work. Don't put me on something too easy because you think it's protecting me.”

      “Well, I'll definitely keep that in mind Hinata,” Daichi nodded.

      “Good,” Hinata said picking up his fork again. 

      “So what are your skills?” Daichi asked. “What would you be best at doing here?” 

      “I don't know,” Hinata said thoughtfully. 

      “Well, what did you do before everything went to shit?”

      “I…” Hinata wavered. “I was a personal trainer.”

      “So you're good with fitness and nutrition?” Daichi asked genuinely interested. 

      “Yeah,” Hinata said feeling more confident. “I mostly focused on the fitness portion.”

      “Well that's good, that could narrow our search down a bit,” Daichi tapped his chin in thought. “Anything else? Have any skills you've acquired over the last few years?”  

      “I'm good at hand to hand combat,” Hinata said finding it hard to brag about himself. “And I've gotten pretty skilled in weaponry, especially long distance guns. Snipers and the like.”

      “Really?” Daichi said interested. 

      “Yeah,” Hinata said apprehensive about Daichis sudden interest. 

      “I think I know a good place for you.” 

      They finished their breakfast quickly and left the main building. Hinata followed Daichi through the courtyard past dozens of people heading to wherever they have been assigned to work. Subconsciously, Hinata found himself looking around as he walked trying for a glimpse of a broad shoulders and dark, straight hair. 

      “So what's this good place for me?” Hinata asked as they approached the glass and brick building he recognized as the rec center building used for MAPs people.

      “We're going to see how good you are with snipers and the like,” Daichi smiled repeating Hinata's words back to him. They walked into the building and Daichi led him down into the basement where Hinata saw Lev sitting at a desk in front of a caged door, cleaning a hand gun. 

      “Morning Lev,” Daichi greeted as they approached the desk. 

      “Lieutenant Colonel good morning,” Lev said dropping the parts of the gun on the desk. “Hinata! Are you feeling better? You ran out yesterday and I swear I thought you either had to throw up or take a shit or something I mean—”

      “Lev, I'm fine,” Hinata laughed interrupting his exuberant friend. “I pulled my stitches but I'm fine.” 

      “Actually Lev we're here to take out a gun, can you let Kuroo know we're here?” Daichi instructed, gesturing to the armory behind the caged door. 

      “Oh actually Major Kuroo just stepped out, he said he had to run an errand, but Captain Bokuto is here sir.”

      “Of course he did,” Daichi sighed. “Ok tell him I need the Beretta, the Carbine, and the M24 sniper. With bullets this time.”

      “Got it,” Lev nodded grabbing his crutch that was propped up against the desk and hobbling into the armory. Hinata didn't say anything as he waited for Lev to come back, too nervous to speak. 

      “You rang?” Through the caged door came a tall wild haired man with piercing gold eyes and smug smile, carrying the guns that Daichi requested.

      “Yes Bokuto,” Daichi sighed, seemingly already exasperated. “Where's Kuroo?” 

      “Oh you know him,” Bokuto said evasively. “He always finds something to do.” 

      “Is that so?,” Daichi grunted. “Anyway thank you for the guns.” 

      “No problem, what do you need them for anyway?” Bokuto asked hanging them over. 

      “We're going to determine his skill set,” Daichi said motioning to Hinata next to him.

      “Oh here,” Lev said rushing in with the bullets. 

      “Thank you,” Hinata said taking them from Lev. 

      “Well tell me if he's got any skill,” Bokuto said. “We could always use a good shot on Border Patrol. The tower is a sniper’s delight” He looked at Hinata as if to entice himself to agree. 

      “I think I have a placement in mind for him,” Daichi said turning to walk away. “I'll be back soon.

      Hinata followed Daichi out and back up the stairs and into a large cinder block gymnasium that had been retrofitted to be a makeshift shooting gallery. There were old school desks lined up on one side of the room with pairs of hearing protection earmuffs and safety goggles on top. On the other side of the gym were mannequins with paper sheets with targets drawn on them. 

      “Whoa, I didn't think you'd guys have a shooting range,” Hinata said surprised. 

      “Well we got to train our people somewhere,” Daichi smiled lining up the guns on one of the desks. He handed Hinata a pair of earmuffs before placing his on and sliding over the Berreta. “Show me what you got.” 

      Taking a deep breath, Hinata placed the earmuffs over his ears and grabbed the safety goggles and put them on. Hesitating for just a moment, Hinata grabbed the Beretta, loaded it and emptied the clip into the target across the room. 

      “Damn,” Daichi whistled, taking off his earmuffs looking at the tightly packed circle of bullets on the inner most circle. “Fucking grouping man. Incredible.”

      “Thank you,” Hinata smiled feeling proud. He placed the gun down and grabbed the larger Carbine. He placed his earmuffs back one and readied himself again. Creating a second tight circle right underneath the other, Hinata couldn't help but smirk. 

      “Well fuck,” Daichi smiled. “You are a damn good shot. Yamaguchi wasn't kidding.”

      “No sir,” Hinata smiled setting the gun down. 

      “Good,” Daichi nodded placing the earmuffs around his neck. “Bring that, we're going up.”

      “Up?” Hinata asked doing as he was told. He followed Daichi out of the range and into a side staircase that led up along the side of the building. They climbed the stairs until they reached the roof. 

      “Set up the M24 here,” Daichi instructed pointing to the ledge of the roof. Hinata quickly set up the legs of the gun and laid down on the floor and focused the scope. “Your target is the yield sign.” looking over the gun, Hinata couldn’t see the sign. But once he moved to see through the scope, yield sign was between his crosshairs deep into the distance on an overgrown road far on the border of the camp. Taking a deep breath he focused and took aim. Exhaling, Hinata released the trigger hitting the sign in the far distance with a satisfying metallic ting. Daichi motioned for him to get up from the gun and Hinata jumped up and let him get down on the floor. Looking through the scope, Daichi let out an impressed huff. 

      “I told you I was good,” Hinata said pleased. 

      “Good?” Daichi scoffed. “You shot the hole through the ‘d’ that's fucking amazing.”

      “Thank you,” Hinata thanked, feeling incredibly proud of himself. 

      “Well that settles it,” Daichi said flipping the safety on. “I'm putting you on SMU. They need a sharpshooter and you are incredible.”

      “Oh wow, thank you Lieute— I mean, Daichi,” Hinata said correcting himself. 

      “Honestly I should be the one thanking you,” Daichi laughed. “Come, let's return the gun. The Special Missions Unit is having a meeting in a few minutes and I want to introduce you as soon as possible.” 

      Thanking him one more time, Hinata followed Daichi down to the armory to return the guns. He felt a giddy feeling in his stomach that he hadn't felt in a while. Having a place where he could belong was too enticing for him not to get excited. He could barely answer Lev’s questions as they handed back the guns, earmuffs, and safety goggles. The whole walk out of the rec center building Hinata was in a daze until he realized that Daichi was walking them towards the library. 

      “Hey, why are we going to the library?” Hinata asked as they crossed the courtyard. 

      “Well it has these old mostly sound proof classrooms that are great for meetings,” Daichi explained. “Also, we had to find a reason to block them off or people would just have sex in them.” Surprised by his answered Hinata almost tripped over own feet.

      “Um, yeah that's a good idea.” Daich raised an eyebrow at him. “I– I mean the having meetings in there, not the having sex part.” 

      “Of course,” Daichi laughed, opening the door to the library. He waved to the guy sitting behind the main desk and walked in towards the back. He led them to a classroom all the way at the back of the library. The door was already open when they approached and Hinata could see into the room. It wasn't a particularly large room but it could comfortably fit at least 10 people at the long wooden table that was situated in the center of the room. 

      There were two men already sitting at the table talking when they arrived. The man with a shaved head and spiraling black tattoos around his arm was talking loudly at a more reserved looking guy who's dual toned hair seemed in need of re-dying. Their mostly one sided conversation stopped as Daichi walked in. 

      “Tanaka,” Daichi said walking in. The man with the shaved head stopped talking and stood up. 

      “Daichi,” Tanaka said standing at attention. “We were waiting for you to start.”

      “Thank you,” Daichi nodded. “Actually before we start I wanted to make some introductions.” He turned to Hinata who was standing next to Daichi nervous. “Hinata, this is Major Tanaka and Sergeant Kenma,” Daichi introduced pointing from the man with the shaved head to the man with the dual toned hair. “They are both on the Special Missions Unit and were part of your rescue.”

      “Wow thank you so much,” Hinata said earnestly stepping in front of Daichi and shaking Tanakas hand. “I don't think I can thank you enough actually.”

      “Don't mention it,” Tanaka waved off proudly. “Just doing my job.”

      “But seriously thank you,” Hinata insisted. “I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you guys.”

      “Well it wasn't so much as me as Lev being so insistent,” Tanaka explained. “Plus Kag—”

      “Why else did you bring him to our meeting?” Kenma asked sending his focused gaze at Daichi who seemed unphased by it. 

      “Well as you know, we are short a sharpshooter on the SMU and as it turns out Hinata is quite the shot, I tested him myself.”

      “Is he really?” Tanaka said surprised, taking in his short stature. “He can carry the M24?”

      “Hey, I'm short not deaf,” Hinata huffed. “And yes of course I can. I'm really strong and really skilled.”

      “I believe you,” Tanaka laughed putting his hands up in surrender. 

      “Have you told him yet? That you’re adding another member,” Kenma asked Daichi, in his typical straightforward manner. 

      “Uh, no,” Daichi sighed. “I only found out today and literally just finished his testing.”

      “He’s going to want to know,” Kenma said. 

      “What am I going to want know?” 

      Hinata knew that his good luck of the day had to run out sooner or later. The gruff, deep voice that Hinata hadn't heard in years, was suddenly in his ears twice in 24 hours. 

      “I found a sharpshooter for the unit.”

      “Oh?”

      “Yeah,” Hinata said stepping out from behind Daichi. He watched a flash of recognition in Kageyama's eyes though he kept his face mostly unchanged. Hinata watched him blink and look back to Daichi with a blank expression. 

      “I brought Hinata here to meet the unit,” Daichi continued, not sensing the mood shift.

      “Is he joining us now?” Kageyama asked walking over the table and sitting down. 

      “Well that's why he's here,” Tanaka said pulling out the seat across Kageyama and sitting down. 

      “He's an excellent shot and I think he's going to make a great addition to this unit,” Daichi said forcefully, sitting in the chair next to Kageyama. Hinata looked apprehensive as everyone sat down around the table. 

      “Whatever you say Lieutenant Colonel,” Kageyama sighed tapping his fingers in the table top. Hinata held his breath expecting more of a fight but when Kageyama said nothing further he let out a shaky breath and sat in the chair next to Daichi. 

      “How is Tsukishima?” Kenma asked sitting across from Hinata. 

      “He's still in the medical center,” Daichi said folding his hands on the table. 

      “That shitty bastard would make a drama out of sprain and a cold,” Tanaka rolled his eyes. 

      “He has pneumonia,” Kageyama said annoyed at Tanaka.  

      “Oh,” Tanaka mumbled. 

      “I'll inform him on anything he missed,” Daichi said. “Ok first let me now formally introduce Hinata to all of you. He will be joining this unit effective immediately.”

      Hinata was no longer paying attention to the conversation. His concentration was focused almost entirely on Kageyama who was completely focused on Daichi. Every so often he would catch bits and pieces of Daichi saying things like “medicine” and “search.” But Hinata mostly was staring at Kageyama. He wasn't sure what kind of reaction he wanted, or if he even wanted a reaction. Yet Kageyama just ignoring him like that, pretending that this was the first time they'd met— that they were strangers— it made Hinata's blood boil. 

      “And so, Tanaka you're going to show Hinata the ropes a bit,” Daichi said, getting Hinata's attention. “And we'll meet and then go to the barn at 600 hours.” With that he stood up, gave Hinata a pat on the shoulder and walked out of the room. Not exactly sure what to do, Hinata looked around at the other men in the room. Tanaka and Kenma were talking quietly as they got up from their seats. Turning his head with great resistance, Hinata watched as Kageyama stood up and left the room without so much as a word to the other people. Letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding, Hinata sank back into his seat staring at the table in front of him. 

      “Hey Hinata,” Tanaka said pulling him from his thoughts. “I got to get you mission-ready.”

      “Oh,” Hinata blinked surprised. “Ok, cool.”

      “Told you he spaced out,” Kenma said flatly. 

      “Oh er—” Hinata began wanting to defend himself. 

      “Nah, it's cool,” Tanaka waved stopping Hinata mind sentence. “I remember my first day here a couple years ago. They threw so much information at me I had to be retold everything like a week later.”

      “Oh,” Hinata laughed feeling a bit better. “Well I'll try to pay attention this time.” 

      “No worries,” Tanaka shrugged, walking around the table and going for the door. “Come on, there's much to do and not a lot of time to do it before your first mission.”

      “Mission?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now that Kageyama's been introduced, it's basically gonna be non-stop Kageyama from now on


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she returns! after like two months!

      The sun was still a little while from rising when Hinata walked towards the Rec Center the next day. Decked out in the comfortable gray combat pants and black long sleeve shirt that he was given yesterday as his tactical wear, Hinata felt a buzz of excitement he hadn't felt in a while. He had spent the previous day being debriefed in everything he needed to know to be part of the SMU. From their signals to their responsibilities, Tanaka laid out all the information Hinata could take in and then some. By the time they had finished up the crash course training and headed for dinner, Hinata's head was spinning. 

      But now as he walked towards the small group of men waiting outside the entrance of the rec center, he actually could feel himself focusing despite his nerves. The crunch of his boots alerted the others that he was approaching. As he walked up to them, several faces turned to him; some he recognized as other members of SMU and one he didn't. 

      “Ah so my replacement arrives,” said a tall, handsome man that Hinata didn't recognize. 

      “He's not your replacement, you're not in the unit anymore,” Tanaka rolled his eyes. 

      “Well what do you call him taking my spot as the sharpshooter?” he asked gesturing towards Hinata. 

      “You haven't been in the unit for over a year, it's called filling in a gap,” Kenma said causing the man to pout. 

      “Well I call it a replacement,” he said crossing his arms.  

      “Oikawa, why are you like this?” Tanaka asked  shaking his head. “Sorry Hinata, he's just not a morning person.”

      “Um, it's ok,” Hinata said not sure what to do. 

      “Sorry, I don't mean to get off on the wrong foot,” Oikawa sighed. “I'm Lieutenant Oikawa, Border Patrol. Previous Sharpshooter for the SMU.”

      “Why previous?” Hinata asked, subtlety looking him up and down checking for anything wrong.

      “Bad knee,” Oikawa tapped his right knee, “no more running from CRITS for me.”

      “Oh I'm sorry,” Hinata said feeling genuinely bad. 

      “Don't worry about him,” Tanaka huffed. “He's got a nice dangerous job to keep him on his toes. He just likes the attention.”

      “Why do you have to expose me like that?” Oikawa asked annoyed. Immediately the two of them started bickering as Kenma watched looking completely exasperated. Hinata watched them until he heard the sounds of footsteps approaching. Just as he went to turn to look, Hinata could hear a muffled conversation. It took him less than a moment to place the voices. 

      “...because to me it sounds like you are disagreeing with my decision.” Daichi said flatly. 

      “No no I'm not,” Kageyama rushed. “I wouldn't ever. I believe in your judgement 100%.”

      “That's not how it seems,” Daichi continued gravely. 

      “I simply wanted to confirm that you were indeed serious about placing him in our unit,” Kageyama explained. 

      “Do you have any objections to having him join?”

      “Uh-um, n-no,” Kageyama stuttered. 

      “Are you sure about that?” 

      “Ye-yes.”

      “Is there's something I need to know?” Daichi asked. The sound of the approaching footsteps stopped and the voices grew lower. Hinata struggled to hear the rest of the conversation. 

      “Not necessarily sir, no,” Kageyama muttered. “Nothing that would impact my performance.”

      “Ok that's fair,” Daichi nodded. “But is it something that is troubling you personally?” Kageyama didn't answer. “Your happiness and comfort here is just as, if not more important, than your job performance.” 

      “Understood.”

      “Can you elaborate on the issue?”

      “Not here sir,” Kageyama answered quietly. 

      “Fair enough,” Daichi agreed. “But once you come back we'll have a real discussion, understand?” 

      “Understood.”

      “Excellent.” The footsteps began approaching again, faster than before. Hinata arranged himself to make it look like he wasn't just very clearly a conversation about himself. Grinding his teeth, he was practically fuming by the time Daichi and Kageyama walked over to the group, both pretending that they weren't clearly just talking about him. 

      “Ok thank you all for meeting me here,” Daichi said, slipping into his commanding voice. “Your excursion today is simple, take the truck along the back road down past the clinic to an overturned supply truck that fell about a week ago, and raid it for any supplies. It's a few miles past the clinic so well out of our territory, but I don't think I need to remind you all to be careful.” He looked around at all of them with a serious face. “You are to get supplies of any kind that you think could be useful, with the main focus being medicine. I spoke with Suga and he informed me that they are in need of Levofloxacin, Moxifloxacin and Amoxicillin. As extra incentive to find that, Tsukishima needs those medicines and he needs them soon.” 

      “Yes, sir,” everyone nodded. 

      “Now, I'm going to be with Border Patrol all day, so when you guys return I want you to bring the supplies straight to Salvage for processing.”

      “Yes, sir.”

      “Alright,” Daichi said looking around at all of them. “Let's head to the barn. Oikawa if you would.” He gestured to Oikawa nodded and began walking towards a gray pickup truck parked on the gravelly road that traversed the whole camp. 

      “Ok, who's ever getting in the back get in now,” Oikawa instructed as he opened the back gate to the flatbed. Hinata followed Tanakas example and climbed up in the back. Sitting across from Tanaka and next to Kenma, Hinata was a little surprised when Kageyama went around and got into the cabin with Oikawa and Daichi. 

      “Nervous?” Tanaka smirked, as the truck began to move. 

      “Um sort of,” Hinata answered. His stomach felt like it was churning and his heart was beating faster with every passing minute. “I guess yeah. I'm kind of nervous.”

      “You don't have to hide it,” Kenma said quietly. “On his first mission, Tanaka near peed his pants.”

      “That's an exaggeration and you know it,” Tanaka accused. 

      “Of course,” Kenma said, before turning to Hinata and shaking his head. Laughing and feeling slightly less nervous, Hinata looked around the trucks flatbed. 

      “What's under the tarp?” Hinata asked, noticing the black tapped shape Tanaka was leaning on. 

      “Our supplies,” Kenma explained. “Tactical gear, weapons, some food. Things to keep us alive basically.”

      “Wow, this is much more organization than I'm used to.”

      “Well, we're the military,” Tanaka said proudly. 

      “Eh, quasi military,” Kenma corrected. 

      “Yeah but we still run like the military,” Tanaka insisted. 

      “Eh, we run like a quasi military.”

      “Fine,” Tanaka huffed. “Hinata we are a quasi military group who is organized.”

      “Better than scavenging,” Hinata laughed as the truck came to a stop. 

      “Ok, everyone unload,” Oikawa said hopping out of the truck. Hinata followed Kenma and Tanaka off the truck and started helping take out all the supplies underneath the tarp. “I'll see you in barn, I have to fill the car up.” Oikawa walked towards an enormous red barn. In the dim early morning light, Hinata could barely make out its actual size, but based on the loud creaking the door make when he opened it, it had to be massive. 

      “Here Hinata for you,” Tanaka said handed him a black cargo vest. 

      “Thanks,” Hinata said slipping it over his shirt. 

      “It's got bullets for the Beretta on the left side and bullets for the M4 on your right. There's no need for a M24 today— or at least that's what we're hoping.”

      “Ok cool, got it,” Hinata nodded buckling the vest together. He slipped the handgun into the side arm sling and took the M4 in his hands. 

      “There should be no CRITS around, that's what the Watchguard's told us at least, so this is more of a precaution than anything else,” Kenma said adjusting his vest. 

      “Also try not to get hurt,” Daichi said patting Hinata's shoulder. “SMU’s medic is in the medical center right now with pneumonia.”

      “I will do my best not to get hurt sir,” Hinata nodded. 

      “Good,” Daichi smiled. 

      “Ok she's all filled up,” Oikawa said. Hinata hadn't even noticed he'd come back while he'd been getting ready. “Tanaka, take it easy on her ok? She's a car, not a bronco.”

      “Bronco is a car,” Kenma piped in. 

      “You know what the fuck I mean,” Oikawa rolled his eyes. 

      “Don't worry, I'll take it easy on her,” Tanaka purred rubbing the hood of the truck. 

      “Ew stop,” Kageyama said scrunching his nose in disgust. 

      “Ok enough chatting, Tanaka stop molesting the truck,” Daichi said slapping Tanakas hand off the hood. “Time to go. Good luck everyone.”

      “Thank you sir,” they all said. Daichi took a set back and stood with Oikawa as they all got onto the truck again. 

      “Ok Kenma you're in the cabin with me,” Tanaka said opening the driver's side door. A moment of hot panic went through Hinata when he saw Kageyama not getting into the cabin with them but instead walking around the truck and hopping onto the flat bed with him. Neither of them said anything as they situated themselves diagonal to one another. “Alright are we ready to rock and roll!?” Tanaka shouted from the driver's seat. 

      “Let's get moving,” Kageyama said slapping the right side of the truck twice. 

      With a rumble, the truck moved forward. Hinata turned his head to see where the truck was headed. Just as the first real rays of sunlight hit the horizon, they were plunged back into darkness from the forest around them. The truck drove along a crude paved road which wound its way around huge towering trees. 

      Exploiting the darkness, Hinata turned his head to look over at Kageyama. He really looked at him for the first time since they'd met again. 

_       He looks older. I mean in my head I always knew he would look older if I ever saw him again but somehow I always still pictured him tall and lithe and kind of awkward in his own body. But he doesn't look like that anymore. He's...muscular and broad shouldered and well, still broody but not in the way he used to be. No, he has the face of someone who has survived some horrors. I don't think I care actually. I don't care about what he had to go through. I hope it was hell.  _

      Kageyama shifted slightly in seat and Hinata quickly looked away hoping he wasn't caught staring. Waiting a few moments Hinata slowly lifted his gaze to look at Kageyama again. 

_       I think he got taller. He definitely got hotter that's for damn sure. Which fucking pisses me off to no end. He was supposed to get ugly and have his hairline start to recede and have wrinkles early in life. But no. He just got hot. Of fucking course he did. How annoying.  _

      Hinata looked away feeling himself start to burn with a confusing mixture of deep seeded hatred and involuntary attraction. Kageyama always seemed to be associated with that particular combination of emotions. Glancing back Hinata glare at his profile as Kageyama watched the dark trees wiz past. 

_       Why didn't he even say anything at the meeting when Daichi introduced me? Why did he have to wait until the next morning? He probably thought waiting and not approving me was done as a “courtesy” to me, what fucking bulshit. He couldn't face me then and couldn't even face me now. He hasn't changed. Nothing's changed. I still hate him. I hate him. I ha— _

      “Is something wrong?” Hinata snapped out of his angry rant in his head. He didn't realize that while he was staring at Kageyama and cursing him in his head, Kageyama had turned and caught him glaring. 

      “Yes—no,” Hinata stumbled. “I mean…” 

      “I know,” Kageyama began uncomfortably. “I know that...this...isn't...the best situation.” Hinata scoffed at Kageyama's gross understatement. “But we can figure out how to deal.”

      “Figure out how to deal,” Hinata repeated sardonically. “Like running to Daichi like a child and trying to get me kicked off?”

      “What? I wasn't trying to get you kicked off.” Hinata rolled his eyes and looked off, completely angry. 

      “Oh sure of course not,” Hinata huffed turning away from him as they broke through the trees and into a narrow clearing. Up ahead of them was a tall, guarded gate with a handful of armed guards patrolling on the walkway atop it. The truck came to halt in front of the double layered fence. 

      “Hey, open the gate you lazy fuck!” Tanaka shouted with a smile in his voice sticking his head out the window. One of the guards with bleached Mohawk who was leaning against the lever laughed as he flipped Tanaka off. 

      “Fuck off you bald piece of shit,” the guard laughed as he got off the lever and pulled it towards himself activating the gate mechanisms. 

      Hinata was surprised at the way they spoke to each other and how it contradicted their demeanor. Unconsciously, he glanced at Kageyama for explanation but found none, Kageyama's eyes determinedly focused on world way off to his right. Deciding it was probably for the best, Hinata turned his head to watch the gate close behind them as the truck passed through the gate and into the forest in front of them. 

      They seemed to drive for miles and miles before they even reached a less dense part of the forest. Hinata wondered how they had originally even found their way into the school through the dense trees when they first found the school. Eventually trees gave way to more clear land with sparse trees and then eventually onto the more clear land with broken up roads that Hinata remembered from traveling with Yamaguchi and Lev. 

      Tanaka turned the truck onto a road and drove carefully around abandoned cars and downed trees. The road had a scattering of dilapidated stores and buildings which each looked more ransacked than the next. On more than one occasion he had to backtrack and navigate the truck through the unpaved foliage because the road was blocked with various degrees of rubble. At one point where Tanaka drove a thicket, Hinata felt the flat bed shake so much it threatened to upturn him from his seat, but with quick reflexes and determination not to make a fool of himself in front of Kageyama, he kept his balance. 

      The truck came to a stop in front of a huge overturned tractor trailer. The head of the truck was completely upside down and crushed on either side and was at least 50 feet from the trailer which was on its side lying sideways in the road. There was no sign of the driver anywhere but Hinata knew from experience that it didn't mean there was no one or nothing there. 

      Hinata walked over towards the truck following Tanaka, keeping his weapon at the ready. He looked around for any signs of movement in the trees and tall grass along the road. As he swept his eyes across the road he got a better look at the face of the truck of the tractor trailer. The grate of the front was crushed so far inward that it was practically in the driving cabin. The glass was entirely smashed in and the side was crushed where it lay on the floor. Taking a step closer to inspect the inside through the broken windshield he saw there was a small spray of blood on the seat. He took a step to the side, standing in the shell where the tires were supposed to be and saw that the gas line was intact. 

      “All clear,” Tanaka said from the other side of the wreckage. “Let's get as much supplies we can get in the truck.”

      Hinata turned and walked over where Kenma and Kageyama were standing by the trailer. Sideways in the middle of the road, its contents were mostly still packed tightly in boxes that had only been jostled slightly from the crash. He came to stand next to Kenma, stowing his gun in the strap behind him. 

      “Well it looks like it's medical supplies,” Tanaka said pulling out his flashlight to see better into the contents. “The priorities are those medicines Dachi told us we needed and then everything else.”

      “I'll sort,” Kageyama said pushing up his sleeves and grabbing a box. “Sho—Hinata, keep a look out.”

      “Ok,” Hinata said with contempt, annoyed that he was taking orders from Kageyama but not stupid enough to argue. Walking around the side of the trailer, he used a series of broken pieces of the siding as leverage to climb up on top for a better vantage point. Pulling out his gun, he scanned the road and tree line. From the top of the overturned tractor trailer, he saw an odd skid pattern on the broken road. Something about it’s curved shape reminded him of arrows.

      “See anything?” Tanaka asked as he began carrying several boxes toward the truck. 

      “Just trees,” Hinata called back covering his eyes from the morning sun, pushing out his thoughts and concentrating on keeping an eye out. 

      “You shoot first and ask questions later, alright?” Tanaka instructed. “That's an order.”

      “Yes sir,” Hinata nodded steadying his gun against his shoulder with one hand. Turning in place and pacing the length of the trailer, Hinata watched the surroundings looking for anything suspicious. His unit made quick work of loading a tower of boxes into every available space in the truck. The sun had barely risen above the tree line, when Tanaka announced that they were moving out. 

      “Coming,” Hinata said looking for the best way down. He went to stow his gun away behind him when he saw motion out of the corner of his eye. Instantly he readied his gun, took aim, and fired in the direction of the motion. At the sudden sound of the gunshot, his team turned around, all with their weapons drawn and ready to fire. 

      Leading the group, Tanaka inched his way over to where Hinata had shot, his gun drawn the whole time. Approaching the bush, he stuck his hand out and quickly pushed aside the foliage with his gun at the ready. However, the only thing laying on the ground was a deer, lying dead with a single gunshot through its skull. 

      “It's just a deer,” Tanaka said lowering his weapon. Hinata exhaled, feeling the tension leave his body. He hadn't want to admit, but he had been feeling incredibly nervous and on edge the entire time since they had arrived. Feeling marginally better, Hinata jumped down from the trailer, landing on the tall grass. 

      “Should we take it?” Kenma asked looking at the animal. 

      “It would be a waste not to,”Tanaka said stowing his gun. “Waste not, want not.” He bent down and grabbed its front legs. 

      “I'll help,” Kageyama said walking around and taking it by its hind legs. 

      “There's rope in the truck, we can tie it to the hood,” Hinata suggested walking over to them. 

      “Good idea,” Tanaka grunted as he and Kageyama lifted the deer. Hinata ran over to the truck and pulled out the rope that was stashed on the side that was luckily not blocked by the myriad of boxes and started looping it through grate of the truck. 

      “Here,” Hinata said moving aside so they could place the deer on the hood. They dropped it with a thud and hinata quickly tied it to the truck. 

      “Thanks,” Tanaka said stretching his arms. “Damn that shit was heavy, but fuck if I’m not happy that we might get something besides fish or chicken. Good fucking shot Hinata.” 

      “Oh thanks,” Hinata said as he tied the final knot. “I shot first and asked questions later.” 

      “You weren't asking any questions,” Tanaka laughed. “But I’m glad to see your reflexes are as quick as they are. Makes me feel safe.” 

      “Thank you,” Hinata smiled. 

      “Alright, enough of this shit, let’s get back to camp. I’m fucking starving,” Tanaka said getting into the driver's seat. Kenma slid in next to him on the other side as Hinata walked around the now very full truck to the flatbed. He saw Kageyama let down the gate to the flatbed and then hoist himself on top, so he was sitting mostly on the truck bed, leaning against the stacks of boxes with his feet out in front of him on top of the gate. Realizing that there was no other place for him to sit, Hinata begrudgingly took a seat next to Kageyama pointedly looking not in his direction.  Once Hinata was situated, he heard Kageyama slap the side of the truck twice, giving Tanaka the signal that they were ready to go and the truck lurch forward. 

      The trip back seemed to go faster than the trip there. Hinata tried to familiarize himself with the area while simultaneously looking out for suspicious movements and ignoring Kageyama. The latter he found the most taxing. 

      Due to the sheer amount of things they had crammed into the truck, there was very little space for them to go, causing them to be seated very closely to one another. Hinata tried his best to keep at least an inch of space in between them at all times, but with each bump or turn, they would get jostled and end up leaning against each other. Hinata found it all incredibly frustrating. 

      “That was a good shot.” 

      Hinata blinked, surprised that Kageyama had spoken to him at all, especially since he had been working so hard to put out hostile vibes since the moment he sat down. 

      “Um, thank you?” Hinata said looking over at Kageyama with a raised eyebrow. 

      “I didn’t know you were that quick,” Kageyama continued. “I mean, I trust Daichi’s judgement, I was still, you know, surprised.” 

      “Do you now?” Hinata said sarcastically. 

      “Do I what?” Kageyama asked confused. 

      “Do you trust Daichi’s judgement?” Hinata clarified hostilely. 

      “Yes…?” Kageyama said even more confused. 

      “Really, because it sounded like earlier you didn’t,” Hinata said bitterly. 

      “Wha– unbelieveable,” Kageyama sighed frustratedly, showing the first bit of emotion since Hinata had seen him again. “I can’t...you… why are you...trying to fight with me? Right now? Like… what… what is that going to solve?” 

      “Nothing,” Hinata shrugged. 

      “Then…?” Kageyama said furrowing his brow. “You are… just forget it.” 

      “I’m what?” Hinata pressed, feeling himself grow more and more contemptuous. “What am I? Oh I would love to hear what your decade’s worth of thinking about  _ what I am _ has produced. I’m practically on the edge of my seat.” 

      “Fuck you,” Kageyama spat, turning away from him. Hinata felt a sick pleasure from making him angry. 

      “Brilliant,” Hinata said sarcastically. “How long did it take you to come up with that? Two? Three years? Or was it the full ten?”

      “No, I think it was about thirty seconds after you walked away,” Kageyama snapped. 

      “A whole thirty seconds,” Hinata said mockingly. “Wow.” 

      “You’re still such a fucking...fucking asshole,” Kageyama gritted. 

      “Well, so are you,” Hinata said, annoyed that he couldn’t think of a better comeback. 

      “This is unbelievable,” Kageyama said to himself. “End of the fucking world… and yet I still run into you.” 

      “You took the words right out of my mouth,” Hinata gritted. 

      “Fuck off, ok?” Kageyama snapped angrily. “I was trying to pay you a goddamn compliment, you fucking moron.” 

      “Wow,” Hinata scoffed. “I feel really complimented now.” 

      “Ugh!” Kageyama groaned in frustration, clenching his fists. “Fuck!” 

      “So eloquent.” Hinata turned his head away from Kageyama, feeling better now that he knew Kageyama was just as frustrated as he was. They sat the rest of the time in silence, both of them stewing in their own bitter, contemptuous juices. As they passed through the gate, Hinata chanced a glance at Kageyama. He was sitting with his face all screwed up in frustration, pointedly looking in the opposite direction, his hands grasped in a white-knuckled grip on his gun. Satisfied that he was still angry, Hinata turned around. 

      They arrived back at the barn a few minutes later after passing through the dense forest that Hinata now knew was inside the compound. Now that it was daylight, Hinata could see how truly massive the barn was, being at least 3 stories tall and with an obvious extension in the back that made it twice as long. As they pulled up in front, Daichi came walking out of the huge barn doors with Oikawa and another, more muscular man Hinata didn’t recognize. 

      “Well, I see that the mission was successful,” Daichi said eyeing the doe tied to the hood.

      “Yeah, Hinata shot a deer,” Tanaka said hopping out of the drivers seat. “Accidentally of course, he was under orders to fire if he saw movement, and boy did he. There was barely a rustle before he was like WHAM–” Tanaka mimicked wiping out his gun and shooting something in the distance, “it was wild. I’ve never seen reflexes like that.” 

      “Good to know my instincts were good on putting him in this unit,” Dachi said as they all gathered in a group. Hinata didn’t miss him subtly glancing at Kageyama who frowned deeply. “But also, great to have some venison.” 

      “Yeah, we should bring this to Asahi,” Tanaka said looking at the deer. Daichi waved over to three men from the barn to take the deer and put it on one of their large golf carts they use for travel within the confines of the camp. “Hinata, want to come with me?”

      “Sure,” Hinata nodded. 

      “Kageyama, can you bring bring the medical supplies to the medic center?” Daichi asked looking over at him. 

      “Yes sir,” Kageyama said. 

      “First, can everyone unload their weapons?” said the man that Hinata didn't recognize. He stood next to Oikawa with his hands on his hips. He had his sleeves rolled it to his shoulder showing off his muscular, tattooed arms. 

      “Sure, Iwaizumi,” Tanaka said pulling out his guns from their holsters. “Oh, have you met Hinata, our rescue?” 

      “No,” Iwaizumi said smirking at the wording. He turned to Hinata who was slightly embarrassed by being referred to as a dog. “I’m Captain Iwaizumi,” he said sticking out his hand. 

      “Hinata,” he said shaking the Captain’s hand. 

      “He’s our new sharpshooter,” Tanaka said clasping Hinata’s shoulder proudly. “And he’s a fucking shot, like you wouldn’t imagine. He took this deer down in one, quickly aimed shot it was incredible.”

      “Good to know my replacement is fitting in well,” Oikawa sighed melodramatically. 

      “You’re not being replaced if you’re not part of it,” Iwaizumi said not even turning around as he took the guns from everyone. 

      “Semantics,” Oikawa waved dismissively. 

      “Shut the fuck up,” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, as he grabbed what seemed like an impossible amount of guns for one person to carry. 

      “Make me,” Oikawa smirked at the back of Iwaizumi’s head. 

      “Alright, that’s enough,” Daichi intervened, placing his hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. “Why don’t you save your flirting for later.” 

      “You got it, LC,” Oikawa winked. Taking the truck keys from Tanaka, he walked over to the driver’s seat while calling out to Iwaizumi  “see you later, my love,” as theatrically as possible, earning a groan from Iwaizumi,  before getting to the truck with Kageyama and driving off. 

      “I hate him,” Iwaizumi grumbled shaking his head. 

      “No you don’t,” Daichi smirked. 

      “I do, I swear I really do,” Iwaizumi shook his head walking he guns over to his own golf cart. 

      “They're best friends,” Tanaka said to Hinata who was watching Iwaizumi slightly confused. 

      “Oh,” Hinata said surprised. 

      “Come on, let's get this to Asahi in the kitchen. Maybe we can strong arm him into giving us food.”

      “Don't bully him,” Daichi said sternly. 

      “I'm not,” Tanaka said defensively. “Not bully, never bully.”

      “Humph,” Daichi grunted skeptically. 

      “I would never,” Tanaka said, “plus Noya would fucking destroy me if I did anything.”

      “Who?” Hinata said, all the names too new and too much at once. 

      “Noya, he's the mechanic. He fixes all the cars and trucks and the golf carts. He's a total badass,” Tanaka said admiringly. 

      “And Asahi?”

      “The chef, and Noya’s...what is he? Boyfriend? Bitch? Something in between?” 

      “Partner?” Daichi offered. 

      “Sure, let's go with that,” Tanaka agreed. 

      “Wow there are so many people I haven't met yet,” Hinata said mostly to himself realizing the scale of the people that live in the complex. 

      “Oh yeah, there's a ton of people here,” Tanaka nodded sliding into the driver's seat of the golf cart that some of the people from border patrol had put the deer into. 

      “I guess so,” Hinata said, his head still filled with going over all the people he's just met and all those he's yet to meet. He sat in the cart next to Tanaka just as he turned the golf cart on and started down the crude pathway that had been worn into the ground by the golf carts over the years. 

      Despite being a seemingly rickety cart, they booked it to the main building where they went around the back to go through the back entrance into the kitchens. When they reached the main back door, Tanaka pulled up as close as possible. Turning off the golf cart, they jumped out and Tanaka went over and banged on the door. 

      “I bare gifts!” he yelled at the door as he repeatedly smacked his hand against the metal. As the door swung open he didn't stop his hand in time and smacked the tall, long haired man who opened the door. 

      “Ow— oh my god,” he groaned and Tanaka’s palm connected with his nose. 

      “Oh fuck, Asahi I'm so sorry, shit,” Tanaka apologized as the other made cradled his face in his hands. 

      “Why were you smacking the door so much? you hurt me,” Asahi mumbled through his hands as he rubbed his face. 

      “I'm sorry man,” Tanaka repeated looking remorseful. “But here, to make it up to you, look: meat.” He pointed to the deer strapped up to the back of the cart. 

      “You went hunting?” 

      “No, Hinata shot it— long story. Oh this is Hinata by the way,” Tanaka said patting Hinata on the shoulder. 

      “Hello,” Asahi said giving him a smile through his hand where it was pinching the bridge of his nose. 

      “Hi,” Hinata smiled. 

      “So since we brought you food...can we get a little something something out of the pantry?” Tanaka asked wiggling his eyebrows. 

      “Oh I don't know… maybe just something small—”

      “Thanks Asahi, you're the man,” Tanaka said patting his shoulder and he walked in past him motioning for Hinata to follow him. Hinata wakes in after Tanaka, going into the main floor quickly and up the stairs. Hinata barely had time to look around as he followed a fata moving Tanaka into a giant walk in pantry.

      “Whoa,” Hinata said coming to a stop at the entrance of the pantry. “That's...a lot of food.”

      It was true. The pantry was floor to ceiling non perishable food. Jars and cans of varying sizes lined the walls on all sides and were several rows deep on each shelf. Hinata hadn't seen this much food in one place in over three years. He had a sudden nostalgic feeling of being in a supermarket, something he never thought he would ever feel again. 

      “You alright there?” Hinata snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Tanaka who was staring at him concernedly. 

      “Yeah I'm...I just haven't seen this much food in a while,” Hinata breathed. 

      “That's right,” Tanaka said softly looking at Hinata. “Um… Why don’t you grab something. Anything. Anything you want. I'll take the blame if they say anything.”

      “What? No, I couldn't— you'd get in trouble, this is for everyone. I-I-I couldn't,” Hinata stumbled. 

      “Hinata,” Tanaka said flatly. “Fucking take something. You did deserve like a bag of… of…” he looked around the pantry looking for something Hinata could take, “wait here, I know where Asahi hides the sweets.” He disappeared into the racks. 

      “Wait!” Hinata called out to him. “I...I know what I want.” 

      “Alright, yeah,” Tanaka nodded walking over to him excitedly. “What are you in the mood for?”

      “Is...is there like, cheese or something?” Hinata asked hopeful. 

      “Fuck yeah we have cheese,” Tanaka said happily. “Dude Asahi makes cheese. Damn good cheese too. I'm going to get you some mother fucking cheese, follow me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm living vicariously through Hinata here because if there was an apocalypse, the indulgent food i would want would be cheese, but i'm lactose intolerant so i'd die


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly surprised by the level of positive responses I've gotten for this story. Thank you so much honestly, I'm so happy.   
> This story is one that I really love but because of the complexity of the story and what i want to do, it just takes me so long to write, so I apologize for the slow updates. I'm so grateful for the people who have read it so far and continue to read it. Thank you!!  
> on that note, this chapter will finally answer some questions, and it will also create a bunch more

* * *

      “So how do you know Kageyama?” Hinata was not expecting the question and practically spit out his food into his lap. Wiping his mouth, he turned his head towards Tanaka who was sitting just to his right leaning back against the raised ledge of the roof of the main building. They had snuck up their contraband to the roof so no one would see them eating at a non-designated meal time. Hinata and and Tanaka had been eating in mild silence before Tanaka broke the quiet with the question that almost caused Hinata to choke. 

      “Um, wha-what...uh...we...why- what do you mean?” Hinata stuttered, completely startled. He held the small hunk of cheese wrapped in a small cloth in his hand, not wanting to take another bite until he heard what else Tanaka had to say. 

      “You and Kageyama.” Hinata tensed uncomfortably. “You guys know each other right?” 

      Unable to lie convincingly, Hinata nodded. “Ye-yeah, um, we know– knew each other. From before.” 

      “I thought so,” Tanaka nodded like he just got difficult question correct. 

      “How um...how did you know?” Hinata asked looking down, at about to meet Tanaka’s gaze, fearing that he could see their history in his face.

      “You guys seemed, I don’t know, acquainted?” Tanaka shrugged. “Also really hostel. There seems to be a kind of animosity that knowing someone a day or two wouldn’t cause.”   

      “Yeah…” Hinata sighed.

      “So how’d you guys know each other?”

      “We um…” Hinata racked his brain for a way out of the conversation, but couldn’t find any. 

      “Oh wait let me try to guess.” Tanaka rubbed his chin in deep thought. “Hmm, ok so you guys obviously didn’t get along so hmm…”  Hinata bit his lip and stared down at his crossed legs, hoping to keep his heart rate steady. “So maybe… Oh you guys were like rivals in college or something? Maybe you guys were roommates that hated each other?” 

      “No we,” Hinata bit his lip hoping it wouldn't tremble, “we never lived together.”

      “Oh so maybe just like classroom enemies?” Tanaka pondered. “Or just you guys were in the same major and you didn't get along?” 

      “We didn't go to college together,” Hinata shook his head, looking down at his feet. 

      “Oh so this is an even older hatred, huh,” Tanaka said rubbing his chin deep in thought. “So I guess high school? You guys have hated each other since high school? That's like, a really really long time to hold a grudge don't you think?” Hinata shrugged not wanting to look up at him. “What could have possibly happened in high school that would still make you guys hate each other this much?” 

      He swallowed uncomfortably. “We were boyfriends,” Hinata said quietly. The resounding silence told Hinata all he needed to know about the look on Tanaka’s face without needing to glance at him. Not wanting to say anything further, Hinata refused to fill the growing silence despite how uncomfortable it made him feel. 

      “Seriously?” Tanaka asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Hinata gave a small nod, his mouth dry and unable to form words. “Dude… holy shit man. I would have never guessed it.” Hinata shrugged, his appetite now gone. “How long has it been since you guys have seen each other?” 

      “Um, probably about 10 years or so,” Hinata said.

      “Damn,” Tanaka whistled. “Did you guys date for a while?” 

      “We, um,” Hinata took a deep breath to try to steady his breathing. He was having trouble not getting trapped in his memories. “We dated from the middle of our first year to days before we were leaving for college.” Hinata swallowed the rising bile in his throat. “So, for a while.” He chanced a glance at Tanaka, and saw that he was staring at him with a level of surprise Hinata didn't know he could reach. 

      “Dude, that's a long fucking time.” Tanaka ran his hand across the top of his shaved head. 

      “Yeah,” Hinata croaked. 

      “But like, it must have ended horribly?” Hinata felt his whole body tense and his throat constrict. For years he had been able to put it out of his mind, but for the past few days it was all he could think about. 

      “Yeah, we didn't part on friendly terms.”

      “Do...do you want to talk about it or…?” Tanaka asked carefully. 

      “Do I want to talk about my high school break up?” Hinata skeptically. “No thanks.”

      “Right, I just thought maybe you'd want to talk about it or whatever,” Tanaka shrugged looking slightly uneasy. “It's gotta be weird seeing him here? He's probably the last person you'd thought you'd see.”

      “You have no idea,” Hinata breathed. “I honestly thought I'd never see him again. I mean, some part of me always imagined what it would be like to see him again. What I would feel, what we'd say, what we'd look like. Stuff like that. But once the CRITS stuff started I kind of stopped thinking about it.” Hinata shrugged, as if he was trying to shake the feeling of unease that had crawled up his neck. “Maybe I thought he died in the initial attack. I don't really know.” 

      “Did he say anything to you since seeing you here?” Tanaka asked. 

      “Not really,” Hinata said dismissively. “Although to be fair, I don't think I'd let him,” he said sheepishly. 

      “True,” Tanaka laughed. “I didn't realize that you guys knew each other that well.” Hinata gave a noncommittal shrug. “I mean, he didn't say anything when we rescued you and Yamaguchi.” Hinata whipped his head around to look at Tanaka who was looking in front of him thinking hard. Tanaka hadn't noticed the way Hinata was staring at him, with an  expression of a mix of confusion and horror. “We came into that piece of shit house you and Yamaguchi were in and he just went over and hoisted you up and carried you into the truck.”

      “What,” Hinata croaked. 

      “Yeah, I mean now I'm kinda seeing the whole thing differently though,” Tanaka admitted thoughtfully. 

      “He…” Hinata swallowed, his mouth dry and bitter.  

      “Kageyama just sorta, picked you up by your shoulders and legs and carried you,” Tanaka said, mimicking picking someone up bridal style. “You know what, he even carried you into the medic center too. I didn't even half to ask— normally that dweeb never wants to carry some injured stranger because he's paranoid about getting infected. But no, he just  _ scooped  _ you up.”

      “Please stop,” Hinata said under his breath. 

      “Oh sorry, I didn't mean to bother you or something,” Tanaka apologized. 

      “No I just,” Hinata took a deep breath. So many things were swimming in his head. The idea that Kageyama was there when he was rescued. That he had known he was there all along. 

_       That asshole. He knew I was here. That's why he wasn't surprised to see me. He'd known for days. But why did he just bring me in when he obviously doesn't want me here? What's his fucking deal?  _

      “Hinata?” Tanaka placed his hand on Hinata's shoulder to get his attention. 

      “I've, I've got to go,” Hinata said quickly. He got up and handed Tanaka the small piece of cheese still wrapped in the cloth. “Thank you so much for the food, it was delicious.” With that he turned around and left, ignoring the confused shouts of Tanaka behind him. 

      Taking the steps two at a time, Hinata ran down to the lobby of the main building. Once there, the only clear thought in his mind was to go to the medic center. That was the last place he knew Kageyama went to and that was the first place he was going to check. 

      With blind determination, Hinata went down to the medic center, his mind a murky cloud of confusion with the only thing clear being that he needed to talk to Kageyama. Pushing the double doors open, Hinata stepped in, almost scaring Yachi half to death with the sudden noise. 

      “Hinata!?” Yachi squeaked, dropped the clipboard in her hand. 

      “Is Kageyama still here?” Hinata asked looking around. He only saw a few people in the beds and the stacks of boxes medicine that they had brought in. 

      “Kageyama? No he left a little while ago,” Yachi said confused. “What's wrong? Did something happen?”

      “Did he saw where he was going?” Hinata asked feeling a little impatient. 

      “N-no,” Yachis shook her head. “I think he said something about speaking with Daichi.”

      “Ok thanks,” Hinata said turning and leaving immediately. He faintly heard give Yachi said “you're welcome” as he ran out and up the stairs again. All the running was giving him a slight pull where his stitches were, but a hand to his side told him he wasn't bleeding so he ignored it. Coming to the main building's lobby he paused for a moment to catch his breath and rack his brain as to where Daichi would be. 

_       I'm going to be with Border Patrol all day _

      Remembering what Daichi said earlier, Hinata made a beeline for the exit and ran down the main steps to the entrance heading for where he remembered the barn to be. With great focus and concentration, Hinata walked, barely noticing the people around him. With every step Hinata grew more and more annoyed and frustrated with Kageyama. 

      “Um?” Hinata heard from the side of him as he walked. “Is everything alright?” 

      He turned his head and saw Kuroo who was paused in his way into the rec center. He was looking at him with a mix of amusement and interest. 

      “You were grumbling under your breath,” Kuroo continued taking a step back to face Hinata. 

      “I—” Hinata didn't even realize he had been talking. “Do you know where Daichi is?” 

      “Oh, yeah he's with border patrol,” Kuroo said. 

      “Yeah I meant like where exactly,” Hinata repeated feeling the tightness of frustration in his neck. 

      “Um, probably at the tower with Oikawa,” Kuroo said gesturing vaguely into the distance towards the forest that the SMU went through hours earlier. 

      “The tower?” Hinata repeated, completely ignorant of what that was. “Can you tell me where that is?” 

      “I can do you one better, I'm bringing some ammunition to them, you can come with if you want,” Kuroo offered.

      “Yeah thanks,” Hinata nodded following Kuroo into the building. Kuroo walked then back down to the armory. 

      “Hey Shouyou!” Hinata heard Lev before he saw him, which was saying something. Bounding out from behind the gated armory, using his crutches more as propellers than walking supports, Lev came to a stop in front of them as they approached the desk. “Major Kuroo, what can I help you with?” 

      “I need the boxes of amo I packaged earlier,” Kuroo said gesturing into the armory. 

      “Sure boss,” Lev said spinning quickly in place, almost smacking his crutches against the desk as he hopped back inside. 

      “How has he not gotten eaten already?” Kuroo asked rhetorically, with an amused smirk. 

      “They say they that God watches over children and fools,” Hinata offered watching Lev stack boxes on cart. 

      “Well I don't know about God,” Kuroo said with a raised eyebrow. “But he definitely is a fool.”

      “I agree,” Hinata smiled. “About both.” 

      “Here you go,” Lev said pulled out a cart with two large roped up boxes on top with the edge of his crutch. 

      “Thanks Lev,” Kuroo said picking up a box. Hinata lifted another surprised at the heaviness of it. “I'll see you later, and when Bokuto comes back tell him ‘frog legs’ he'll know what that means, ok?” 

      “Yeah sure thing Major,” Lev nodded reverently, as if he had just been given the most important task ever. 

      “See you Lev,” Hinata said following Kuroo out. He waited until they were well out of earshot and outside to ask “is that like a super important code? Is something happening?” 

      “What? No,” Kuroo laughed. “Nah, Bokuto and I have an inside joke— honestly it's too long too explain and it wouldn't make sense anyway, but yeah.” 

      “Oh,” Hinata blinked. He hadn't expected such a human answer. Everything since he had arrived had felt so serious, he almost forgot that here people weren't just surviving day to day but were actually living; they could afford to make jokes and let loose and have fun. Hinata felt a tightening in his chest. 

_       When did I become like this? I'm fun.  _

      “Hey you still alive down there?” Kuroo teased, pulling Hinata out of thoughts. 

      “Yeah sorry,” Hinata said following Kuroo around the rec center to the back where there was a lone golf cart waiting. He placed the box in the back next to the other that Kuroo had out there. 

      “Ok, to the tower,” Kuroo said siding into the driver's seat. 

      “What exactly is the tower?” Hinata asked sitting next to him. 

      “Fairly self explanatory,” Kuroo chuckled. Hinata frowned slightly and Kuroo gave in and explained. “Ok so this used to be a fancy school right?”

      “Right.”

      “And we're right by the waterfront, which is why it gets fucking cold here during the winter but anyway. So the tower is actually the old lighthouse. It's not particularly tall, but it sits higher than the trees which is basically all we need.” 

      “I didn't know we were that close to the water,” Hinata said surprised. 

      “Well yeah,” Kuroo said looking at him like it was obvious. “How else do you think we have such a fish heavy diet?” 

      “I just didn't put it together,” Hinata shrugged. 

      “Well,” Kuroo said turning back to the worn dirt road through the fields. “It's a light house. But we call it the tower since it's nowhere near a functioning lighthouse anymore.” 

      “Cool,” Hinata nodded, looking out as they passed by dozens of people working in the fields. “This that where border patrol is based?” 

      “Look at you, getting the hang of things,” Kuroo smirked. 

      “I'm smart,” Hinata said defensively. 

      “I have no doubt,” Kuroo nodded with a smile. Hinata was about to protest when Kuroo spoke again. “Look, the trees are going to break on your right and you'll see it.” 

      Hinata turned his head right and saw just as the treeline broke, a tall brick lighthouse with a lots of people bustling around it. There was a battery of trucks parked in front of it each looking like the one that the SMU had used, but a few looked very different; one had a giant spotlight mounted on the flatbed and another had a tarp thrown over whatever was mounted in the back but by the look of it, Hinata could tell it was a machine gun off some sort.

      “Here, help me bring this shit in first,” Kuroo said turning off the golf cart. 

      “First?” Hinata repeated confused. 

      “Yeah, didn't you need to see Daichi?” Kuroo asked amusedly. 

      “Oh right,” Hinata said surprised he forgot. “Yeah, I need to go see Daichi.”

      “Right,” Kuroo said giving him an odd look. “Here just help me carry this to Iwaizumi.” 

      Hinata followed Kuroo through the litany of people bustling around in various stages of tactical gear. It seemed like every new place Hinata was brought to there were more and more people. He hadn't really had a good concept of how many people were living and working in the camp to make it sustainable. 

      “Yo! Iwaizumi!” Kuroo shouted. Hinata looked over at where Iwaizumi was standing in a group of men and women appearing to be giving them instructions. When he heard Kuroo shout for him, he excused himself from the group and motioned for Kuroo and Hinata to follow him towards the large double doored entrance at the base of the lighthouse. They followed him inside, walking past people with guns and talking in small groups. 

      “Here guys set it over here,” Iwaizumi said unlocking a large safe and pointing to the semi empty shelves. They placed the boxes inside the safe next to other partially empty boxes. “So are you on some sort of trial apprentice program?” 

      “What?” Hinata asked not sure if Iwaizumi was talking to him. 

      “I've seen you with SMU and now with the armory, am I to expect you the come to border patrol soon?” Iwaizumi smirked. 

      “He's actually just helping me out,” Kuroo said. “Hinata caught a ride over here with me so he could speak with Lieutenant Colonel Daichi.”

      “Daichi? I think I saw him by the shore,” Iwaizumi said locking the safe. “He’s probably talking with the coast guards.” 

      “Coast guards?” Hinata repeated with a raised eyebrow. 

      “I didn't name them,” Iwaizumi shrugged. 

      “Here I'll take you there and then I'll drive you back,” Kuroo said patting Hinata's shoulder. They waved bye to Iwaizumi as they walked back out of the light house and made their way down through the people to the shore. 

      “I'm starting to realize that there are a lot more people here than I thought,” Hinata said as they walked down the gravelly path to the rocky shore. 

      “Just now?” Kuroo laughed.

      “In my defense, I was in the hospital for most of my time here.”

      “True,” Kuroo nodded. “Yes, there's a lot of people here. It seems counter intuitive but actually the more the people we have, the more stable we are. More people means more jobs that can be done.”

      “That's actually like...yeah, really counter intuitive,” Hinata said furrowing his brow as he thought about it. 

      They traversed the gravel path, down onto the more rocky shore. As they approached Hinata could see that Daichi was talking to a small group of nautically dressed men and women. A fleet of various fishing and speed boats floated in deeper water behind them. The crunching of their footsteps alerted him to their presence and he turned and waved when he saw them. Excusing himself from the group Daichi walked over to Kuroo and Hinata. 

      “Yes?” Daichi said concernedly looking between them.

      “Sir, I needed to speak with you,” Hinata said seriously. 

      “That seems serious,” Daichi commented. 

      “I'll wait for you at the cart,” Kuroo says excusing himself, patting Hinata on the shoulder before walking away. 

      “It is, sir,” Hinata said standing more firmly. 

      “Daichi, please,” he said putting his hand up. “Now what's wrong?” 

      “I'm hear to talk about what Kageyama came to speak to you about.”

      “Oh?” Daichi said surprised. 

      “I don't know what Kageyama told you about me, but I'm a very hard worker. I'm ready to do whatever I can to pull my weight here and I'm grateful for my place on the Special Missions Unit, and while I will respect any decision you make, I just wanted to make my case before you removed me from my post.”

      “What?” Daichi asked confused. 

      “Sir, I promise not to let anything negative between Captain Kageyama and I affect my performance in the SMU. I don't know what Kageyama said about me but I swear it's not true, sir,” Hinata said rapidly, feeling himself get frantic in his hurry defend himself. 

      “Nothing he said was true?” Daichi said dubiously. 

      “Yes sir,” Hinata nodded. 

      “Well that's a shame,” Daichi sighed. “Because he told me that you were a tenacious, and focused, hard worker. It's a shame to think that that's no longer true.”

      “Uh,” Hinata blinked feeling thrown. “Sir… I didn't… didn't he ask for my removal from the unit?”

      “Not at all,” Daichi shook his head. “He asked to be removed.”

      “What?” Hinata sputtered. 

      “Kageyama spoke to me about him being transferred to another station in the camp. He said that he was concerned about his continuing on the SMU with...well, with you on the unit.” Hinata felt himself start the clench his jaw in annoyance. “Naturally I asked why he suddenly doubted his ability to be professional and he told me that it wasn't for him to explain, that I would need to speak with you.”

      “Yeah he would say that, typical,” Hinata growled. 

      “So you do have an idea as to why he would suddenly act this way,” Daichi surmised. 

      “Yes sir,” Hinata sighed. “But...I...if I can put it aside to work with him, so can he.”

      “That's what I told him,” Daichi laughed. “I said that I would give it thought but that in no way my senior most officer in the SMU was going to suddenly change posts without a good reason.”

      “Good,” Hinata nodded. “Fucking asshole, he always wants to play the martyr— oh sorry sir.”

      “It's fine,” Daichi smiled. 

      “Well I'm glad I spoke with you,” Hinata said feeling more annoyed than before. 

      “Likewise,” Daichi nodded. “Although, I am surprised that there would be something that caused so much animosity between you for knowing each other for so short a period of time.”

      “Uh…” Hinata began. “Yeah…”

      “You knew each other before,” Daichi stated. 

      “Yeah…” Hinata mumbled. 

      “You don't have to explain if you don't want to, but if...whatever you two...have between you grows in hostility and affects the safety of your other unit members I will remove you. The both of you.”

      “I understand sir.”

      “Good,” Daichi smiled clapping him on the shoulder. “Now I need to have a discussion with the coast guards so I'll see you later.” Hinata watched Daichi walk back to the group of people he had excused himself from earlier.

      Taking a deep breath, Hinata turned around and made his way back up the path and other to where Kuroo was leaning against the golf cart waiting for him. He tried to calm himself as stomped over to Kuroo.  


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> regular posting schedules? what are those??  
> I'm so amazed at the response to this story! I never expected people to read, let alone like it lol. but the comments have been so awesome and i'm really glad to see there's interest. thank you for reading so much!!  
> there's a time skip in this chapter and a flahsback, and it gets explained in the dialogue but just in case there's any confusion just be on the lookout for a time jumps.

* * *

      “All done?” Kuroo asked with a raised eyebrow as Hinata dropped himself into the passenger seat.

      “Yeah,” Hinata grunted. 

      “So the conversation with Daichi didn't go well?” Kuroo asked as he got into the driver's seat and turned on the cart. 

      “It went fine,” Hinata said grinding his teeth. 

      “Of course,” Kuroo snorted. “You know we don't have a dentist right? Don't go clenching that jaw and breaking all your teeth,” he joked as he pulled out and started driving back down the makeshift road. 

      “You're right,” Hinata sighed trying to relax. “I just...I swear coming here has been more dramatic than trying to survive on my own.”

      “That's just human nature,” Kuroo said as he navigated the road. “Drama.”

      “Sometimes I wonder if it would be better to be one of the CRITS,” Hinata said to himself. 

      “Yeah I know what you mean,” Kuroo answered quietly. “Acting on nothing but the most base animalistic instincts, sounds better than wondering if you're going to die everyday. Not worrying about the people around you, not caring about others.” 

      Hinata looked up at Kuroo's face and saw him looking solemn and serious. In that moment Hinata realized that Kuroo wasn't just someone who worked in the armory; he was someone who lived in the camp and had friends and had people he cared about and probably lost just as much as he had when everything went to shit. Kuroo was another person with his own story. 

      “Yeah,” Hinata said softly. “Sometimes I wonder if that's better.”

      “Me too,” Kuroo said. He seemed to pull himself out of his thoughts and a smirk crossed his face. “But then I remember things like alcohol and sex, and I'm pretty sure CRITS don't have sex.”

      “You don't know that,” Hinata laughed grateful that Kuroo made a joke. 

      “That's true,” Kuroo grinned. “But I don't intend on finding out.”

      “Fair enough,” Hinata smiled. 

      “Did you need to go anywhere in particular?” Kuroo asked as they drove through the fields approaching the camp. 

      “Um,” Hinata thought. “Do you know where Kageyama is?”

      “You are just doing a whole camp tour aren't you?” Kuroo teased. 

      “Yeah,” Hinata frowned remembering his conversation with Daichi. “So, do you know where he is?”

      “What time is it? Like 1800?” Kuroo said looking up at the sky. 

      “I guess,” Hinata said looking at where the sun was in the sky. “Why?”

      “Cause that means Kageyama's probably training,” Kuroo said going towards the rec center. “Routine like I've never seen that one has.”

      “Yeah,” Hinata said fighting the flood of memories that began to pour into his mind. 

      “Here you go,” Kuroo said stopping in front of rec center. 

      “Thanks, for you know, everything,” Hinata said as he got out of the golf cart. 

      “Don't worry about it,” Kuroo shrugged. “It only means you owe me a bunch of favors.”

      “Of course,” Hinata nodded with a small smile. He walked over to the brick and glass building’s front door and opened it. Walking inside he paused a moment trying to think where Kageyama would be. The building was mostly silent but after a few seconds Hinata could hear the rhythmic clinking of metal coming from his left. Turning he looked down the glass hall that led to a room that looked like it held weight training equipment. He slowly approached the room and the clinking of metal grew louder until he stepped into the room and he could see Kageyama bench pressing what looked to be a or 200 pounds. 

      “That's dangerous,” Hinata said as he walked over to the bench where Kageyama was. “You shouldn't be doing this without a spotter.”

      “My spotter is in the medical center with pneumonia,” Kageyama said between breaths. 

      “Then do something else,” Hinata said flatly. 

      “What's it to you?” Kageyama said as he lifted the bar high above him and rested it on the holding pikes. 

      Hinata watched his back as he slowly sat up. His hair was slightly matted in the back where he had been resting against the bench. The navy muscle shirt he was wearing was sticking slightly to his back from his sweat and Hinata could see the outline of his muscles flexing as he drank of a water bottle.

      “Nothing, you're right,” Hinata shrugged. “I don't care.”

      “Fascinating,” Kageyama said dryly as he rubbed his head with a small towel. “Why are you here?”

      “Because you're a dick.”

      “Wow,” Kageyama mumbled sarcastically. He folded his towel and picked up his water bottle and got up from the bench. With an unamused look, he turned towards Hinata. 

      Hinata wasn't exactly ready for the image presented in front of him. Nothing could have really prepared him for it actually. Hinata could feel his mouth go dry as he took in Kageyama and all his sweaty glory. 

      Sweating and breathing slightly heavily from exertion, Kageyama stared at him with his taped up left hand on his hip. His sleeveless shirt hung loosely off his body displaying his arms, and his broad and defined chest. The black sweatpants he had on sat low on his hips. Hinata wouldn't let himself look any lower than the hand on his hip. 

      “Are we just going to have a staring contest?” Kageyama asked sounding impatient. Hinata frowned and felt his aggravation grow. “Or do you have an actual reason for disrupting me?”

      “Yeah I do,” Hinata said annoyed. 

      “Well?” Kageyama prompted. 

      “What fuck is wrong with you?” Hinata asked. 

      “You're going to have to be a little more specific,” Kageyama said sarcastically. 

      “You act all squirrelly, you ignore me, you tell me to fuck off and then you go to Daichi and tell him I'm a good worker and you try to resign? What's your game man?” Hinata asked annoyed. 

      “So you spoke to Daichi,” Kageyama sighed, turning around and walking towards the small sink in the corner of the room. 

      “Yeah, you didn't think I would?” Hinata said following him. “I thought you were trying get me kicked off, I was pissed.”

      “Why would I try to get you kicked off?” Kageyama asked sticking his head under the faucet and rising his hair. 

      “Because you're an asshole,” Hinata bit back. 

      “But I didn't try to get you kick off, so what does that make me now?” Kageyama asked turning off the faucet and lifting his head. He ran the towel through his hair in a motion that Hinata internally fought with himself to label as adorable. 

      “Still an asshole,” Hinata said, crossing his arms and Kageyama stood up and turned towards him. 

      “Wow,” Kageyama said rolling his eyes. He walked past Hinata and started unloading the weights from the bar and began placing them on the holding rack. 

      “So what's your game?” Hinata said following him. “Why are you telling Daichi I'm a good worker?”

      “Is it so strange to think that maybe I believe that?” Kageyama said glancing up at him. 

      “Yes,” Hinata said like it was obvious. Kageyama only shrugged and continued putting the weights away. “You know, I don't understand you anymore.”

      “Did you ever?” Kageyama quipped not looking up.

      “I thought I did once,” Hinata said quietly. Kageyama paused in his movements for a moment. He glanced up at Hinata who was staring at him feeling uncomfortably exposed. 

      “What do you want from me?” Kageyama asked putting the last weight back on the rack. 

      “I want to come up with a plan with you,” Hinata said. Kageyama raised an eyebrow at him. “We can't... being hostile with each other is going to get us nowhere.”

      “I haven't been hostile,” Kageyama said with an air of superiority. 

      “Well you haven't been friendly,” Hinata said flatly. Kageyama shrugged. “And we obviously need to work together and it's not just our safety at stake. We need to be civil, or at least professional.”

      “Ok,” Kageyama said like he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. 

      “So…” Hinata continued. “Are you willing to be civil?”

      “I was never not civil with you,” Kageyama sighed. “The only one of us who has been uncivil has been you.”

      “Well excuse me for not being super nice to you, but I don't exactly think so well of you anymore,” Hinata snapped. “And you're a not exactly my first choice in people I wanted to see again.”

      “And you think I wanted to see you?” Kageyama asked coldly. “Ex boyfriend is not exactly high on the list of people you want to survive an apocalypse with.”

      “Don't I know it,” Hinata grumbled. 

      “You know, you're the one making things uncivil,” Kageyama said accusingly. “We could've… I don't know, ignored it or something—”

      “Ignored it?” Hinata huffed. “Just ignore it!?”

      “Well is this better?” Kageyama shouted motioning between them. 

      “I can't ignore it!” Hinata cried. “My life was  completely changed because of you, so no I can't ignore it!”

      “And my life didn't change!?” Kageyama yelled back. 

      “Who cares!” Hinata shouted. “You ruined my life, and you have the balls to say you've been civil towards me. Who fucking cares if your life changed, you're the one who changed it. You did this to us— to me. So no, I can't ignore it.”

      “I…” Kageyama began. “I'm sorry.”

      “Wow,” Hinata laughed humorlessly. “You know, for a very long time I wanted to hear that from you. But now… it just feels so hollow.”

      “I never meant to ruin your life,” Kageyama said quietly. 

      “Really?” Hinata asked skeptically. “Because from my perspective it felt a lot like you were trying to ruin my life.”

      “Well I wasn't, I lo—...I wasn't,” Kageyama said looking away. They stood silently just breathing as all their unsaid words hung in the air. 

      “Just,” Hinata said thickly. “Just lets be civil ok?” Kageyama nodded looking down at his hands. 

      “I'm… I'm not,” he sighed taking a deep breath, “I want to live here, I really do. And I don't think it's good for us to be at each other's throats all the time. So, we should just...we don't have to forget everything, I know I can't, but maybe we can just put on a brave face and for the sake of peace just pretend.”

      “Pretend?” Kageyama repeated quietly. 

      “Yeah pretend we don't have…” Hinata looked at Kageyama who was staring at him with a melancholy look. “History. Just when we're out with everyone. For the sake of survival. We just pretend. We act as if...if…”

      “If we never…” Kageyama trailed off. Hinata caught his eye and they both understood without having to finish the thought. 

      “Exactly,” Hinata nodded. “I'm not saying it's going to be easy. God knows I want to bash your face in half the time and the other half I want to scream at you—”

      “Gosh, tell me how you really feel,” Kageyama breathed. 

      “But,” Hinata continued ignoring him, “two people have already figured us out. And I just got here, I don't need people knowing and assuming things about me based on what they think they know about me. I've already had to deal with that and it's not… I need to be my own person. Not attached to you in anyway.”

      “Fair enough,” Kageyama nodded. 

      “So, that's a plan then?” Hinata asked feeling oddly hopeful. 

      “Of course,” Kageyama agreed. 

      “Right,” Hinata sighed. “I'll leave you then, I'll see you later.” He turned and made for the exit when he felt a hand on his arm keeping him from going. 

      “I—” Kageyama began quickly. “I know you blame me for ruining your life, and that's probably true and well deserved. But I just want you to know that I—”

      “Please don't,” Hinata interrupted. He couldn't bring himself to glance back at Kageyama. “Just leave well enough alone.”

 

* * *

      “So,” Hinata swallowed, looking at the school's entrance from the safety of the tree lined park across the street. “How do we do this?”

      “Um,” Kageyama gulped. His grip on Hinata's hand tightened as he grew more and more nervous. “I'm not sure.”

      “Well we can't... we can't just go in there holding hands,” Hinata said looking up at Kageyama. 

      “I know,” Kageyama nodded. 

      “But–but I don't want to not see you or not be with you at school,” Hinata said quickly seeing Kageyama's face deflate slightly. “I...I really like you Kageyama.”

      “I really like you,” Kageyama said giving the small smile that made Hinata's insides melt. 

      “But maybe…” Hinata began unsure how to phrase it. 

      “Yeah?” Kageyama asked looking worried. 

      “Maybe just while we're at school,” Hinata continued shakily. “We just kind of pretended... we're just friends.” He watched as slight smile slipped off Kageyama's face. Anxiety and worry settled into the cracks it had left behind and Kageyama's hand began to slide out of Hinata's hand. 

      “Ok,” Kageyama said thickly. 

      “Wait,” Hinata said taking Kageyama's hand back. “That doesn't mean I don't want to be your–your boyfriend.” The term was still new and uncomfortable in his mouth. “I do, I really do. But when we're at school… well if the teachers find out… and our parents…”

      “I understand,” Kageyama nodded. “Just when we're at school.”

      “We just pretend,” Hinata said giving him the most reassuring smile he could muster. “But that's all it is, Kageyama. It's just pretend. It's not real.”

* * *

      Hinata opened his eyes and it was still completely dark in his room. The sounds of the birds were beginning to draw louder outside his window and he knew that it was not that far from dawn. Yet he couldn't go back to sleep. 

      Rubbing the last visages sleep out of his eyes, Hinata swung his legs out of bed and walked over to his drawers and pulled out whatever pants he touched first. Slipping on his jeans over briefs he grabbed a t-shirt before he carefully opened his door. He slipped his key in his pocket and pulled the door close behind him as he made his way up the staircase.

      Pushing open the door to the roof, Hinata took a deep breath as he saw the inky sky. The sunlight hadn't yet begun to climb the horizon and everything around him was still dark and cool. He took a few steps toward the edge and sat down with his feet dangling off the side. 

      He sat and watched as the sky went from navy to pink as the sun came up. When the door to the roof opened behind him, he knew exactly who it was. 

      “I knew you'd be up here,” Yamaguchi said coming to sit next to him. 

      “You know me too well,” Hinata smiled. 

      “Way to well,” Yamaguchi joked. “So why are you up here and not getting breakfast?”

      “I wasn't hungry yet,” Hinata shrugged. 

      “You not hungry?” Yamaguchi smirked. 

      “I know,” Hinata smiled. “I must be sick.”

      “That's what I was thinking,” Yamaguchi said. “No really, what's wrong?”

      “I was just thinking,” Hinata began. 

      “Oh, dangerous,” Yamaguchi grinned. 

      “Yeah,” Hinata chuckled. “But I woke up and I realized that I've been here two months.”

      “Has it really been that long?” Yamaguchi breathed. 

      “Yeah,” Hinata nodded. 

      “Wow,” Yamaguchi whispered. 

      “I know,” Hinata said. “I never thought that there would be a time again where I could live and not count each day. But here I...I forgot.”

      “That's a good thing,” Yamaguchi said carefully. “That we can live and not be worried about whether we're going to wake up tomorrow.”

      “I just…” Hinata let out a breath, “I had a dream. About the mansion.”

      “Hinata...” Yamaguchi said carefully. 

      “I know, I'm fine. I swear,” he said earnestly. “But that doesn't mean... I just can't shake it. And now matter how safe I feel here I still can't forget. In fact, the safer I feel here the more I think about it. Because I thought we were safe there.”

      “Hinata…” Yamaguchi began heavily. “This place is nothing like the mansion. We're nothing like we were when we were in the mansion.”

      “I know,” Hinata nodded. 

      “So...you can't put it out of your mind, but just don't think that we're anywhere near that level of unsafe.”

      “I know.”

      “Come on let's go get some food,” Yamaguchi said getting up and brushing his jeans off. “No more sitting up here and brooding.”

      “Ok,” Hinata smiled softly. He stood up, brushing off the back of his jeans and adjusting his shirt. 

      They walked down the stairs and across the bustling courtyard to the main building. As they entered and went up to the dining hall they heard Tanaka before they saw him. 

      “..yeah then we were driving and then out of fucking nowhere like five fucking CRITS come out onto the road. And so I'm like ‘oh fuck no’ so I swerve the truck, and as the truck is like— _ wham _ — and I'm like driving sideways, Hinata just fucking gets up in the flatbed and is like—  _ bam bam bam—  _ shoots them down real quick. Like they didn't even have time to stop running at us before they fucking dropped. It was fucking wild.”

      “Showing off again?” Yamaguchi asked Tanaka as they walked over to the table he was sitting at. Kuroo and Bokuto were seated next to Tanaka on his left with Kageyama sitting on his right suddenly very focused on his breakfast when he caught Hinata's eye. 

      “Since he got here,” Kuroo said earning him a glare from Tanaka. 

      “I'm just telling my tales to those not lucky enough to to have been there,” Tanaka motioning around him. 

      “What? I was there,” Kageyama said through a mouth full of toast. 

      “Ok, obviously not you,” Tanaka said exasperatedly. 

      “I like hearing the stories,” Bokuto piped in. 

      “Thanks,” Tanaka said nodding at Bokuto. 

      “Kuroo and I don't nearly have that many interesting stories like that working in the armory,” Bokuto said. 

      “What are you talking about, a grenade nearly went off in the armory yesterday,” Kuroo said with a furrowed brow. 

      “True,” Bokuto nodded. 

      “On that note, we're gonna get breakfast,” Yamaguchi said walking away, motioning for Hinata to follow him. They walked over to the counter and starting putting food on their plates. “Oh, hey look these are the strawberries I helped grow in the greenhouse,” Yamaguchi said putting a few on his plate. “Yaku is a genius for agriculture, we're growing so much produce.”

      “That's awesome,” Hinata smiled putting some on his plate. 

      “Yeah, he said he's going to put me in charge of the winter vegetables soon,” Yamaguchi said excitedly. 

      “Is that like...a high honor?”

      “Don't be an ass,” Yamaguchi laughed, shoving Hinata playfully. “It's awesome.”

      “Well then I'm glad,” Hinata smiled. They took their plates and walked over to the table where Tanaka had continued telling them stories of the SMU. 

      “—and you should have seen it, last week Kenma was mapping this one area and he almost fell into this hole that was covered by like fallen branches and stuff and at the bottom were these two fucking gnarly CRITS,” Tanaka said gesturing wildly with his fork. 

      “Oh yeah, he told me about that,” Kuroo nodded. “He said it was your fault he almost fell.”

      “No way, that's bullshit,”Tanaka said dismissively. 

      “It totally was,” Hinata said taking the only empty seat that happened to be next to Kageyama, who visibly stiffened when he sat down. 

      “Nuh uh,” Tanaka said shaking his head. 

      “Uh huh,” Hinata mimicked picking up his fork. 

      “Hey, move over,” Yamaguchi said pulling up a chair next to Hinata between him and Kuroo. They both moved to the side as Yamaguchi pulled in his chair into the tight spot. “Thanks.”

      “No problem,” Hinata said turning back to his breakfast, trying to ignore the way his thigh was pressed up against Kageyama's thigh. 

      “So what are your big SMU plans for today?” Bokuto asked leaning back in his seat. “Any daring rescue missions planned?”

      “Well it's our first mission with our medic back,” Tanaka said rubbing his fingertips through his shaved hair. 

      “Oh Tsukki’s joining you guys again?” Kuroo asked with a level of intrigue. 

      “Yeah, he's finally all rested up and recovered,” Yamaguchi said taking a sip of water. “I'd been bringing him lots of herbs from our gardens to help strengthen his lungs. He's much better now, probably than before he got sick too.”

      “Well that's what two months vacation can do for you,” Tanaka said with a shrug. 

      “It wasn't a vacation.” Hinata turned his head and saw a cross looking blonde man standing beside the table. He's glasses sat low on his nose as he looked down at Tanaka with a sour expression. 

      “Tsukki, you're back,” Kuroo said happily. 

      “Unfortunately,” he said walking towards the food counter. Hinata saw as Kuroo watched him walk away with a soft smile on his face. 

      “Yay, Tsukishima’s back,” Kageyama said with no excitement whatsoever. 

      “And I don't know why you got that stupid frown on,” Tanaka laughed at Kageyama. “He's your friend. You missed him.”

      “Nope,” Kageyama said continuing eating without looking up. 

      “Yeah right,” Tanaka smirked. “Well obviously you're super happy,” he said to Kuroo, who was eyeing Tsukishima from across the room. 

      “I don't know what you're talking about,” Kuroo said, his eyes not leaving Tsukki's back. 

      “Right,” Tanaka said dubiously. “Well all I know is if that asshole is coming back on our unit our little reign of fun is over.”

      “Why is that?” Hinata asked as he chewed. 

      “Because he's the medic so basically the wet blanket of the group,” Kageyama frowned. He glanced over at Hinata but as soon as they made eye contact he looked away. 

      “He just interested in safety,” Kuroo said still looking over at Tsukishima. 

      “He's interested in being annoying,” Tanaka frowned. 

      “Kuroo's just interested,” Bokuto smirked as Kuroo reached behind him to pull a chair form the slightly empty table behind them and forcing it between him and Yamaguchi pusing everyone else even closer together. 

      “Hey, Tsukki I have a chair for you,” Kuroo grinned patting the new seat next to him. 

      “Ugh,” he groaned but walked over and sat down anyway. 

      “You should eat quickly,” Tanaka said. “We have a meeting with Daichi at 700 hours. 

      “I literally just sat down,” Tsukishima frowned. “Give me like 5 minutes, God.”

      “Just saying, damn.”

      “What's this meeting about? Did he say?” Hinata asked. 

      “Iwaizumi told me that there was weird movement they were picking up on the telescopes last night,” Tanaka said. “It could be nothing, probably a bunch of deer or whatever. But it could also be something, like a horde of CRITS and stuff.” 

      “I hope not,” Yamaguchi said concerned. 

      “Me too,” Kageyama agreed. 

      “Well I personally don't mind either way,” Hinata shrugged. “I just like going out beyond the confines of the camp. Driving around, shooting, going missions.” He caught a glimpse of Kageyama's scowl. “I mean don't get me wrong, it's dangerous and whatever, but that doesn't make it any less exciting.” 

      “Exciting,” Kageyama repeated much less enthusiastically. “Not the word.” 

      “If the world out there is anything like the nightmares I still have from surviving, I'm perfectly happy to live without that kind of excitement,” Yamaguchi said. 

      “I think the word you're looking for is reckless,” Tsukishima said picking up his glass of water. 

      “You don't think it's kind of exciting?” Hinata asked. “Not even a bit?” 

      “No,” Tsukishima and Kageyama said in unison, which seemed to irritate them both. 

      Dropping the point, Hinata frowned as he watched the rest of them finish their breakfast. Once the members of the SMU were all done, they headed together towards the Library to meet with Daichi. Tsukishima and Tanaka bickered as they walked, leaving Kageyama to fall into place with Hinata. 

      Needless to say, their relationship over the past months hadn't been ideal. They were awkward at times, occasionally unnecessarily hostile, with just a hint of antagonistic prodding. Hinata hadn't expected it to be easy, but he just hadn't expected it to be this hard. Though it had been his idea to “pretend” and act civilly towards each other, Hinata found that more difficult than he'd imagined. 

      At first glance, Hinata and Kageyama were two guys who met just over two months ago when Hinata was rescued and brought to the camp. They happen to be on the same unit and they work well together, if just a bit distant. They spoke amicably towards each other and act congenially during their off hours and while they worked. The two of them gave no impression of their previous involvement. 

      However, in reality Hinata felt like pulling his hair out and screaming in Kageyama's face all the time. Working every day with him was a test of his patience. Each time he had to follow one of his orders without protest, or sit next to him on the flatbed as they drove, or even engage in conversation with him, Hinata felt another part of himself curl in on itself, frustrated. 

      “Here I got it,” Kageyama said, reaching his arm over Hinata's head and holding open the door to the library. 

      “Thanks,” Hinata said, biting back a comment about being able to hold up his own doors. He glanced up at the hand above his head holding onto the door. Kageyama who almost exclusively wore long sleeve shirts, happened to be wearing a short sleeved Tshirt in the grueling August heat. As he walked through the door, he caught a glimpse of his wrist which was taped up and wrapped in a sort of athletic tape. 

      “No problem,” Kageyama said quietly walking in behind him. 

      “What happened to your wrist?” Hinata asked turning his head to Kageyama as they followed Tanaka and Tsukishima to the meeting room. 

      “Oh,” Kageyama said seemingly surprised that Hinata even asked. “It's um…” he looked down at his wrist like he had no idea how to answer. “I hurt it. Lifting weights,” he said like he just thought of it. 

      “I tell you all the time that you need a spotter,” Hinata frowned walking in ahead. 

      “Yeah,” Kageyama swallowed as they walked into the meeting room. 

      “Hey guys,” Daichi greeted from the head of the table. Kenma was sat at the seat to his right, pulling out a large hand drawn map. 

      “What's up Daichi?” Tanaka asked pulling out a chair across from Kenma who was doing his best the flatten out the map. 

      “Let's get right to this,” Daichi sighed pulling the map towards himself. The rest of them filled out the table sitting down and facing Daichi. “Aone reported that him and the other Watch Guards saw some sort of odd movement in the forest about 4 kilometers from the tower as the crow flies. Which places it about here,” Daichi pointed to a general area in the map in front of them. 

      “Are we to check this out?” Hinata asked looking at what Kenma had drawn as a highly densely forested area. 

      “Well this part happens to be incredibly rocky and heavily forested,” Daichi frowned at the map. “You won't be able to drive the truck in any further than about here,” he placed his finger on the map about 2 centimeters away from the area they needed to get to. “From there on you'll have to walk.”

      “All of us?” Tanaka asked surprised. 

      “Yeah I'm not sure on that,” Daichi's frown deepened. “Honestly all 5 of you walking through there doesn't sit right with me. Too much noise. Too many possibilities of being seen and attacked. Safety in numbers doesn't really apply in this situation.”

      “What if we split the mission into two parts?” Kenma suggested. “We do an initial search of the surrounding area. If we find a trail we follow that. But if don't see anything, we come back regroup and send a small unit. Maybe two people who can move in and out quickly.”

      “I like that plan better,” Daichi agreed. 

      “So we should get going if we're gonna need to come back,” Kageyama said standing up from his seat next to Hinata

      “Good idea,” Tanaka agreed standing up too. “We should meet back at the barn in an hour.” 

      “Yes sir,” they all said in unison getting up from their seats. 

      “Sir,” Hinata said getting Daichi's attention as the rest of his team filtered out of the room. “I have a question.”

      “Sure, go ahead,” Daichi asked, waiting until the last person had left the room. Just as he closed the door behind him, Kageyama threw a curious glance behind at them but left anyway. 

      “Sir, I was wondering— I know this is probably not an appropriate time to ask but I was wondering… Did you ever come up with your final decision on my placement here on the SMU?”

      “Do you mean based on your and Kageyama's behavior?” Daichi asked with an arched brow. 

      “Um, yes.”

      “Well,” Daichi said taking a deep breath like he hadn't been expected to be asked this just yet. “You and Captain Kageyama seem to be behaving amiably and not endangering each other or the rest of your teammates. I haven't had any complaints nor do I have any lingering concerns. Your placement in the unit seems well placed and you both seem to have situated well. I think your positions are safe.”

      “Thank you,” Hinata nodded. 

      “No problem,” Daichi smiled. “But honestly I didn't think you even had to ask. If there was a problem I would have said something. And to be honest, I don't know why there was such a problem in the first place. You two seem to get along.” Hinata couldn't help but snort. “Am I wrong?”

      “Sir, I don't mean to be rude but…” Hinata bit his lip trying to find the right way to word what he wanted to say. “Kageyama and I will never  _ get along _ . It's just not in our nature. But apparently we are really good at pretending to get along, which is more important.”

      “I wish you would tell me why it is you two refuse to be friends,” Daichi sighed. “But I won't press if you don't want to tell me.”

      “You wouldn't believe me if I told you,” Hinata shook his head. 

      “Fair enough,” Daichi resigned. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the comments so far have been so awesome. I love reading people's speculation on the characters and what happened, it makes writing this so much more fun.   
> also i would just like to put a general *warning*   
> as the story continues there's going to be more genre related angst and violence. plus mentions of things like unhealthy parental relationships, self harm, and drugs. I will be updating the tags and i will always have a warning in the AN here in each chapter where something is mentioned. I understand if some of those themes make people not want to continue reading. thank you  
> *warning* minor mentions of self harm

* * *

      By the time Hinata made it to the barn, the rest of his unit was already loading the truck with Iwaizumi. Jogging over to help, Hinata went over to the flatbed and grabbed the the rope to tie all the equipment down. 

      “Thanks Hinata,” Iwaizumi said pulling on the rope and checking the knot that Hinata tied. 

      “No problem,” Hinata smiled, tying another knot around the crates of equipment. 

      “Hey are we all ready to go?” Tanaka asked as he pulled on his tactical vest over his tight black t-shirt.

      “Almost,” Tsukishima said as he checked his medical case. 

      “It's almost weird having you back,” Tanaka said clapping him hard on the back. 

      “Don't do that,” Tsukishima frowned rubbing his back. “And I wouldn't be back if Daichi hadn't made me come back.”

      “Why not?” Tanaka asked feigning hurt. Tsukishima only continued looking through his things and ignored him. “Whatever, we'll get used to your apathetic scowl soon enough.”

      “I pray in wait,” Tsukishima said sarcastically under his breath. 

      Hinata walked over to Kenma who held out his tactical vest for him. He pulled it on over his t-shirt, wishing he didn't have to wear something so stifling in this oppressive heat. 

      “Wow, so did you finally run out of long sleeve shirts?” Tanaka joked punching Kageyama's bare arm. 

      “No,” Kageyama frowned, rubbing his arm. “It was just too hot to wear one.”

      “Yeah I know I'm fucking sweating my balls off,” Tanaka groaned picking up the hem of his shirt. “It's so hot, even Kenma isn't wearing clothes.” Hinata looked over at Kenma who was glaring at Tanaka. He was only wearing the boots they all wear, a pair of black tactical pants and a green tank under his vest. 

      “I'm wearing clothes,” Kenma frowned. 

      “Ok you're all set,” Iwaizumi said banging on the side of truck. 

      “Alright everyone let’s load in,” Tanaka instructed making his way to the driver's seat. 

      Hinata climbed up into the flatbed in his usual seat across from Kageyama. His usual flutter of nervous right before they embarked outside the camp gates seemed to be operating slower in the extreme heat. Kageyama gave his customary slap to the side of the truck signaling to Tanaka that they were ready to go and Tanaka peeled out of the grass outside the barn with a small wave to Iwaizumi. 

      Even after months of living at the camp and going on excursions constantly, Hinata still hadn't grown tired of the feeling of leaving the safety of the gates. As Tanaka yelled at Yamamoto to open the forest gate, Hinata had to fight to keep down the instinct to go back to camp. He found his job exciting but that didn't mean he didn't want to be safe. 

      But the gates closed behind them and they drove off, the feeling of anxiety and nerves was replaced by pure adrenaline and excitement. Hinata looked around at the trees in the forest he had come to know so well and thought about how different his life had been only a few months ago. 

      “Why are you making that face?” Hinata blinked himself out of his thoughts thinking the question was directed at him but when he turned he saw Kageyama frowning at Tsukishima. He had almost forgotten that Tsukishima was also sitting in the flatbed next to Kageyama. 

      “This is just my face, this is how I was born,” Kageyama scowled. 

      “You look constipated,” Tsukishima continued. “And stupid.”

      “Well then I just look like you,” Kageyama retorted looking smug. 

      “No, I didn't say you looked smart and handsome,” Tsukishima grinned. Rolling his eyes Kageyama groaned and turned so he was facing the direction they were driving in. Hinata couldn't help but smirk at someone else getting on Kageyama's nerves. 

      “Wow,” Hinata nodded with an impressed smile. “You made him mad so fast. It usually takes me another minute.”

      “Thanks,” Tsukishima smirked. “It's so easy to be honest, I'm surprised you can't do it faster.”

      “You know being fast isn't a good thing,” Kageyama sneered at Tsukishima. 

      “Well, but I finish,” Tsukishima said smugly. 

      “Oh my god, fuck off,” Kageyama groaned. 

      “See, so easy,” he shrugged. 

      “Amazing,” Hinata agreed. 

      “Guys,” Kenma's said sliding open the back window from the cabin into the flatbed. “We're approaching the area that's about 2 kilometers from the area so keep your eyes peeled.”

      “Ok,” Kageyama nodded turning his head to look out behind him. 

      “What exactly are we looking for?” Tsukishima asked turning to his left to look in the direction of where they were leaving from. 

      “Weren't you in the meeting with Daichi?” Kageyama sneered. “I thought you were sick that whole time not becoming stupid.”

      “I  _ was  _ sick but you're  _ still _ stupid,” Tsukishima responded. “And yes I was in the meeting but as in his my first excursion since I was discharged from the medical center I thought you, someone who didn't not have pneumonia, would have more information. But alas…”

      “Anything out of place,” Hinata piped in. They both turned their heads to him like they had forgotten he was there too. “Aone saw strange movement and we're checking out what it could have been. So anything that provides information.”

      “Ah I see. Thank you,” Tsukishima said glancing at Kageyama who was frowning. “Anything out of place.”

      Hinata watched Tsukishima settle in to look out behind them as Kageyama glared at him. Kageyama threw Hinata an annoyed glare to which he was surprised by, before turning so he could survey out the truck's right side. Ignoring Kageyama's annoyance at him, Hinata turned so he could look out of the trucks left side. 

      It felt like they drove for hours before anyone said anything. Soon the trees and the bushes and the hills and the dirt and the leaves and the ground and rocks and the mud and everything began to blur in Hinata's mind until he felt like he wasn't seeing anything. He had been focusing so hard on trying to see something, anything important but in reality he hadn't seen anything. Not movement, not an animal, not even a few CRITS; nothing. And that was the most disconcerting. 

      “We're pulling over for a second guys,” Kenma said through the small window again getting their attention. 

      Tanaka pulled the truck over to a small clearing in the forest. Ready to stretch his legs, Hinata jumped out of the truck as soon as it was stopped. Everyone clambered off the truck, stretching and moving their tired limbs. 

      “So I'm assuming that no one saw anything since no one has said anything,” Tanaka said grabbing water bottles from the cabin of the truck and tossing them to everyone. 

      “Yeah I’ve got nothing,” Kageyama said opening his bottle of water. 

      “Me neither,” Kenma agreed. 

      “Yeah, me too,” Tanaka sighed annoyed. 

      “But isn’t that weird though?” Hinata said wiping his mouth free of water. “That we’ve seen nothing?” 

      “Well it might just mean that whatever was here, left and left no trace of being here,” Tanaka shrugged. “And we’ve gone through all that we can drive through and nothing.” 

      “We should probably turn back so we can report back to Daichi,” Kenma suggested. “If we’ve seen nothing in all this time, he’s going to want to send in a small group to get deeper into the area unreachable by car.” 

      “You’re right,” Tanaka nodded. “Ok everyone back in, we’re headed back.” 

      “What do you mean it’s weird that we’ve seen nothing?” Kageyama asked Hinata quietly, as they climbed back onto the truck. 

      “You don’t think it’s a little strange that we haven’t seen a single animal or any CRITS this whole time?” Hinata whispered back. “We’ve been out here for hours, usually within the first half hour we see something, anything. I’ve never traveled outside since this whole shit went down where I didn’t encounter something. And that worries me.” 

      “You’re right,” Kageyama said worriedly. 

      “I was afraid of that,” Hinata frowned. 

      They spent the rest of the trip back in relative silence. Hinata was fairly absorbed in his thoughts and concerned about what he’d seen– or more truthfully, what he hadn’t seen on the surveying mission. And each time he would glance up at Kageyama across from him, he seemed to be in the same pensive state.

      By the time they pulled up at the forest gate, the guards were changing shifts and Yamamoto wasn't there to joke with Tanaka. Somehow that small change seemed to solidify the solemn mood that settled over the unit. As Tanaka pulled the truck up in front of the barn, everyone got out without the usual level of chatting. 

      “We need to regroup with Daichi,” Tanaka said unloading the truck. “Kenma can you go get him? He should be— what time is it, like 1100 hours?— then he's in the greenhouses with Yaku and Yamaguchi. Tell him we found nothing, that we’re going to need to move into plan B.” 

      “You seem oddly calm about all this,” Tsukishima pointed out, looking at Tanaka skeptically. “When did you you become all rational?” 

      “When did you become not an asshole? Oh wait, you didn’t,” Tanaka quipped back, pulled off his tactical vest. “Just get ready to go, you’re going in the small group mission with Kageyama.” Hinata felt a small pang of annoyance that he wasn’t chosen to go. Out there while they were on the lookout he noticed that the lack of evidence was evidence in and of itself, and he felt he should be the one going. But knowing he was still the newbie, he kept his mouth shut. 

      “What? No way, I’m barely out of the hospital and you already want to send me on a dangerous mission? Are you trying to kill me?” Tsukishima asked horrified.  

      “Trust me, there are easier ways to kill you,” Kageyama said, patting Tsukishima hard on the shoulder causing him to wince. 

      “And you’re going to send me out there with him?” Tsukishima asked rubbing his shoulder. 

      “He’s not going to kill you,” Tanaka rolled his eyes. “But I might if you stand there slacking off, now get your shit together. You’re leaving within the hour, we can’t lose anymore daylight.” 

      “Fine,” Tsukishima bit out, unloading the truck.

      Hinata watched him grumble under his breath as he put away the extra equipment. Working together in relative silence, the four of them unloaded and put away the supplies for the whole unit and started packing a smaller pack for Tsukishima and Kageyama to take for their mission. Tanaka instructed them to makes sure they had supplies for an overnight. 

      “Overnight!?” Tsukishima said. “Are you serious?”

      “How else are you to see what it was?” Tanaka questioned. “What, you think that shit is just gonna run in front of you shouting what they are? No idiot, espionage.”

      “This isn't espionage,” Tsukishima stated. Hinata noticed that his voice got slightly thick and strained. “I don't think we should do an overnight.”

      “Take it up with the Lieutenant Colonel,” Tanaka said quietly after a moment. Tsukishima gave him a small thankful nod. Hinata couldn't help but feel like he'd missed something important. 

      “Take up what with me?” Daichi asked behind them. They all turned around and saw Daichi walking over with Kenma and Kuroo. 

      “Sir,” Tsukishima said walking over to Daichi. “This part B of this mission is meant to be an over night mission and I don't feel that I am...I don't think I should be the one to go.” Daichi gave him an appraising look before he nodded in agreement. 

      “Ok,” Daichi said. “I agree.”

      “Thank you sir,” Tsukishima nodded taking a step to the side next to Kuroo who was looking at him with a mix of concern and affection. 

      “Kageyama, you have field medical training, correct?” Daichi asked turning his head to him. 

      “Correct, sir,” Kageyama said. “Doctor Sugawara taught me the basics while Tsukishima was in the hospital.” Hinata looked at him with surprise. He had no idea that Kageyama had been learning that. 

      “Excellent, you can act as medic on this mission then,” Daichi instructed. “Hinata, you will be taking Tsukishima's place.”

      “I uh— yes sir,” Hinata agreed trying not to seemed so surprised. 

      “Good,” Daichi said. “Kenma give Hinata the copy of the map, and Kuroo brief Kageyama on that gun.”

      “Got it,” Kuroo said picking up of the small bag he had placed on the floor when Tsukishima came to stand next to him.

      “Here you go Shouyou,” Kenma said handing him a folded up map. “This is a map of the area you going to be in. It's not entirely complete because it's hard to get in there but there's enough there so you can navigate.”

      “Ok thank you,” Hinata said taking the map. “But...why aren't you going? You're obviously better at navigation than me.”

      “Kageyama is a pretty good navigator,” Kenma shrugged. Hinata frowned, annoyed that there seemed to be nothing Kageyama couldn't do. “Plus I'm not as good with a gun as you are.”

      “I guess,” Hinata said barely concealing the fact that he was nervous.

      “Hinata, come get your gear,” Tanaka shouted from the barn. 

      “Coming!” Hinata shouted back. With each he took closer to the barn he could feel the nervous dread building inside him. 

* * *

      “We are going to meet you back here in 36 hours,” Tanaka instructed as Kageyama and Hinata put on their travel packs and tactical vests. “If you're not back in 36 hours we will wait for you for 6 hours from then. After that…”

      “Understood,” Kageyama nodded, tightening the clasp on his pack. 

      “Good luck to you both,” Tanaka said. Hinata and Kageyama took a few steps back as Tanaka made a wide turn and went back the direction they came in. They gave him and Kenma a short wave as they watched the truck disappear in the forest. With a quick glance at each other, Hinata and Kageyama turned away from the way they came and started walking. 

      Despite it being mid afternoon, they had several hours of summer daylight. As they walked and observed and searched and climbed the rocky mountainside, it wasn't the daylight or the mission or even being with the last person he would want to be partnered with that concerned Hinata, but the growing oppressive heat. 

      Not that Hinata was neglecting his mission, far from, but he started to find it hard to concentrate on looking when he couldn't even see through the sweat in his eyes. It didn't help that Kageyama, though covered in a slick sheen of sweat, seemed unperturbed by the heat. 

      But not wanting to appear that he couldn't handle he first special mission, Hinata continued on. He didn't want to give Kageyama the satisfaction of asking to stop for water and shade. However he was absolutely elated when Kageyama suggested they break for a bit. 

      “Sure if you want,” Hinata shrugged, internally thanking the universe for the pause in their travel. He pulled out his canteen and proceeded to drain it. 

      “Hey dumbass, don't drink all of it in one go,” Kageyama reprimanded. “We don't absolutely know if we're going to be able to find drinking water for the next day. Treat the water like its finite.”

      “I wasn't going to drink all of it,” Hinata grumbled, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

      “Well it looked like you were so I had to say something before I was going to end up sharing my canteen with you for the next 24 hours,” Kageyama said taking off his pack and dropping it on the ground next to him. 

      “Ugh ew, like I'd want to share with you,” Hinata grimaced, unclasping his pack as well. 

      “Really?” Kageyama asked annoyedly. “Ew?”

      “Yeah, ew,” Hinata said running a hand through his sweaty hair. 

      “So what, I'm gross now?” Kageyama asked, angrily placing his hands on his hips. Hinata just rolled his eyes and sat down on the nearest boulder under a large tree. “You're being actually serious?” 

      “Well I hate you so…” Hinata shrugged, laying down and closing his eyes. 

      “You know, I know we don't have to  _ pretend  _ for the moment but we're supposed to be partners out here. I need to be able to trust that you'll have my back if shit goes south,” Kageyama said forcefully. 

      “I'm not going to let you die if that's what you're asking,” Hinata said dryly not even bothering to open his eyes. 

      “That's exactly what I'm fucking asking,” Kageyama gritted. 

      “Jeez Kageyama calm down,” Hinata laughed. “Now hush I'm trying to relax for like ten minutes.”

      “This is not supposed to be a relaxing trip,” Kageyama practically yelled. 

      “Don't you think I know that!?” Hinata shouted back leaning up on his arms. “But we just hiked for four hours straight and I'm taking a mother fucking break.”

      “You know you're such a dick, I can't even believe—”

      “Shush,” Hinata said, interrupting Kageyama's yell. Looking off past Kageyama, Hinata saw some movement out of the corner of his eye. 

      “Don't tell me to sh—”

      “Shut up,” Hinata whispered harshly, getting off the boulder and taking a step towards the heavily forested area he thought he saw movement in. 

      “You fuc—”

      “Kageyama, shut the fuck up,” Hinata said seriously. “I just saw something weird in that area just past you over there.”

      “Where?” Kageyama asked falling back into solider mode. 

      He turned and faced the general area that Hinata pointed at and carefully grabbed his M4 from his pack. Pointing it at the area, Kageyama slowly walked towards it looking for any movement. Hinata pulled out his Beretta from his sidearm holster and followed behind Kageyama. 

      Twenty minutes of silently and careful walking the area before they decided that whatever movement Hinata saw was obviously gone. Feeling slightly frustrated, Hinata holstered his gun and they both walked back over to their packs. 

      “I swear I saw movement,” Hinata grumbled, angrily putting his travel pack on. 

      “I believe you,” Kageyama said repacking the large weapon. “But whatever it was, it must have left. It could have been an animal or something.”

      “Yeah,” Hinata frowned. Somehow that theory didn't sit right with him. 

      “We better get a move on,” Kageyama instructed, getting on his pack. “We only have a few hours of sunlight left and we still need to find a place to camp for the night.”

      “Any place you have in mind?” Hinata drawled sarcastically. 

      “High ground.”

* * *

      “Wow when he said high ground he really meant it,” Hinata commented looking of the sheer drop off the precipice of the mountain side they stood at. High above the water and forest below them, in a semi clear area, Kageyama set up the beginnings of a fire in an alcove in the rock formations on the perimeter of a small clearing. Hinata turned around to the clearing where 30 meters in front of him, Kageyama was knelt building a fire. 

      “We are really high up,” Hinata said looking around and the world below the cliff with a small smile on his face. The sun had begun to kiss the horizon, basking everything in a warm hazy amber low. 

      Closing his eyes, Hinata tried his best to clear his mind of all worry to have one pure moment of calm. Tilting his head up towards the setting sun, Hinata took in a deep breath and let it out slow. He wasn't sure how long he stood there for, it could have been a few minutes, it could have been a few hours. 

      “I always preferred a rising sun to a setting one.” Hinata's eyes fluttered open and he turned to see Kageyama standing next to him looking at the sun on the horizon as well. He wasn't sure when Kageyama walked over but he get too calm to ask. “But this is nice.”

      The golden light flooded Kageyama's face, illuminating his deep blue eyes. Hinata stared up at his profile, taking in his defined jawline, his surprisingly delicate nose, his slightly tousled hair, and he began to remember. He remembered seeing this same profile but a bit younger, bathed in the same golden light on their walks home from school. He remembered staring into those same blue eyes and seeing the world in them. He remembered running his fingers through that same hair, pulling and needing to be closer. 

      “I just like the sun,” Hinata said, turning back to the sunset, hoping to push his thoughts away. 

      “I know,” Kageyama said quietly. There was something about his voice that Hinata couldn't place. “We should eat so we can get some rest for tomorrow.”

      “Yeah you're right,” Hinata sighed turning away from the setting sun and walking toward the small alcove where Kageyama's fire was all set up and blazing. 

      Their dinner consisted of Asahi’s homemade version of Cup Noodles, that tasted just as good and hit Hinata with a wave of nostalgia. As he watched the dried noodles rehydrate and cook after pouring in some of the water Kageyama boiled, Hinata could help but remember a time when all he could eat for dinner was Cup Noodle. 

      “I haven't eaten this in a long time,” Hinata said with awe. “This is bringing me back.”

      “I never actually really liked these when I was a kid,” Kageyama said stirring his cup. “But this version isn't half bad.”

      “I basically lived off this stuff in college, and after college,” Hinata smiled softly at the cup with fondness. “It was the only thing I could really afford to eat.”

      Shaking his head slightly, he looked up at Kageyama who was determinedly looking down at his cup. Hinata could see that he was lost in thought and whatever he was thinking was upsetting him. He decided not to press further and just eat instead. 

      They ate in realities silence. For once the silence between them didn't have a feeling of contempt, but only because they were too tired to argue. And despite being frustrated that they still hadn't found what they were looking for, and that they still didn't even know exactly what they were looking for, Hinata felt marginally relaxed. 

      “You should get some rest,” Kageyama said long after they had finished eating. They were sat facing the fire, watching the sky grow dark. Hinata barely heard Kageyama talk to him as he stare blankly at the red embers. “Hinata?”

      “What?— right yeah, sleep. I know I was just...thinking…” Hinata trailed off. 

      “What about?” Kageyama asked like he wasn't sure he could. 

      “Remember,” Hinata started with nostalgic smile. “Remember that time— I think we were like 16, and we went on that horrible school wide camping trip? This reminded me of that.” He looked up at Kageyama who seemed to be fighting the urge to look happy. 

      “Yeah I remember,” Kageyama nodded. He looked off towards the horizon where the sun had almost disappeared leaving only a thin lighter blue line in its wake. “Actually,” he cleared his throat. “This reminded me of that time we got lost in that huge park at night.”

      “Oh yeah,” Hinata laughed softly looking at the fire. “We walked around for hours before we saw anyone. And when we did it was those three homeless guys with the trash can of fire that they let us warm ourselves at.”

      “Yeah,” Kageyama said with a half smile. 

      “Wow I can't remember the last time I thought about that,” Hinata said shaking his head. He glanced up at Kageyama whose smile had faded. “My more recent memories of sitting around fires are less happy. I don't even think I had reason to sit around a fire until everything went to hell.”

      “I had a bonfire on the beach once,” Kageyama said almost automatically. Hinata looked at him and saw that he clearly didn't know why he had blurted that out. 

      “Oh...what for?” Hinata asked actually interested. 

      “Um no–nothing,” Kageyama said shaking his head. “It's...don't worry about it.”

      “No I mean…” Hinata furrowed his brow wondering why he was even still talking to him but he did want to know. “You can like...tell me.”

      “Um…” Kageyama swallowed glancing up at Hinata before looking back down at the fire again. He grabbed the long stick he had next to him and poked at the fire. “It was for um...for my wedding.” 

      Out of all the things Hinata had expected Kageyama to say, that was not one of them. He just stared blankly at him, blinking in surprise, trying to wrap his brain around what he just heard. The implications of the statement started to sink in. 

_       For my wedding...wedding… He got married. He moved on and got married. He's married.  _

      “For...your wedding,” Hinata said, sounding more like a question. 

      “Yeah,” Kageyama nodded not looking up. 

      “You got married,” Hinata said like that wasn't obvious. 

      “Yeah,” Kageyama said poking at the fire. 

      Hinata watched as the embers danced in front of Kageyama's face. The only sounds in his ears were the crackling of the fire and his own heart beating. He had no idea why, but he suddenly felt uneasy, like he whole life had tilted. 

      “You're married,” Hinata said still absorbing the information. His eyes glanced down at Kageyama's left hand. He wore no ring and only had his wrist and the palm of his hand taped up. 

      “I was—I was married,” Kageyama said quietly, absentmindedly running his thumb over his empty ring finger on his left hand. 

      “You...you were married?” Hinata asked with a uncertainty in his voice. 

      “She—”

      “She?” Hinata repeated thickly. 

      “My wife— she died a few years ago,” Kageyama said not looking up from the fire. “Before everything went to hell.”

      “H–how’d she die?” Hinata breathed. 

      “Cancer,” Kageyama answered softly. 

      “Oh,” Hinata exhaled, not sure how to react. “I'm sorry. That...that must have been hard.”

      “We were… it was hard. But I had prepared for it,” Kageyama said thickly. “I mean, as much as you can prepare for your spouse dying.”

      “I—” Hinata had no idea what to say. What do you say when your ex boyfriend tells you his wife died of cancer? He didn't think there was anything he could say. This was never a position he thought he would ever find himself in. “I'm sorry for your loss.”

      “Thanks,” Kageyama swallowed thickly. “It's kind of strange, but I'm glad she passed away before any of this happened.”

      “No I understand,” Hinata croaked. 

      But he didn't want to understand. He didn't want to have to imagine Kageyama with someone else. Hinata's only thoughts on Kageyama were that he hoped he was miserable and alone. Never did he picture Kageyama meeting someone, dating them, falling in love, proposing to them, planning a wedding with them, marrying them, living happily with them in married bliss. 

      Yet that wasn't exactly true. Because he has thought about Kageyama dating someone, falling in love with them, proposing to them, getting married, and living in married bliss. It was with him. 

      In the quiet of the night, when the world around him was silent and he couldn't help his thoughts from drifting, Hinata would imagine how different his life could have been. Had he and Kageyama not had their horrible break up, had they stayed together. He knew they would have moved in together, lived together through college, maybe bought their own place later on, gotten married. 

      And sometimes, when Hinata would be feeling extremely masochistic, he'd imagine what it would have been like to raise a family together. Having a small family of their own to grow and nurture. The both of them being dads together, figuring out parenthood the same way they figured out love; with relentless stubbornness and ridiculous perseverance. Growing old together and learning what it meant to be in love forever. 

      But Hinata knew now that odds were he'd never grow old, not in the world they live in. And he hadn't let himself think about Kageyama in that way in years and he certainly hadn't expected Kageyama to think of him, in anyway. Yet hearing the definitive proof that Kageyama moved on, that he found a love he deemed worth keeping and marrying, that he never even gave Hinata another thought, somehow it hurt Hinata in a way that he didn't expect. 

      He had spent years hardening himself off from emotional damage after what happened between him and Kageyama. Nothing got in and nothing got out. And definitely Kageyama was not something he thought could still penetrate his emotional block. But apparently he was wrong. 

      Staring at Kageyama's downturned face, Hinata felt a turbulent pressure build inside him. He came to the unfortunate realization that though he had spent the better part of the past ten years trying to push out any thought of him, Kageyama was actually able to forget Hinata quite easily. A conclusion that regrettably caused Hinata considerable pain. 

_       When he said I meant nothing to him he was telling the truth. I can't believe I actually thought he might have regretted it. He never did love me it was all in my head.  _

      Feeling he first tear slip down his face, Hinata quickly wiped it away before Kageyama could see it. Reaching over to his pack, he grabbed his roll out and started arranging it on the ground. He worked as quickly as possible, trying to get himself ready to sleep before he properly started to cry but it was hard to continue fighting back the tears. 

      “I'm gonna go...pee,” Hinata announced, standing up making sure Kageyama couldn't see his face. “I'll be back.” 

      “O–ok,” Kageyama stuttered, looking up at him confused. 

      Getting out of the alcove, Hinata ran to the right towards the forest line along the clearing. Holding his breath until he got far enough away, once he was well past the forest line, Hinata let out a heaving sob. Unable to hold back his emotions, everything came out. His pain for being dumped in the first place, the amount that his life was screwed up in the aftermath, and for making him bottle up all his emotions. But most importantly, for making him feel like he still needed Kageyama to want him when he so obviously never did. 

      His knees buckled and he fell kneeling on the ground. Keeping his hands over his mouth, Hinata let out a few muffled sobs. He couldn't understand why he was reacting this way and yet he couldn't stop. 

      Closing his eyes tightly, Hinata repeatedly told him to stop crying. However he body was not listening to his mind and he trembled with another sob. 

_       You do not still care. You do not still care. You do not still care.  _

_       You don't love him anymore. You haven't for a long time. He doesn't care about you. He never cared about you. You need to move on. You have to move on. You've moved on.  _

      Taking rapid shallow breaths, Hinata managed to get himself to stop crying. Angry with himself for having such a reaction, Hinata felt a urge to do something he hadn't done in a long time. Subconsciously, his hand found his pocket knife in back pocket. All he could see in his mind was last time he'd cried over Kageyama, how it took so long for his thighs to heal. 

_       No. You're not doing that again. You're stronger than that now. He doesn't matter anymore. You matter. You're better than this.  _

      Pulling his hand away from his back pocket, Hinata run his fingers through his hair. Taking deep, calming breaths, Hinata regained his composure before walking back towards the alcove. 

      When he got there he saw that Kageyama was already sleeping on his roll out, making him wonder how long he'd been gone. He had pulled out some of the wood from the fire, and it was just a few low smoldering embers. 

      Laying down on his own roll out on the other side of the fire, Hinata closed his eyes and turned his back towards Kageyama. He was silently thankful for the fact that Kageyama was asleep so he couldn't hear if Hinata was still crying. 

* * *

      It took them an hour to get ready and completely packed when they woke up the next morning. Normally Hinata could get up and ready in less than 20 minutes. But he woke up physically and mentally drained from the day before. It didn't help that he woke up before Kageyama did and he saw his sleeping face softly illuminated by the rising sun. The mere sight of his features in the delicate morning light made Hinata angry. 

      By the time they had eaten and cleaned up the alcove it was an hour after sunrise. Kageyama said they should get a move on— which was the first time either of them spoke that morning. Hinata nodded at him, not trusting himself to speak.

      They walked for hours. Orienting them on the map that Kenma gave him, Hinata lead them through all the area they hadn't walk through the day before. They hadn't seen anything out of the ordinary, but that made Hinata feel even more uneasy. 

      Nothing seemed to have come into contact with whatever Aone saw making the commotion. Hinata grew more and more frustrated as they walked more and more still found nothing. 

      “We need to turn around soon,” Kageyama said as they ate a small lunch of whatever foods they had left. “We have to make it back to the meeting point in time so Tanaka doesn't think we died.”

      “Fine,” Hinata said not looking up from the map he had spread out on the floor in front of him. 

      “We haven't found anything this is has been a waste,” Kageyama frowned. 

      “It hasn't been a waste and shush, I'm trying to concentrate,” Hinata waved dismissively at him, focusing on the map. 

      “Don't tell me to shush, I'm talking about our mission,” Kageyama said annoyed. 

      “Literally be quiet, I can't concentrate with your yapping,” Hinata instructed. 

      “Why are you being such a dick?” Kageyama asked angrily. 

      “Oh my god, shut up,” Hinata groaned irritated. “Is this why Tsukishima didn't want to go on the overnight mission with you? Because you're so fucking annoying?”

      “What!?” Kageyama practically yelled. “He didn't want to go because the last time we went on one he almost died!”

      “Probably because of you,” Hinata remarked offhandedly.

      “Fuck you, I would never endanger the life of someone on mission with me,” Kageyama growled. “I did my best to save his life if you must know.” Hinata frowned at him not willing to admit he had gone too far. “We were being chased by a horde of CRITS and the ground gave way under his feet and he fell, tumbling 20 feet into a ravine filled with water. By the time I jumped down and pulled him out he was soaked through with freezing water and passed out. I did everything to save him and that's why he ended up in the medic center for two months and not dead. So no, fuck you, I didn't get him hurt and I'm not the reason he didn't want to come.” 

      “I’m...I'm sorry I didn't know—”

      “No, you didn't,” Kageyama bit out. “Just because I knew you ten fucking years ago doesn't mean I'm anything like the person I used to be. Stop pretending you know me. Stop pretending I didn't have a life outside you. Stop pretending there's anything between us.”

      Hinata stared up at Kageyama who was glaring down at him. Part of him wanted to shout back. He wanted to tell Kageyama to go fuck himself. He wanted to cave in and tell him he's right. He wanted to run away. 

      A long drawn out silence fell around them. Hinata couldn't decide how to answer because though he was angry and wanted to yell at Kageyama, he knew he was right. There was nothing between them. He did have a life outside of him. Hinata didn't know him anymore. And it hurt. 

      “I… um…” Kageyama faltered, seeing that his words had affected Hinata so strongly. Hinata could feel the sting of tears behind his eyes. “I went too… I'm sorry…”

      “It's fine,” Hinata said thickly. “Just forget it.” He turned away from Kageyama, looking down at the map that started to become blurry. Bitterly wiping a tear before it fell onto the map, Hinata hoped Kageyama wasn't looking but he knew that he probably was. 

      “I didn't mean that there—”

      “Seriously Kageyama is fine,” Hinata gritted. “You're… you're right anyway so…”

      “No I–I–I was just—”

      “Kageyama just stop ok?” Hinata said angrily. “You're right ok!?” he yelled, standing up and facing him. Kageyama blinked at him, obviously not expecting that response. “I was going on the assumption that because I knew you, that I still know you, but I don't. I don't know you at all. And I don't know why I thought I would or I do but I just… There's nothing to pretend; we're strangers.”

      “Hinata…” Kageyama exhaled sadly. “Don't… I just lashed out. We...we're not…”

      “Let's just move on, we have a lot of ground to cover,” Hinata said flatly. He picked up the map and folded it back up before sliding it into his pocket again. 

      Grabbing his pack, he put his arms through the straps before walking off ahead not bothering to wait for Kageyama. He could hear Kageyama calling out to him for him to wait, but he ignored him and trudged on. By the time Kageyama caught up with him he was out of breath and more than annoyed. 

      “You didn't have to run off,” Kageyama huffed as he matched his pace as they hiked through the rocky terrain. Hinata didn't say anything but just kept walking, looking in front of him. “Oh I see you're not talking to me,” Kageyama said annoyed climbing over a few large rocks. Hinata said nothing but continued navigating a particularly difficult section of boulders. “I didn't mean to yell at you ok? I just...you make me so frustrated sometimes and I just react.”

      Clenching his jaw, Hinata ignored him in favor of concentrating on getting up the boulders. He wasn't going to answer Kageyama because he didn't trust himself to speak. Afraid he would either break down completely and cry, or he'd say something he might regret later, Hinata just kept his eyes on the rocky path in front of him. 

      “Look I know I probably hurt your feelings,” Kageyama sighed climbing the path behind Hinata. “And we've...well in these past two months I've seen...well you're different.” Biting his lip, it was all Hinata could do to keep himself from scoffing out loud. “And yeah obviously you're different, but I don't know...part of me kind of always imagined you the same.” 

_       Imagined me? He imagined me? _

      “And I know I'm rambling here just…” Kageyama took a deep breath. “I'm sorry alright? I'm just tired and stressed and I shouldn't have yelled. Hinata just stop for a second. Hinata, hold on for one second please. Hinata wait—” but it was too late. 

      Hinata, in his goal to ignore Kageyama, quickened his pace without paying explicit attention to where he was walking. Stepping on a boulder he thought was sturdy and secure, Hinata's foot immediately gave way as the rock loosened and moved under his foot. With a shout, Hinata started to fall as he lost his balance. All he could see was the unforgiving hill of rocks and boulders that were going to break his fall and his only thought was that he was going to get very hurt, when he felt a strong hand grab his wrist. 

      With shocking force, Hinata was pulled back against the rocks, falling hard on his back, his pack breaking his fall. Barely breathing, Hinata leaned back against the rocks trying to make himself realize he was no longer falling. It took him a few moments before he even heard Kageyama's voice talking to him. 

      “...ok. Hinata are you ok? Hinata can you hear me? Are you ok?” Kageyama asked moving to sit next to Hinata on the rocks. He unclasped his own pack and then unclasped Hinata's, forcibly moving it off his arms and back. Staring out to the rocky drop he almost fell down, Hinata couldn't speak. “Hinata, can you hear me? Are you ok? Are you hurt?” Kageyama placed his hand gently on his face, cupping his cheek and neck. The small touch was enough to break Hinata out of his thoughts. 

      “Ye–yeah I'm fine,” Hinata croaked, blinking himself back into reality. He turned his head to face Kageyama and was surprised by the worry on his face. His hand held him in place as Kageyama's eyes searched his face. Hinata could feel the roughness of his calloused hand and the roughness of the tape around his wrist and palm against his skin. Sitting on the boulder next to Kageyama moments after he almost fell and he never felt safer. 

      “Are you sure you're not hurt? I pulled you back really hard, I'm sorry,” Kageyama said softly, his hand still resting against Hinata's face. 

      “No I—” Hinata breathed. Suddenly he had a horrible sense of deja vu. “You saved me.” 

      “I did my best to save you,” Kageyama swallowed. Carefully he removed his hand from Hinata's cheek and neck, and Hinata instantly missed it. He slid his hand down Hinata's arm, resting it just slightly on top of his hand that was flat against the rock beneath them. 

      “We should go—”

      “No, you should take a breather,” Kageyama said sternly but with a concerned softness. “You almost… please just sit here for a minute.”

      “Ok,” Hinata nodded, silently thanking Kageyama for being concerned for him. They sat there, looking at the slope where Hinata would have tumbled to his death. “This is twice now,” he said after a few silent moments. 

      “What?” Kageyama asked quietly. 

      “You've pulled me to safety twice now,” Hinata said looking at Kageyama. 

      “I…” he swallowed thickly, blinking blankly at him. 

      “How many times am I supposed to owe you my life?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok guys, this is the dreaded Chapter 8. basically if there was an angstier, sadder, more tear jerking chapter written, this one kind of beats it. not to be all hype but like, i cried writing this, and i cried editing it and i just cried rn when i skimmed it to post it. just tears man.   
> This chapter will answer a lot of questions you guys have been asking— it'll also create like 1879 more lmao. but i promise, at some point or another, all of your questions will be answered it's just matter of waiting lol.  
>  Thank you to everyone who has been reading this so far! I was a little afraid no one would read it because it was so different than my other fics but i'm so so so happy to see comments and people reading it! Honestly, thank you all so much.   
> *warning* descriptions of sexual situations (no underage), mentions of self harm, near death experiences, and minor abusive parenting

* * *

      Despite the wind blowing through Hinata's hair being sharp and cold, his face was still hot to the touch. Red faced from exertion, Hinata pushed his bike up the last stretch of the sixth hill in as many miles. Just reaching the top, Hinata could see into the distance all the way to where he was going. Sitting neatly in a valley between several particularly steep hills was his high school. 

      He had left incredibly early this morning to ensure that he would get there with plenty of time to explore. There was nothing be hated more than being the kid who was completely lost of his first day. Hinata wanted to make sure that he did everything in his power to make high school go smoothly. No mistakes, no hiccups, no distractions. 

      Pedaling over the crest, Hinata sped down the hill letting gravity do the work of acceleration for him. It was his favorite part of his commute. But as he gripped the hand brakes to slow down he noticed something horribly terrifying; they weren't working. 

      Panicking, Hinata desperately tried to slow his bike down by placing his feet on the ground. It worked, but only slightly as he continued to plummet down the hill. He looked around to see that he was completely alone on the road, his decision to leave as early as possible backfiring miserably. 

      Looking ahead of him, Hinata could see one lone, but fast moving car barrelling down the street coming to the intersection at the bottom. Trying to stop the momentum of his bike he pressed his feet to the road as he quickly approached the intersection. Closing his eyes with fear as he truck was a couple feet from him, Hinata instantly felt two hands grab at his clothes and pulled him back hard. Toppling over his bike, he fell, skidding across the road behind him with his bike still trapped between his legs. 

      In pain but still alive, Hinata came to a full stop several feet to the side of the road. His clothes were covered in dirt and he was bleeding from what felt like his entire left side but he didn't care; he was alive. He opened his eyes to see that his bookbag had been tossed aside and let all his books fall out on the ground and his bike was a little twisted next to him. 

      “Hey you— are you hurt?” Hinata heard a voice shout at him. Lifting his head as best he could he saw a tall dark haired boy come over and start to move the bike away from his legs. “I pulled you back really hard, I'm sorry you just...you weren't stopping.” 

      “I—” Hinata coughed moving to kneel on all fours once the bike was gone from between his legs. Struggling to get up, he felt hands grab at his upper arms and help him to stand. “Thanks,” he said turning to look at the boy. 

      “Uh...it–it's no problem,” he nodded, flushed and embarrassed. Hinata couldn't tell if it was still the adrenaline from almost crashing and dying but he fought the impulse to throw his arms around the boy and hug him to thank him for saving his life. 

      “No really, thank you so much,” Hinata said placing his hands on the arms of the boy. “I— I could have died.”

      “Yeah,” boy swallowed looking a bit uncomfortable. “You weren't stopping.”

      “I couldn't, my brakes broke,” Hinata said. “You saved me.”

      “Well,” the boy flushed looking more and more uncomfortable, he blue eyes looked anywhere but Hinata's face. “I did my best to save you. You're still the dumbass who rode a bike with faulty brakes.”

      “Hey, I didn't know they were faulty,” Hinata frowned. “But it doesn't matter now, thank you so much. I owe you my life.”

      “It's—er, it's fine,” he mumbled shifting awkwardly. He carefully extracted his arms from Hinata's grasp and reached down to pick up his backpack that he had apparently tossed to the ground. “I have to go to school now so…”

      “Wait!” Hinata shouted scrambling to pick up his books and stuff them back into his bag. “Wait for me, I'm going there too.” He hastily picked up his bike, opting to walk it rather than ride it. Quickening his pace to catch up with the boy, Hinata fell into step with him as they walked. “Hey so what's your name?” The boy shot him a confused glare. “Well I should know your name, you saved my life.”

      “Ka–Kageyama,” he said like he still wasn't sure how to answer. 

      “I'm Hinata,” he smiled as they crossed the now empty road. 

* * *

      It was well past sunset by the time that Kageyama and Hinata reached the area that the rest of their unit was meeting them at. The light had almost gone from the forest when they saw Tanaka, Kenma and Tsukishima waiting for them by the truck. Physically and emotionally exhausted, Kageyama and Hinata trudged forward more than happy to see the waiting faces of their team. 

      “Oh thank fuck you're here,” Tanaka exhaled happily as they approached. “We were worried you didn't make it.”

      “No we're ok,” Kageyama said coming to a stop in front of the truck unclasping his pack and letting it drop to the floor. Hinata unclasped his pack and let it drop to the floor, bending over and resting his hands on his knees as he caught his breath. 

      “Are you alright?” Kenma asked putting his hand on Hinata's shoulder. 

      “Yeah,” Hinata breathed, standing up. “I'm just tired.”

      “Do either of you need medical attention?” Tsukishima asked looking between them. 

      “No I don't, Hinata do you?” Kageyama asked. 

      “No, I'm fine,” he said. 

      “Let's get back then,” Tanaka said hoisting their packs into the flatbed of the truck. “We'll talk tomorrow. We saved you some dinner.”

      “Thanks,” Kageyama said tiredly, pulling himself up onto the flatbed. 

      As Hinata followed him up, he didn't even think about it as he took Kageyama's outstretched hand offered to help him onto the truck. Sitting down in his usual spot, Hinata barely noticed as Kageyama sat down next to him. He just closed his eyes trying to rest for a few moments. 

      Not even realizing he had fallen asleep until he woke up, Hinata was jolted awake by a shake of his shoulder. Blinking himself awake he lifted his head that had found its way to Kageyama's shoulder. 

      “Hey, come on. We're back,” Kenma said softly kneeling in front of him. 

      His mouth too dry to answer, he settled for a brief nod as he followed Kenma off the truck, pausing only to jostle Kageyama awake as well. 

      “What?” Kageyama breathed when Hinata woke him. 

      “He said we're back,” Hinata said softly. “Let's go get some food ok? Then you can go back to sleep.”

      “Ok,” Kageyama nodded, rubbing his eyes awake. 

      Kageyama and Hinata were silent as they walked the trek up to the main camp from the barn. Leaving their unit behind to put away their equipment, they headed for the main building in hope of some food. As they approached the large building, they went around to the back towards the kitchen instead of the main dining hall as it was way past the end of dinner. Knocking on the kitchen door behind the building, they waited until the door swung open. 

      “Oh hey you're back,” Asahi said wiping his hands with a small dish towel. He stepped aside so they could walk in. “Here I have some food for you. We set aside a plate for you guys hoping you'd—I mean, for when you'd come back.”

      “Thank you,” Kageyama said quietly, taking both plates in his hands.

      He motioned for Hinata to follow him up to the now closed from the outside dining hall. Hinata turned on one of the lights and went over to the first table and flipped over the chairs so they could sit. Kageyama placed the plates on the table before walking over to the food counter, hopping over and grabbing utensils, then hopping back. 

      “Here,” Kageyama said quietly handing Hinata his utensils as he sat down. 

      “Thanks,” Hinata said taking them. 

      They ate in relative silence, the only noises being their chewing and swallowing. Hinata was so tired he could barely even taste his food but continued eating everything until there was nothing on his plate left. Resting his cheek in his hand, he watched as Kageyama finished the last of his food with zeal. Looking up at Hinata, Kageyama paused mid bite. 

      “What?” he asked, his food hovering by his mouth. 

      “Nothing,” Hinata said shaking his head. 

      “You're staring at me,” Kageyama frowned, setting his food down. 

      “I'm just waiting for you to finish eating,” Hinata said. 

      “You don't have to wait for me,” Kageyama said taking a bite of his food. 

      “I'm being nice,” Hinata shrugged. 

      “Ok,” Kageyama nodded taking another bite. “Are you still ok?”

      “What? You mean like, from before? My almost death fall? Yeah I'm fine,” Hinata said picking up his head and setting his hands on the table in front of him.  

      “You know you're allowed to get scared right?” Kageyama said carefully. “Just because everything has gone to shit, doesn't mean you have to forfeit emotions.”

      “I know that,” Hinata sighed. “And trust me, I have a healthy fear for what could have happened to me it's just that…”

      “What?”

      “I'm...mad?” Hinata said like it was a question. 

      “Mad?” Kageyama repeated. 

      “Yeah I'm mad,” Hinata shook his head annoyed. 

      “...At me?” Kageyama asked. 

      “No,” Hinata frowned. “At...myself, at the universe, and that stupid rock.”

      “I don't understand—”

      “I could have died,” Hinata said flatly. He could see the color drain from Kageyama's face. “I could have died because I stepped on a rock and I would have plummeted to my death and that would have been it.”

      “Right,” Kageyama breathed. “And you're mad because…?”

      “Because Kageyama, in a world where people's brains get infected and they run rampant until they are no longer even human, the way I could have died was because I almost fell.” Hinata breathed heavily. “How stupid is that? Not mauled or attacked or eaten or anything. Just, I could have fallen.”

      “That's why you're mad?” Kageyama said flatly. “Because your death wouldn't have been as interesting as you wanted it to be?” 

      “Well kind of yeah,” Hinata huffed. “I mean why even survive this long if I was just going to hit my head on a fucking rock. If that's the case, then what's the difference between falling down that hill and getting hit with a rock, and falling down that other hill and getting hit by a car?” 

      “Don't,” Kageyama swallowed thickly. 

      “Don't what?”

      “Don't...don't say that,” Kageyama said quietly. “Please just… Don't say that.”

      “I didn't mean that I wasn't grateful that you saved me, I meant—”

      “Don't you think I think about what could have been if I wasn't there?” Kageyama said forcefully. Hinata stared up at him in surprise. “If I hadn't been able to catch you. If I had looked away for a second. If I was just too slow to reach you.”

      “Are you talking about today or…?” Hinata swallowed. 

      “Do you really think that I didn't think about all the times I wasn't going to be there?” Kageyama continued, breathing heavily. “About all the things that could happen that I wouldn't be there to try to save you.”

      “I didn't ask you to save me,” Hinata said shaking his head. 

      “You don't need to,” Kageyama cried. “I'm… Just always going to try.”

      “Kageyama, I already owe you my life, what more do you want from me?” Hinata asked feeling frustrated. Kageyama swallowed thickly as an emotion Hinata couldn't quite place ran across his face. 

      “Nothing,” Kageyama exhaled, rubbing his left taped up wrist. “I don't want anything from you.” For some reason Hinata felt slightly hurt from that statement. 

      “I didn't mean to say that I don't appreciate you looking out for me,” Hinata said carefully. “I just meant that…” He took a deep breath, looking down at his hands to focus his thoughts. “I've survived this long. It has to be for some reason. I have to have some other...purpose. And today, for a second I thought that was it, and it was going to be all over for me. And honestly Kageyama, I was disappointed.”

      “Because you were going to die in a less than victorious manner?” Kageyama said coldly. 

      “If that's how I go, by just some clumsy mistake then what's the point you know?” Hinata frowned. 

      “What's the point!? The point is you're alive right now,” Kageyama said forcefully. 

      “I know but—”

      “No stop,” Kageyama interrupted angrily. “I'm not going to try to convince you that surviving for the sake of living is good, because honestly I shouldn't have to. And treating the worth of your life with such flippancy is unfair to the people around you who care about you, and to those who didn't get to treat life with such low regard for it. Death is death, Hinata. If you died saving someone or died in some horrible accident do you really think it would matter to those who would miss you? No it wouldn't, because you'd be gone and all they would see was the hole you left in their life. So the point is, don't wish for a grandiose death because you shouldn't be wishing for any death; especially in a world where most are wishing for life.”

      “Kageyama, just a little over two months ago you had no idea if I was alive or not, why would you care now if I died? What hole would I leave in your life?” Hinata asked bitterly, feeling vulnerable. 

      “You really think I wouldn't care if you died?” Kageyama breathed horrified. 

      “Why would you?” Hinata said flatly. Inside him every part of his mind was telling him that Kageyama was exaggerating, that there was no way Kageyama would even blink if Hinata were to die. 

_       He doesn't actually care about you. He never cared about you.  _

      “So that's really what you think of me,” Kageyama whispered thickly. “Even now, after all this time. After all we've been through here together. I'm glad me telling you that I would always try to save you didn't affect your opinion of me at all. I see how you think of me is already well defined. I'll stop trying to change your mind then.” 

      With that, Kageyama got up, leaving his plate and Hinata behind and walked out the way they came. Jumping slightly as he slammed the door behind him, Hinata just stared at the empty spot Kageyama left. He tried to imagine the Kageyama shaped hole he left in the room, and what it would be like if he hadn't just exited but actually died. Staring hard at the empty chair, Hinata felt a tear slip down his face. 

_       Living with a Kageyama shaped hole? I did that for a decade... But I don't think I could do it again. I don't think I can live without him; not again. Though he can never know. He'll be just fine without me, he's able to move on. I'm just...stuck. I can't get attached to him again, because the only one who will get hurt is me— again. He doesn't really care and I have to remember that. I need to keep pushing him away. He can never know. _

* * *

      A rapid knocking on the door awoke Hinata the next morning. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Hinata sat up on his bed. He stumbled out of bed, barely standing upright when he opened his door.

      “Why didn't you come tell you were back?” Yamaguchi asked pushing his way into Hinata's room. 

      “Sorry,” Hinata sighed closing the door behind him. “I was very tired.”

      “I was worried about you, you asshole,” Yamaguchi said shoving Hinata's bare shoulder. “You should have came and told me you were  back and ok. My room is next fucking door.”

      “You're right,” Hinata nodded guiltily. “I'm sorry.”

      “It's fine,” Yamaguchi frowned. “Next time just...tell me your back safe ok? Don't make me think you died.”

      “Ha,” Hinata laughed weakly, wrapping his arms around his bare chest. “That's… yeah that could have happened.”

      “What? What do you mean?” Yamaguchi asked concerned. 

      “I… well basically I could have died but Kageyama saved my life,” Hinata swallowed. 

      “Oh my god, are you ok? You're so lucky you had him there with you,” Yamaguchi said. 

      “Yeah,” Hinata nodded. “I didn't...I wasn't very grateful towards him.”

      “Why not?” Yamaguchi asked confused. 

      “Because I just…” Hinata let out a heavy sigh. “I just get that why about him. I can't even help myself.”

      “Are you finally going to tell me what is going on between you?” Yamaguchi asked exasperated.

      “What do you mean?” Hinata said avoiding the question. 

      “Hinata I know that there has to be something going on between you guys,” Yamaguchi said. “I'm not an idiot.”

      “There's nothing—”

      “You would have to be blind to not see the palpable amount of tension you guys have,” Yamaguchi frowned. “I know you guys must have something going on. So are you sleeping with him or what?”

      “Um no, definitely not,” Hinata laughed humorlessly. 

      “Then maybe you should,” Yamaguchi said crossing his arms. 

      “Yeah, that's not going to happen,” Hinata shook his head. 

      “Maybe it'll get rid of some of the tension,” Yamaguchi pressed lightly. 

      “It definitely won't,” Hinata frowned. 

      “Why don't you just try?” Yamaguchi asked, not letting it go. 

      “Because the last time I slept with him, a week later he told me he could never love me!” Hinata shouted. Yamaguchi just stared at him in shock. “He told me he never loved me and that he never wanted to see me again and that I was his worst mistake. He told me he hated me and that I was a horrible decision that he was going to erase from his mind. Then we didn't speak for ten years, so no. I don't want to sleep with him. I don't think I could go through that again.” Hinata breathed heavily as he stared at Yamaguchi's shocked face. There was a long lull before Yamaguchi spoke. 

      “You...you never told me you guys knew each other from before,” Yamaguchi said. 

      “Yeah well,” Hinata swallowed thickly. “It didn't become relevant until now.”

      “You're telling me your ex boyfriend is here at the camp and you didn't bother to tell me that once?” Yamaguchi practically shouted. “I thought we were friends!?”

      “We are friends,” Hinata said feeling a bit hurt. “Why wouldn't we be?”

      “Well why didn't you tell me that?” Yamaguchi asked. “I tell you everything, and you couldn't be bothered to tell me something like that? Do you not trust me?”

      “No, of course I trust you,” Hinata breathed. “It's just…” He bit his lip trying to find the best way to say what he wanted to. “I… he's kind of a sore spot for me… I don't actually like talking about him. I went through a lot of shit because of him and I… I don't like revisiting that place, it just isn't healthy for me. He's just no good for me.”

      “Hinata… You could have told me. You didn't have to hide it,” Yamaguchi said shaking his head.

      “It's not that I didn't trust you,” Hinata whispered, pulling his arms around himself. “It's that I didn't trust myself. Yamaguchi I went to a really dark place after…and I… I just don't know if I can handle reliving that.”

      “You don't have to relive it,” Yamaguchi said quietly, placing his hand on Hinata's shoulder. “Just tell me what happened?”

      “O-ok,” Hinata gulped. “Let me um… Let me get dressed first and let's not do this here.”

      “Alright, I'll go to the roof. You meet me there when you're ready.”

      “Thanks,” Hinata nodded. 

      Yamaguchi quietly stepped out and closed the door gently behind him. Letting out a heavy breath, Hinata leaned his arms forward on the small dresser in his room. Trying to slow his racing thoughts, he got himself dressed as to not think about everything he was about to tell Yamaguchi. 

      Pulling on his jeans, Hinata tried to think of an easy lie he could say to just get rid of all this. His past with Kageyama was not something he wanted to think about, especially not after the past two days he's had. But as he pulled on his boots and rolled up the sleeves of his Tshirt, he couldn't think of a plausible enough lie that Yamaguchi would actually believe. 

      Marching up the stairs to the roof, Hinata took a deep breath and he pushed open the door. 

* * *

      Resting his head back, Hinata closed his eyes and let out a contented sigh. Never in his 18 years of life, had he ever felt so happy. But more importantly he felt so safe and at home. 

      He twisted his head to look slightly above him. From his position laying his head atop of his bare chest, Hinata could see Kageyama's profile illuminated by the weak moonlight. The soft pale blue light cast an ethereal glow across his boyfriends features making him look even more unearthly beautiful than usual. He couldn't pull his eyes away from the soft sloping of Kageyama's lips, the perfect crest of his cheekbones, the way that his hair was still sticking to his forehead from the sweat from the exertion of their activities. The longer he kept his eyes on Kageyama's face, the more Hinata felt certain that he had never been more in love in his entire life. 

      “You're staring at me,” Kageyama said; his voice gravely and rough. He twisted his head down, pressing his chin to his shoulder to look at Hinata's face. 

      “Can you blame me?” Hinata smirked, tightening his arm around Kageyama's exposed middle. “You look so beautiful right now, I don't think I want to look away.”

      “Ugh, you're being so sappy and gross,” Kageyama frowned, turning his head to hide his embarrassed smile. 

      “Aw come on, look at me,” Hinata laughed, leaning up on his elbow on the blanket below them. He took his hand that was wrapped around Kageyama's middle and grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at him. Kageyama couldn't get rid of his smile and blush in time. “See? You love when I'm sappy and gross.”

      “No I don't,” Kageyama shook his head, his chin still between Hinata's squeezed fingers.

      “Yeah you do,” Hinata grinned, moving his hand down to Kageyama's bare chest. 

      “No I hate you,” Kageyama smiled softly. 

      “You love me,” Hinata breathed against his lips as he leaned down. 

      “I do,” Kageyama exhaled back. “I love you.”

      “I know,” Hinata murmured right before connecting their lips. 

      They shared a slow, tender kiss that was in no hurry to get more hungry or desperate. An almost lazy sliding of their lips, Hinata and Kageyama wound their nude bodies around each other, pressing as close as possible. Hinata's legs, that were still heavy and slick from their activities only a few moments ago, encased one of Kageyama's legs between them, rubbing his upper thigh against Kageyama's groin. The large blanket covering them both, twisting around them as they moved against each other. 

      “I love you Shouyou,” Kageyama whispered as their lips separated briefly. “I love you so much. You're everything to me.”

      “Tobio,” Hinata gasped, feeling Kageyama's hands slip down his back and grab him, pulling him close. He began to kiss the line of Hinata's jaw, placing burning open mouthed kisses against his skin. 

      “I love you,” Kageyama said again with more emotion, speaking into the juncture between his neck and jaw. “I never thought I could love someone like this. But Shouyou, you are my whole world.”

      “You're mine,” Hinata breathed. “You're my everything. All that I am is because of you and I'm yours forever.”

      “We'll be together forever,” Kageyama nipped at his neck gently. “I'm never letting you go.”

      “We're going to spend the rest of our lives together,” Hinata smiled softly, thinking about their future together. 

      “Tell me about it,” Kageyama nosed up his neck. “Tell me about our lives. Make it real.”

      “Ok,” Hinata whispered. He settled himself on the blanket next to Kageyama with their arms wrapped around each other. “We are going to move in together in two weeks,” he smiled looking into his boyfriend's eyes. 

      “I know,” Kageyama grinned. 

      “And you're going to go to your amazing university and I'm going to go to mine and we're going to be disgustingly happy,” Hinata smiled running his fingers down his cheek. 

      “We are,” Kageyama grinned. “What else?”

      “After college we'll get our first crappy jobs and we'll hate our bosses but it won't matter because at the end of the day we'll come home to each other,” Hinata described. 

      “I can't wait to come home to you,” Kageyama said softly. 

      “And then we'll have a big, huge amazing wedding,” Hinata smiled. “We'll get married on the beach and afterward we'll lay on the sand and count all the stars.”

      “You've given this a lot of thought,” Kageyama commented with an amused smirk. 

      “Like you haven't?” Hinata asked, raising his eyebrow. 

      “Of course I have,” Kageyama said tenderly. “The only thing that gets me through the day is thinking about my future with you.”

      “Now who's being gross and sappy?” Hinata teased. 

      “Shut up,” Kageyama blushed.

      “I like it when you're sappy,” Hinata beamed. 

      “Ugh,” Kageyama groaned looking away. “Stop smiling at me. It's so bright, it's like the sun.”

      “I'm your personal sun,” Hinata grinned. 

      “Are you gonna to tell me more about our life or what?” Kageyama frowned. 

      “Right,” Hinata nodded. “So then we'll adopt three amazing kids and be awesome dads—”

      “Do you really want to raise a family with me?” Kageyama swallowed. “What if I'm—”

      “You're not your dad,” Hinata interrupted before he could continue. “And I'm not mine. We are nothing like them ok? Don't ever think that we're gonna be like them.”

      “Ok,” Kageyama nodded. 

      “You and me are going to be the best dads in the world,” Hinata said earnestly. “We're going to love our kids no matter what they do and we are going to love each other until the end of time.”

      “You're not going to love me that long,” Kageyama said rolling his eyes with a small smirk. 

      “You underestimate how much I'm in love with you then,” Hinata said seriously. “Kageyama, we're going to be together the rest of our lives. I won't accept that this is just some young love that means nothing. You're my happiness.”

      “And you're mine,” Kageyama whispered. 

      “When we're old and wrinkled and we can barely walk around and we've lost all our hair,” Hinata smiled, “we're still going to be in love. And you're still going to be beautiful.” 

      “That's a long time from now, are you sure you're going to still want me when we're all old and we don't even have our teeth anymore?” Kageyama laughed. 

      “Tobio,” Hinata whispered softly, “I'm never going to not want you. I love you.”

      “How did you manage to get to me like this?” Kageyama breathed, his eyes searching Hinata's face. “I couldn't have done enough good in this world to find someone as good as you. I don't deserve you.”

      “Don't say that,” Hinata said. “We're meant to be, ok? Forever and always.”

      “Forever and always,” Kageyama repeated. Hinata took his hand and threaded his fingers through Kageyama's. He pressed a small kiss to the back of his hand before bringing their foreheads together. 

      “We should probably go home now,” Hinata sighed. “It's already like…” He twisted around and reached over to grab his phone in the pile of clothes on the grass next to the blanket they were laying on top of  “...fuck it's like 4 in the morning.”

      “Shit really?” Kageyama said lifting his head off the blanket. 

      “Yeah,” Hinata frowned. “I didn't realize it was so late, sorry.”

      “It's ok,” Kageyama said rubbing his hand up and down Hinata's arm. “Although I do have work at like 10 so I'm gonna get no sleep.”

      “Sorry,” Hinata apologized. “But it was totally worth it right?” Hinata grinned up at him. 

      “Totally,” Kageyama smiled. 

      Quickly and quietly, they got dressed and packed up all the things they brought with them. The quiet clearing just inside the forest that was where they spent almost all their alone time together was already becoming alive with the sounds of the early birds. Though the sky was still inky and dark, Hinata knew that he only really had about an hour to get home and get in his room so no one would see him sneak back in. After they redressed and folded up their blankets, they walked over to Kageyama's car, tossing the stuff into his trunk. 

      “It's almost sad you know,” Hinata said closing the trunk. 

      “What is?” Kageyama asked. 

      “That this, the sneaking around, meeting up in the middle of the night to be together, keeping everything so secretive, that's going to all over in two weeks,” Hinata said. 

      “Wait, you want to keep sneaking around?” Kageyama asked dubiously, sliding into the driver's seat. 

      “No, of course not,” Hinata said sitting in the passenger seat. “But I don't know, the whole romantic notion of having to keep our relationship a secret from our families, the sexy little rendezvous in the woods, the pretending. It's all very gothic novel–like. You know, romantic.”

      “I don't like pretending,” Kageyama said looking down at his keys in his lap. “I don't like the secrets.”

      “Soon ok?” Hinata said taking his hand. Kageyama looked up at him with his big blue emotion filled eyes and Hinata melted right then and there. “Once we move away, we'll never come back; it'll be just you and me.”

      “I know,” Kageyama nodded with a soft smile. 

      “Kiss me?” Hinata said looking at Kageyama's eyes that he could never tire of looking into. 

      Kageyama obliged and leaned forward, pressing their lips together. There was a slight nervous hesitation that reminded Hinata of their first kiss so much. Sitting in Kageyama's car, it felt like they were 15 again, kissing each other for the first time on the school bus. 

      When they broke apart, Hinata's lips hovered over Kageyama's, just breathing before he spoke. 

      “We just have to get through these next two weeks. Then it's just you and me,” Hinata whispered. “We can wait that out no big deal.”

      “I would wait lifetimes to be with you,” Kageyama breathed. 

      “You won't have to because we're going to be together, forever and always,” Hinata said, brushing his fingers through Kageyama's hair. He placed one last lingering kiss on his lips before leaning back in his seat. “Come on let's go home. I have to make sure I'm home before everyone wakes up or else I'm done for.”

      “Yeah me too,” Kageyama said turning on the car. 

      They drove back relatively quietly, both of them extremely tired from being up all night with each other. Every so often when Kageyama would stop at a traffic light, he'd reach over and take Hinata's hand, almost just on instinct. Hinata watched Kageyama's profile, his eyes tracing the sloping lines of his face wondering to himself how he managed to be with someone so beautiful. 

      “Ok we're here,” Kageyama sighed as he came to a stop at the bottom of the hill that Hinata lived on. 

      “Thanks,” Hinata said frowning at the driveway leading up to his house. He turned his head to Kageyama who was staring at him with a soft melancholy expression. “What's wrong?”

      “Nothing, I just…” Kageyama breathed heavily, his eyes searching his face. Gently he lifted his left hand and placed it on the side of Hinata's face. “I just really want to get through these two weeks.”

      “We will,” Hinata smiled. He lifted his hand and placed it on top of Kageyama's against his face. Turning his head slightly, he placed a tender kiss on the inside of his wrist. “I'll see you later ok?” he said getting out the car. “Love you.”

      “I love you too,” Kageyama said softly. Hinata waved goodbye as he made his way up the driveway. Luckily they had gotten back before the sun really began to rise in the sky. 

      Hinata slid open the back door that he purposely left open and quietly walked into his house. Tip toeing up  to his room, Hinata closed the door behind him. He threw himself backwards on his bed with a thud, wincing at the sharp pain in his backside that he had tried to ignore the whole car ride. 

      Shifting until the pain was a dull pressure, Hinata pulled off his jeans and shirt tossing them onto the desk chair in the corner of the room. He lifted the blanket and crawled underneath it, curling on his side. Tucking the blanket around him, Hinata closed his eyes letting his mind drift off to thoughts of Kageyama. 

      The dull ache in his backside reminded him of what Kageyama and him had finally done. After months of near almost sex, they finally laid themselves out in their usual spot and gone all the way. Being that close with each other was something that Hinata had wanted for such a long time. He could still feel the way Kageyama moved inside him as they pressed together, both of them reaching their climax simultaneously. Just the memory of it made the heat pool in Hinata's groin. 

_       It's just two more weeks. Then we go to our apartment and we start the rest of our lives.  _

      Hinata managed to drift off to sleep a little while after, waking up some time in the late afternoon. The sun lowering in the sky shone into Hinata's bedroom, covering his face with a warm beam of light. Sitting up groggily, Hinata blindly reached for his phone on the bed next to him. 

      Not surprised that he didn't have any texts from Kageyama, Hinata tossed his phone aside as he got out of bed. He pulled on what we shirt and sweats he had laying on the floor of his room. Shuffling through his bedroom door, Hinata went down the stairs to the kitchen where his mother was preparing dinner. 

      “Oh look who finally decided to get out of bed,” his mom chided as she chopped vegetables on the counter. 

      “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Hinata nodded sleepily pressing a kiss to her cheek as he walked over to the fridge. “I guess I was just tired.”

      “How late were you up till last night?” she asked as he rummaged through the shelves in the fridge. “Very, I'm assuming.”

      “Late-ish,” Hinata admitted vaguely, grabbing a few slices of cheese before closing the door. 

      “Don't eat too much before dinner,” she said watching him stack the cheese on a slice of bread. 

      “Can I just skip dinner tonight, my sleep schedule is all weird, it'd be like having soup for breakfast,” he said taking a bite of his almost sandwich. 

      “No, your father said he'll be home in time for dinner so I'd like you to sit with us,” she said glancing at him warily. “You know how he likes when we all eat together.”

      “Makes it easier if we're all together than hurling insults at me from another room,” Hinata grumbled. 

      “Don't be like that,” she shook her head. 

      “Mom, you know how he is,” Hinata said. “I'm not even exaggerating when I say all he does is insult me.”

      “He loves you in his own way,” she said carefully. 

      “Yeah whatever,” Hinata rolled his eyes, taking his food and going back up the stairs to his room. 

      Dropping down onto his bed, he stuck the almost sandwich in his mouth and picked up his phone. He typed out a short text to Kageyama, reading it over a few times before he pressed send. 

**> Next time we should do it on an actual bed. I think I have root shaped bruises on my back **

      Laying back as he finished his food, Hinata's mind drifted back to the night before. They had done plenty of everything they could think of to do together apart of straightforward sex, until last night. Hinata felt a small smirk tug at his lips at the thought of how nervous Kageyama was the entire time he was preparing him. How red and flushed his cheeks got as he eased more and more fingers into Hinata. How he clumsily and nervously lined himself with Hinata's slick entrance. How he almost came as soon as he slid completely inside him. 

      As first times go, Hinata would say that theirs had been close to perfect. Completely and desperately in love, they both whispered sweet nothings into each other's skin as they rocked together. Each kiss was hot and burning, and each place where they touched was sparked with electricity. It was the perfect combination of slow loving sex, with passion of pure base desperation. 

      Eyeing his phone, Hinata wondered why Kageyama hadn't answered yet. He normally would answer Hinata almost immediately even at work, and he never really slept this late. Grabbing his phone he wrote him out another text designed to get a response. 

**> so next time I get to top you**

      He looked at the time; his dad would be home within the hour. Gathering his motivation, he got up to shower, not wanting to deal with his father's snipping at his hygiene. 

      By the time he finished showering and was already dressed and towel drying his hair, he could hear the growling and roaring coming from the living room which signified his father was home. He tossing his towel on his desk chair, and reach for his phone. Still no response. 

      “Shouyou! Dinner!” his mom called from the bottom of the stairs. Waiting until the last possible moment, Hinata slid his phone into his sweat pants pocket and went downstairs. 

      “Did you just wake up?” his father growled at him. 

      “No, in fact I'm still asleep now,” Hinata said sarcastically as he sat down at the table in his usual spot on his father's left. 

      “Again with that smart mouth,” he shook his head with a frown. 

      “Let's just try to have a nice dinner,” his mom said timidly sitting down across from Hinata. 

      “Yeah,” Hinata huffed as he began eating. 

      Dinner was tense and quiet, as usual. Any time his father would be home their interactions would taut with bickering and tension. Hinata couldn't remember the last time him and his father spoke without animosity. 

      Usually, Hinata would call Kageyama when he was feeling upset or aggravated or just needed to hear his voice after an altercation with his dad. But as he laid on his bed, an hour after he had dinner, getting Kageyama's voice mail for the fifth time in a row, Hinata decided it would be easy for him to just go to back sleep. 

      Hinata's week was spend in a lethargic slump. He would sleep, and eat, and pack his things and then repeat. Most of the time, he locked himself up in his room ignoring the usual insults from his father and just barely talking to his mother. But what he really spent most of his time doing was worrying. 

      Sitting on his bed, a week after he and Kageyama had sex for the first time, Hinata looked down at his phone reading the last text Kageyama had sent to him, over a week ago. Not only had Kageyama not bothered to text him for days, but he hadn't answered any of his phone calls or responded to any of his other attempts to communicate with him. It had been nothing but radio silence and Hinata was nearly in a constant state of panic. 

      Not hearing from his boyfriend was rapidly pushing him to the edge of a nervous breakdown. Since they had met, no more than 2-3 days had gone by without some form of communication between them. So for Hinata to sit in his bedroom, willing Kageyama to just a see the myriad of texts he had sent him this past week, it was making him crazy. 

      He could barely even remember the last time they hadn't spoken every day. They had had some fight that Hinata could no longer remember what it was about and they had lasted exactly 34 hours before they cracked. That had been well over a year ago and Hinata had since then grown accustomed to talking to Kageyama at least once a day. But now, he sat on his bed with his phone in his hands, wondering why his boyfriend wasn't talking to him. 

      “Shou?” Hinata heard a soft knocking at his door breaking himself out of his thoughts. 

      “Mom?” he said looking up at the slowly opening door. 

      “Is everything alright? You've seemed kind of quiet today,” she said walking into his bedroom, a basket of freshly laundered clothes in her hands. 

      “Yeah I'm…” Hinata trailed off, stopping himself. “I'm fine, just tired and nervous I guess.”

      “For university? You're gonna do great,” she smiled. “And you can come home whenever you like, you and Tobio.”

      “To— yeah um, I don't…” Hinata stumbled, not sure how much he wanted too give away yet. 

      “I'm so glad he offered to split his apartment with you, that was very nice of him,” she continued, seemingly unaware of Hinata's growing unease. “You two have been practically attached at the hip since you met. It'll be nice to go through something so new and scary with someone you know.”

      “Of course,” Hinata swallowed uncomfortably. 

      “You shouldn't worry about university, sweetie,” his mom smiled. “You're gonna do great and be so happy.”

      “Thanks mom,” Hinata nodded. 

      “And maybe,” she smiled slyly, “you'll meet a nice girl…”

      “Yeah, maybe mom,” Hinata said dryly, trying not to roll his eyes. He hated the way she looked at him; that expectant look that told him all he needed to know about how bad it would be if he ever decided to come out to her. It found it easier to just nod and agree, biding his time until he was free. 

      “Well,” she sighed happily. “I'll leave you be. Good night Shou. See you in the morning.”

      “Good night mom,” Hinata said watching her clothes the door. He waited until he heard her footsteps go down the stairs before jumping out of bed and getting dressed. 

      Taking off his raggedy sweatshirt and pants, he pulled on a clingy white t-shirt and a pair of dark wash jeans. Grabbing Kageyama's old, but still warm cream sweater from his closet, he pulled it on over his head before stuffing his phone in back pocket. Opening up his window to the chilly summer night, Hinata carefully eased his way out onto the roof beneath him like he's done so many times before. Closing the window just enough to be unnoticeably open, Hinata made his way down from the low roof and onto the ground behind his house. The dark of the late night gave him cover as he snuck away from his house. 

**< look I don't know if you're even getting my texts but I'm going to be at our spot if you want to meet me there**

      Hinata felt like he was running out of options. For some undisclosed reason, Kageyama was mad at him, or at the very least was just plain ignoring him. He had been racking his brain, trying to figure out what he could have done to deserve such coldness from him, and Hinata came up with nothing. As a last resort he thought perhaps Kageyama might show up at their spot to talk face to face. 

      Without Kageyama driving him there, it was an hour long walk to their spot in the secluded forest. By the time Hinata had arrived, the sky had gone completely black and the only sounds were the summer bugs. He sat down against a tree at the edge of the clearing and waited. 

      He wasn't sure how long he sat there under that tree. It felt like it had been hours sitting there, waiting. Hinata could barely keep his eyes open after sitting for so long, and he felt himself start to drift off just as he heard the crunch in of approaching footsteps. Suddenly very awake, Hinata stood up brushing off the back of his jeans as he saw the silhouette of Kageyama walking through the clearing towards him.  

      “Tobio!” Hinata called out waving him over. “God I felt like I'd never see you again, why haven't you been answering my texts!?” Kageyama continued silently walking over to him until Hinata could clearly see him. His head was downturned, watching his boots crunch on the grass until he came to a stop a few feet away from Hinata. 

      “Tobio?” Hinata said suddenly feeling uncomfortable. “Are you alright? What's—”

      “I'm here, what do you want?” Kageyama said gruffly. 

      “I…” Hinata stared at him completely caught off guard. “I wanted to see you...I–I missed you.”

      “Well I'm here now, you're seeing me,” Kageyama grunted, looking away from him. 

      “Why are you being like this?” Hinata asked feeling wounded. 

      “Being like what?” Kageyama shrugged still not looking at him. 

      “Like this all...all...cold. What did I do?” Hinata asked at a loss. Kageyama didn't answer. “Kageyama?” He remained quiet. Hinata started feeling the panic of frustration mixed with confusion building in his gut and chest. His breathing came in shallow and his mind was sluggishly trying to make sense of Kageyama's actions. 

      “Kageyama I—” Hinata took a step towards him and Kageyama took a step back. “What is happening? Why… why are you acting like this?” Kageyama didn't answer, but just continued looking off to the side. Growing frustrated and annoyed, Hinata felt his fist clench at his sides. “Well if you're not going to talk to me then why did you come!?”

      “I came...as a courtesy,” Kageyama said tightly. 

      “A courtesy? A courtesy for what?” Hinata asked confused and impatient. 

      “To you,” Kageyama continued, his voice low. 

      “I don't understand,” Hinata began frantically. “A courtesy to me for—”

      “It's over,” Kageyama said cutting Hinata off. Hinata fell silent as his blood ran cold in his veins. 

      “Wh–what do you mean?” Hinata breathed out. 

      “What so difficult to understand?” Kageyama bit out staring at the ground. “It's over. You and me. We're over.”

      “You're...you're breaking up with me?” Hinata asked, his breath hitching. 

      “I thought that was obvious,” Kageyama said flatly. 

      “But...but…” Hinata couldn't hear anything over the sound of blood rushing in his ears. Everything that he thought Kageyama was going to say, all of the reasons for the silence over the past week, this was never in be he had considered. “Are...are you messing with me?”

      “No.”

      “Is this some kind of sick joke, because if it is it's not—”

      “I'm not joking,” Kageyama said flatly. “I'm serious.”

      “But why?” Hinata asked weakly. 

      “Because I don't like you,” Kageyama said roughly. Hinata felt like he couldn't breathe at all. “And I'm not...gay.”

      “I don't...I don't understand,” Hinata whispered. His tears began to well up in his eyes and he could barely see Kageyama's form in front of him. “We were happy, we're in love—”

      “I don't love you,” Kageyama said quietly. “I...I never have.”

      “Why are you saying this?” Hinata whispered, tears falling down his face. 

      “You didn't mean anything to me,” Kageyama continued, looking past Hinata's head. 

      “Stop this,” Hinata begged. 

      “I can't pretend to be with you anymore,” Kageyama said looking down at his shoes. 

      “I didn't know...we were pretending. I love you and I want to be with you.”

      “Well I don't.”

      “Why...why didn't you tell me before?” Hinata asked through heaving breaths. He stared up hard at Kageyama's face which was turned away from him. “Why did you wait so long to tell me?”

      “I didn't know how to tell you,” Kageyama said quietly. 

      “You tell me to my face you fucking asshole!” Hinata shouted trying his best not to cry. Kageyama flinched and bit the inside of his cheek but refused to look at Hinata in the face. “How long?”

      “How long what?” Kageyama repeated. 

      “How long have you known that you didn't have feelings for me!?” Hinata yelled. 

      “I never had feelings for you,” Kageyama stated flatly. 

      “Then...then why?” Hinata breathed. “Why let it go on so long? Why let me believe it was all real? Why!?”

      “I don't know,” Kageyama said quietly.

      “Fuck you, you do know!” Hinata yelled. “Tell me why you let me think we could have been happy!? Tell me why you made me believe you loved me!? Tell me why you fooled me into sleeping with you— oh god,” his voice broke off into a wet sob. 

      “I just wanted... to lose my virginity,” Kageyama said just above a whisper, his eyes focused on his feet. “I thought it would be easier to do it with someone who liked me.”

      “I don't just like you, Kageyama,” Hinata snapped through his tears. “I love you and–and you love me. You told me you did!” 

      “That...that was a mistake,” Kageyama said thickly. 

      “You told me I was your happiness! That you loved me more than anything! Was that a mistake too!?”

      “You...you were my worst mistake, I could never had loved you.”

      “I don't understand,” Hinata sobbed into his hands. “Everything you've said to me. Everything we've said and planned. Everything we've shared over the years. Did that mean nothing?”

      “Yes,” Kageyama said thickly. “You… You were a horrible decision that I'm going to erase from my mind.”

      “How can you say that?” Hinata wept. “After everything? After all that we've said and done? Kageyama I love you,” he pleaded trying to take a step closer only to have Kageyama take another step back. 

      “I don't love you, I could never,” Kageyama said looking off to the left of Hinata. 

      “But we...we were supposed to be together forever and always,” Hinata whispered. “What about that, Kageyama? What happened to forever and always!?” Hinata cried. 

      “It's meaningless,” Kageyama shrugged. “I never meant anything I said to you.”

      “Why say it then?” Hinata sobbed. “Why even let me think that–that maybe we'd be together? Why even let me think you loved me? I don't understand.”

      “You...you were just something to pass the time with,” Kageyama swallowed thickly. 

      “But…” Hinata panting heavily, searching his mind to find something, anything, to prove he was lying. “But we've been together for years, why now? Why wait until now? Until after we made all our college plans, and plans to move in together? Why now?”

      “Because I…” Kageyama searched for words. “I don't want you to move in with me.”

      “No…”

      “I–I hate you and I never want to see you again.”

      “Stop…”

      “Please don't try to contact me again,” Kageyama said thickly. 

      “Fuck you,” Hinata bit out, angrily wiping away his tears. “Fuck you for everything. This didn't have to be this way. You could have figured out a different way to do this.”

      For the first time since he had walked over, Kageyama's eyes shot up and looked into Hinata's. Distraught, emotional, and blindingly angry, Hinata couldn't quite make out the swarm of emotions flittering through Kageyama's face. He could see nothing but the budding of his own hatred as he watched a tear slip down Kageyama's cheek. Soon the eye contact became too much for him, and Kageyama let out a ragged breath and looked away. 

      “I...I didn't see a better way to do this,” Kageyama whispered. “I'm sor—” he stopped himself, biting hard on his lower lip. “You'll be better off with someone who will actually love you. That's not me.”

      “Fuck you,” Hinata sobbed. “Stop pretending like you're doing this for me. Like some fucking martyr. This is you being selfish!”

      “I'm finally doing something selfish!” Kageyama yelled back for the first time. “It's usually always all about you. Well now it's time for something to be about me!”  

      “And this is the way you wanted that to happen!?” Hinata cried. “You wanted your ‘first selfish act’ to be you completely destroying me!? How is that fair!?”

      “It doesn't have to be fair,” Kageyama said dryly. “It's what has to happen.”

      “So this is it?” Hinata asked through heaved sobs. “This is how we end? In a screaming match in the woods?”

      “How did you think it was going to happen?” Kageyama asked flatly. 

      “I didn't!” Hinata shouted. “I didn't think it would ever happen. I love you, don't you get it?  And I hate you so much right now.”

      “Good,” Kageyama said. “Now the... the feeling is mutual.”

      “I don't know what I did to make you hate me,” Hinata exhaled heavily. “But I don't care anymore. Fuck you.” Kageyama didn't answer, he only stood there staring at his feet. “Pretending to be in love with me is one thing; but making me believe it is so much worse.” 

      He could see a thick tear slip down the slope of Kageyama's nose and hit his shoe with a splat. Hinata's mind was racing a mile a minute, desperately trying to make sense of everything. 

      “I hope I never see you again, Kageyama.” And with that, Hinata turned around and walked back out through the clearing, hoping he could keep himself together until he was out of sight.

* * *

 

      Silently, Hinata look out on across the vegetable fields trying his best to keep his composure. Even after all this time, revisiting that thine in his life was still painful for him. Just the memories of what happened then and then afterwards were difficult enough to make him physically upset. He fought the determined tear that made its way down the side of his face. 

      “So all this time,” Yamaguchi began thickly. “You guys living here for these past months, working together day in and day out, talking and bickering, you guys were pretending none of that happened?”

      “Well, we try to,” Hinata croaked, wiping his face. “It doesn't...it doesn't always work out that way.”

      “And he's never tried to–to apologize? Or give some sort of explanation, I guess?” Yamaguchi asked. 

      “No— but to be fair I don't think I'd let him,” Hinata laughed dryly. 

      “Maybe he had a reason. May–maybe he...he…” Yamaguchi trailed off at a loss for words. 

      “Does it matter now?” Hinata shrugged. “Does it matter at all really? So what if he has an explanation. It's not going to change anything.”

      “But maybe you guys can move on—”

      “I slit my wrists that night,” Hinata swallowed. Yamaguchi stared at him with a mix of horror and sympathy. “I went home and...I just...I couldn't see a way past it. The only reason I'm still alive is that my mom said that I left the hallway light on and went to check on me.”

      “Hinata I—”

      “So an explanation doesn't matter,” Hinata said turning his head away. “Because what's done is done. The course of my life was forever altered from then on.”

      “I'm so sorry Hinata,” Yamaguchi whispered. “I wish things turned out better for you.”

      “Well now it's the apocalypse, so whatever right?” Hinata laughed without humor. 

      “I wonder how Kageyama felt seeing you after all those years,” Yamaguchi thought aloud. 

      “I don't give a fuck about how he felt,” Hinata growled with distaste. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh sorry it's been so long between chapters, I just try to keep myself a few chapters ahead of the update so i was trying to write more before posting this.   
> The response on the last chapter was AMAZING i can't express how flattered and grateful i am that people are reading and enjoying and theorizing about my fic. thank you so much to everyone who has been reading, honestly i can't say it enough.   
> Now a lot of the comments on the last chapter mentioned how much they wanted to see Kageyama's POV in the story and you're in luck! because the next 8 chapters of this fic are in Kageyama's perspective! I'm not sure if i'm going to continue on with the 8 Hinata/ 8 Kageyama after these next 8 but there POV will switch back again in the future.   
> Also i think you guys are gonna like the end bit. TBH when i was writing it i was half tempted to take it out and use it for a more fluffy fic because it was just so cute. but after all that angst i think you guys could use some fluff.

* * *

**Kageyama**

  
      “I feel like shit,” Kageyama groaned rubbing his fingers against his temples.  
  
      “You look like shit,” Tsukishima grinned sitting across from him at the table in the dining hall. Tsukishima happily ate while Kageyama’s food grew cold. “Did you even shower when you got back?”   
  
      “Yes of course I showered, asshole,” Kageyama frowned running his hands down his face. “I showered and ate and tried to get some sleep but for some reason, sleep eluded me all night.”  
  
      “I bet you slept peacefully the night before,” Tsukishima said smugly. “You know, cuddling with your boyfriend and all that.”   
  
      “He’s not my boyfriend,” Kageyama said, too tired to glare. “And no, I didn’t sleep well then too. You know, with the possibility of being attacked and all that.”  
  
      “He’s not your boyfriend _yet_ ,” Tsukishima pressed, taking a bite of bread.  
  
      “And what about Kuroo?” Kageyama snapped, taking his hand’s off his face and putting them on the table. Tsukishima immediately lost his smirk. “Yeah that’s what I thought.”   
  
      “What about me?” Kuroo asked pulling out the chair next to Tsukishima and sitting down next to him, dropping his tray on the table.   
  
      “Nothing,” Tsukishima said sending Kageyama quelling look, to which he received a smug smirk in response.   
  
      “Tsukishima was telling me you guys actually had some down time while I was gone,” Kageyama said changing the subject. He pushed away his tray of food and leaned back in his chair. “That must have been nice, I don’t even remember what relaxing was like.”   
  
      “Well yeah, since we couldn’t do much until you two came back we had some time on our hands,” Kuroo said tucking into his food. “We actually got to sit down and breathe for like five minutes.”   
  
      “Sounds fun,” Kageyama said crossing his arms.   
  
      “I even got to help Suga make some preparations for the wedding,” Kuroo said.   
  
      “Sounds less fun,” Kageyama said making a face.   
  
      “I liked doing it actually,” Kuroo shrugged. “It felt...normal.”   
  
      “What even is normal?” Kageyama mumbled.   
  
      “I still don’t understand why they’re bothering,” Tsukishima frowned. “Why even have a wedding? Get married? What’s the point?”  
  
      “I think it’s nice,” Kuroo said taking another bite of food.  
  
      “But doing this practically meaningless ritual seems just like a waste of time,” Tsukishima frowned.   
  
      “It’s not meaningless to them,” Kuroo pointed out. “If Daichi and Suga want to get married it must mean something to them still.”   
  
      “I just think that it all seems archaic and pointless now,” Tsukishima said. “If you want to be with someone, you should just be with them.”   
  
      “I agree, especially in the world we live in,” Kuroo nodded looking up at Tsukishima through his hair.   
  
      “Exactly,” Tsukishima faltered slightly. “There’s no point in...hiding your feelings.”   
  
      “Right,” Kuroo said softly.   
  
      Kageyama watched them both with a frown from across the table. Ever since they had arrived at the camp years ago, it had been nothing but longing stares and mutual pining between the two of them and Kageyama was well past bored of it. He often encouraged Tsukishima to just tell Kuroo how he felt. However he usually did it through some form of mocking and blackmail which is most likely why it hadn't happened as of yet.   
  
      “Hey guys!” Lev said happily, dropping his tray on the table and effectively cutting through the tension. He pulled his chair up beside Kuroo and Kageyama and almost instantly began eating.  
  
      “Hey Lev,” Kageyama said breaking the tension filled silence.   
  
      “Hey Kageyama! How was your mission yesterday? Did you see anything cool?” Lev asked in the effervescent way that Kageyama often felt was overwhelming.   
  
      “Uh, that's classified,” Kageyama said.   
  
      “Yeah MAPs members only,” Tsukishima sneered.   
  
      “That's a no then,” Kuroo smirked at Lev. “Classified is just a fancy way of saying _we can't tell you that we don't know_.”  
  
      “Seems like it would be easier just to say it,” Lev grumbled eating his breakfast. “I'll just ask Hinata.”  
  
      “And he'll tell you the same thing,” Tsukki glared before Kageyama got to say anything.   
  
      “Ok, damn,” Lev frowned. “I was only curious.”  
  
      “We should go,” Kageyama said getting up from his seat and picking up his tray. He looked at Tsukishima to follow him but only got an annoyed glare in response. “We have the meeting with Daichi, remember”   
  
      “Fine,” Tsukishima frowned grabbing his tray and standing up.   
  
      “I’ll see you later Tsukki,” Kuroo said as Tsukishima began to walk away from the table with Kageyama.   
  
      “Yeah,” Tsukishima responded glancing back at him. Kageyama watched the tips of his ears burned slightly as they walked over to the compost bin to dispose of their food leftovers.   
  
      “You know you can stop pretending right?” Kageyama said quietly as they scraped their plates. “He knows, and I know and everyone here probably knows.”   
  
      “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tsukishima said tightly, dropping his tray and plate into the used receptacle.  
  
      “Of course you don’t,” Kageyama sighed, following Tsukishima out of the dining hall. “You know, you can...talk...to me right?” Kageyama struggled.   
  
      “Why would I want to do that?” Tsukishima frowned with distaste, going down the steps to the main lobby.   
  
      “Because… I don’t know, maybe you’d want to, instead of keeping everything inside you,” Kageyama said as he walked quickly next to him.   
  
      “Maybe there’s just nothing and you’re wrong,” Tsukishima said pushing open the main door.   
  
      “OK, but I’m not wrong,” Kageyama continued keeping pace with him. “Look,” he grabbed Tsukishima’s arm and pulled them both to a halt at the bottom of the steps leading up to the main building. “I don’t…” Kageyama sighed letting go of Tsukishima’s arm. “Just don’t shut me out.”   
  
      “I’m not,” Tsukishima said, looking at him with thinly disguised concern.   
  
      “Look, my head's a mess, I don’t know how to act like 95% of the time and I feel like I’m drowning,” Kageyama confessed quietly.   
  
      “Kageyama, you—”  
  
      “Hey guys! Guys!” Tanaka shouted from across the groups of people slowly making their way up the steps to the main building for breakfast. “Guys, Daichi wants to see us. He says it’s urgent.”   
  
      “We’re coming,” Kageyama called back. WIthout a word, the both of them walked down the last steps and continued on the path towards the library. The walk was silent and tense on Kageyama's side. The urge to pull Tsukishima aside and continue where he left off was more powerful than he thought,and a few times he thought he was going to give in. But as they came to the stone building, Kageyama tried to let go of that tension and focus on the meeting.   
  
      “There you guys are,” Daichi said as they filtered into the meeting room. “I didn't want to start without you but time is of the essence.”  
  
      “What's going on?” Tanaka asked taking a seat across from Kenma and Hinata who were already seated on the opposite side of the table. Kageyama took a seat next to Tanaka directly across from Hinata who didn't even look over at him when he walked in.   
  
      “Hold on,” Daichi said seriously, taking a step to the side so he could close the door before continuing. “Bokuto informed me that an hour ago they found a hole in the fence along the north border in the woods.” He took a seat heavily in the seat at the head of the table.   
  
      “Maybe an animal burrowed a hole through it,” Tsukishima suggested from the opposite end of the table.   
  
      “No he said that he and Iwaizumi inspected it and it was obvious that someone with a heavy tool like an axe or a saw cut through,” Daichi said seriously.   
  
      “But don't they do perimeter checks?” Hinata asked confusedly. “I mean how could someone have done that without being caught?”  
  
      “Yeah and how did they know to cut through that part of the fence?” Tanaka asked.   
  
      “I'm going to be speaking with everyone who has been on guard duty for the past few days to see when this could have happened,” Daichi explained.   
  
      “What if whoever did that had help from someone in here?” Tsukishima asked seriously.   
  
      “Who would want to do that?” Tanaka cried incredulously. “We take in rescues and survivors all the time—heck, most of us were picked up as rescues. Why go through that trouble when we'd let people in normally?”  
  
      “Maybe it wasn't letting something in, it was letting something out?” Kageyama said.   
  
      “Like?” Tanaka asked.   
  
      “I don't know, I'm just trying to develop the theory,” Kageyama frowned.   
  
      “Well whatever it is, either we have someone in our camp, or something, or someone had left our camp,” Daichi said.   
  
      “Why don't we do a headcount?” Kenma suggested. “We can say it's some sort of drill. Like an emergency drill for if the camp gets over run and we gather everyone in the dining hall.”  
  
      “But that only checks to see if someone has left,” Tsukishima frowned. “What if someone got in and is hiding in the camp?”  
  
      “Then we have the border patrol check the camp while everyone is in the dining hall,” Daichi suggested.   
  
      “Ok, but what if the person who helped this guy works in border patrol?” Tsukishima pointed out.   
  
      “Well fuck, are you going to offer any solutions or just nitpick!?” Tanaka yelled.   
  
      “I'm just trying to point out holes so we fix them now before it becomes too late,” Tsukishima said calmly.

     “I think we're going to go with Kenma's plan,” Daichi nodded. “Kageyama and Hinata found nothing on their mission which leads me to believe this isn't CRITS related but someone acting on their own. We need to solve this causing as little panic as possible. If word gets out that there's a hole in our fence and that someone could have snuck in, we'll have anarchy on our hands. We cannot let that happen. Is that understood?”   
  
      “Yes sir,” they all said in unison.   
  
      “Under no circumstances do you discuss this with anyone outside of this room or the border patrol commanding officers.”  
  
      “Sir, what happens if we find someone hiding in our camp?” Hinata asked. Kageyama looked over at Daichi who seemed to have anticipated this question. Still, he sighed and settled back in his seat, folding his hands in his lap. Kageyama knew they all were looking at Daichi and his answer would affect the tone in which the search would take place.   
  
      “I honestly don't know,” Daichi said carefully. “I've decided to cross that bridge when we get to it.”   
  
      Each of them seemed to accept that answer and not pressed him any further. Kageyama couldn't help but feel like if they did find anyone, it would not end well for them. But he knew better than to voice that thought out loud. He also knew that the six of them were all thinking the same thing.   
  
      “I'm going to inform border patrol of the plan,” Daichi said standing up from his chair. “I suggest you all change into your tactical gear and prepare to search the camp within the hour. It's going to be a long day.” With that, Daichi opened the door and walked out of the room leaving the heavy atmosphere to fester and crush the rest of them.   
  
      “We better get ready, border patrol is probably going to need some help reigning everyone in,” Hinata said standing up from the table. Kageyama made eye contact with him for a second before Hinata looked away and walked out of the room.   
  
      “Come on,” Tsukishima said walking past his chair.   
  
      Getting up from his seat, Kageyama followed him out of the room and through the library. Staring down at his feet, Kageyama watched as his boots crunched the gravely path underneath him as he walked almost entirely on muscle memory towards the armory. Keeping silent the whole way there, Kageyama barely even glanced at Tsukishima. His mind was racing with a toxic combination of what they were about to do and the argument that he and Hinata had the night before.   
__  
      Kageyama, I already owe you my life, what more do you want from me?  
  
      Hinata's words swam in his head, filling it almost to the brim before he could barely hear his own thoughts bounce against the walls of his brain. He replayed those words over and over again trying to find every bit of meaning from them. The more he concentrated on the phrase the less it made sense to him.   
  
      Nothing. He had told Hinata he wanted nothing.  
__  
      Stop pretending you know me. Stop pretending I didn't have a life outside you. Stop pretending there's anything between us.  
  
      His own words echoed in his head, the only thing cutting through the constant drumbeat of Hinata's voice. Kageyama had felt so angry, so confused by Hinata's hot and cold attitude towards him. It felt like one moment they were talking about when they were teenagers and the next Hinata was yelling at him telling him he was a horrible person.   
  
      The problem was, Kageyama did feel like a horrible person. In recent years he couldn't remember a time when he didn't feel like a horrible person. And though he had tried to hide so much of his self hatred, since Hinata came to the camp it was like he had chipped off a very painful scab. All of his self deprecating thoughts came flooding back in full force. Anything that he'd managed to them stowed away and at bay, but they rushed back at him drowning him in emotions he hadn't ever wanted to feel again.   
  
      He knew it was dangerous to live with his mind not completely focused on the present. Especially in the world they were living in. One moment not paying explicit attention to the world around you and you could end up dead, easily. But Kageyama's mind was split, halfway between the present and the past; both Hinata's mixing and melding in his mind until he found it hard to distinguish what was the real Hinata and what was the one in his mind.    


* * *

      Kageyama felt nervous. He wasn't often nervous. Most of the time he was either very sure about what he going to saying or thinking, and other times he just didn't care enough to pay attention. But nervous was his usual when he was around Hinata.   
  
      He shifted on the seat, trying hard not to fidget while he waited. The palms of his hands were sweaty and he could feel his heart beating in his chest. The hot crowded school bus did nothing to help his feeling of impending doom as the rest of the students filed into the seats.   
  
      Glaring at each student who'd pass him by, He hoped no one decided to be brave enough to sit next to him. Counting on his naturally cold aura to dissuade any potential bus mates, he kept an eye out for a particular orange head in the crowd. And laughing and chatting with several other boys, Hinata climbed the steps onto the bus making Kageyama's heart rate go from fast to painfully fast.   
  
      Fleetingly, he pondered whether or not to wave at him. But after spending the entire day barely able to get in 3 words with him, Kageyama thought better of it. It wasn't like he hadn't tried to talk to Hinata. He had originally thought that the school trip to zoo would have been the perfect opportunity to hang out with Hinata in a controlled but much less constricting environment. Being in different classes meant that they didn't get to spend a such time together as Kageyama would like. And though they would often eat lunch together, on the days that they didn't Kageyama was forced to watch Hinata laugh and talk with his multitude of friends while he sat and ate alone.   
  
      But he knew that Hinata didn't purposely leave him alone or ignore him. Despite being short and a bit hyper, Hinata was surprisingly popular with lots of friends. Almost the complete opposite to Kageyama. He was tall and slightly gangly, and was told repeatedly that he had something akin to a “resting bitch face” which made him unapproachable and unfriendly. On occasion he would overhear people asking Hinata why he would talk to Kageyama on account of how angry and broody he looked. But no one ever asked Kageyama why he talked to Hinata.   
  
      To be fair, Kageyama hadn't actually known why he continued to talk to Hinata after he stopped him from crashing on the first day of school. At first, he assumed Hinata talked to him out of some sort of feeling of gratefulness. But even as Hinata continued to make friends he continued to talk to Kageyama. It wasn't until Kageyama found himself seeking Hinata out that he realized that that little golden boy managed to trick him into becoming his friend.   
  
      But almost immediately after he realized they were friends he started noticing. He noticed how his heart rate would pick up every time Hinata smiled up at him. He noticed how anytime Hinata touched him, it'd leave that part of his skin burning for hours after. He noticed that he would have these weird urges to run his fingers through his hair or to hug him. And it scared him.   
  
      Admittedly, it took Kageyama an embarrassingly long time to get to the answer of a crush. Weeks of holding out, thinking it had to be something else, not wanting to believe that he had a crush on his male friend. But it took an ill timed trip into the locker room during their gym class, the sight of Hinata in nothing but his boxers, and frantic sprint into the bathroom to calm his breathing and heart rate to convince Kageyama that he was most definitely attracted to his possibly only friend.   
  
      Nervously, Kageyama watched as Hinata walked down the aisle looking for seat. The turmoil of whether or not to call out to him and offer him a seat, or to keep quiet and wait for him to see the empty seat next to him, kept Kageyama in a silent war with himself. A panic that was ended by Hinata seeing him and making his way towards him excitedly.   
  
      “Hey can I sit here?” Hinata asked standing next to the seat.   
  
      “Uh— yeah, sure,” Kageyama said awkwardly, moving in closer to the window so Hinata could slide in next to him.   
  
      “Thanks,” Hinata smiled bouncing on the seat.   
  
      “No problem,” Kageyama said, feeling the tips of his ears blush at the feeling of Hinata's thigh pressed up against his in the confined bus seat.   
  
      “Did you like the trip?” Hinata asked.   
  
      “Um, yeah it–it was cool,” Kageyama said trying to seem normal and unaffected by Hinata's proximity. “The animals were cool.”  
  
      “Was it cool?” Hinata teased.   
  
      “Shut up,” Kageyama huffed, biting the smile out of his cheek.   
  
      Once all the students were loaded on and seated, the bus lurched forward and starting moving back towards the school. The ride there had been quiet and uncomfortable, being sat next to one of the other students that didn't have anyone who wanted to sit next to them (a tall annoying kid who breathed heavy and apparently didn't use deodorant) the ride couldn't end fast enough. But now, sitting next to Hinata, listening to him recount all his favorite animals at the zoo, Kageyama thought that two hours wasn't enough time.   
  
      He vaguely noticed Hinata twisting in his seat to face him better. And better yet, himself moving to rest his back against the bus window, folding his leg and placing his arm on his knee while he listened to Hinata talk. He barely noticed the way his eyes would dip down to watch Hinata's lips as he talked.   
  
      But he did notice the way that the orange light of the setting sun made Hinata's face glow. He noticed how each time he made even the smallest comment about an animal, Hinata's face would light up and he'd continue talking all over again. And he noticed how it felt like his heart was beating out of his chest and he just wanted to stay in this moment forever.   
  
      And just as the bus entered a short tunnel under an overpass, Kageyama leaned in and pressed his lips against Hinata's.   
  
      The dark of the tunnel concealed them from the rest of the bus and each other. Kageyama hadn't meant to plan it that way but it worked out for the better. The kiss, just like the darkness, only lasted a few seconds, but it was more than Kageyama had ever dreamed of. It was soft and warm and it sent coils of happiness down Kageyama's spine and into his gut and out through his hands and feet and everywhere throughout his body. To him it was perfect and he immediately wanted to do it again.   
  
      He quickly pulled away just as they came out of the tunnel. The sudden sun melted away all the gooey feelings that had accumulated in Kageyama once he saw Hinata's confused face.   
  
      Panic, pure panic settled into Kageyama chest like an icy weight pressing on his heart. But just as he opened his mouth to apologize, he saw the faintest of smiles form on Hinata's face just before they were plunged back into darkness.  
  
      The second tunnel under the overpass lasted a few seconds but these seconds felt more like hours. Frantic to know if he had just ruined the only friendship he'd managed to make, Kageyama stared at the black space where he knew Hinata's face was.   
  
      Out of the tunnel, the sun showed the beaming smile on Hinata's face and the blush that started to form on his cheeks. Instantly, the panic disappeared and Kageyama let out a shaky breath. Just as they shared a smile, the bus entered one last tunnel under the overpass.   
  
      Almost immediately, Kageyama felt lips in his. The soft warm feeling of Hinata's lips were intensified by the pure bliss of knowing that Hinata was kissing him. The hesitancy and tenderness in the kiss made Kageyama's knees weak and stomach flutter. He wanted to feel like that forever.   
  
      Too soon they were plunged back into sunlight, forcing them apart. Kageyama's eyes fluttered open, not even sure when he closed them, to see Hinata looking as floaty and blissful as he felt.  
  
      “I'm gay,” Kageyama breathed after a few moments of quiet.   
  
      “Yeah,” Hinata laughed softly. “I got that.”  
  
      “I'm gay, and I like you,” Kageyama whispered.   
  
      “Yeah, I got that too,” Hinata smiled.   
  
      “I like you a lot,” Kageyama said softly.   
  
      “I...like you a lot too,” Hinata grinned.   
  
      “Good,” Kageyama nodded. “I want to kiss you again.”  
  
      “Not here,” Hinata blushed glancing around at the bus full of their classmates who were thankfully not paying them any attention.   
  
      “Ok,” Kageyama agreed leaning back. He moved to sit facing forward in the seat when he felt Hinata's hand take his. Slowly, he threaded their fingers together, and Kageyama noticed that both of their palms were sweaty. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad that people liked the switch to Kags' POV! I was a little nervous because I don't really often write stories with switching POVs but I hope that it doesn't become confusing. as of right now, the next chapters are going to be in Kageyama's POV until chapter 17 where there will be a switch back to Hinata, and then from then on i'm not sure how the switching back and forth will go, but there will be more of Kag's POV as the story continues.  
> A few of you have asked me how long I think the story is going to be, and honestly I have no idea. I have a loose outline that i follow, but most of the time i'm letting the story work itself out as I go. But I can say that this story is going to be long. very long.  
> *warning* descriptions of sexual situations, use of drugs, and descriptions of genre related gore

* * *

      “We're going to split everyone up so we can search the whole camp at once,” Daichi instructed loudly. 

      Kageyama stood in his tactical clothes and boots, with his thumbs hanging off the pockets in his pants as he listened to Daichi talk to the group of border patrol and SMU members outside the main building. Everyone from the camp, all 438 non-military members and other military personnel, were escorted into the dining hall under the guise of a training exercise in case the camp walls were ever breached.

      Members of Border Patrol, Coast Guard, the entirety of SMU and the Armory all stood out in a group listening to Daichi speak on the stairs to the main building. Standing with his fellow members of SMU, Kageyama looked between the Daichi and his subordinate leaders of the different divisions. 

      “That being said,” Daichi continued, “our perimeters can't be unguarded even now so we are putting other members of MAPs on the border. All those from the Coast Guard will remain at their posts and expand the area which they guard to the land borders as well. We are going to be stretched thin, but the faster we all work the faster we can get back to normal.” Daichi looked to his left where Iwaizumi stood.

      “Alright,” Iwaizumi said taking a small step forward. He put his hands on his hips as he addressed the group. “The members that are here will be split up into teams of three and assigned a specific area to search. It is pivotal that the teams stay together. If something or someone is found, two members must stay with whatever it or they are and send the third member to alert Lieutenant Oikawa,” he placed his hand on Oikawa's shoulder next to him, “who will be stationed here.”

      “Now as for your weapons,” Kuroo said once Iwaizumi finished. “We have decided that all of you equipped with guns, running around the camp, in a hunt for God knows what, is a pretty fucking dumb decision. Friendly fire is not something we take lightly and half of you are known as trigger happy dipshits.” A light chuckle ran through the crowd. “Also the armory can't spare that load of guns and the Forge can't make the bullets fast enough. Therefore, each team of three will be given a solar powered flashlight and either one of our modified bats, or knife of some sort. Teams that will be assigned outdoor sections with have the option of a crossbow.”

      “Now I would just like to reiterate how vital it is the other members of our camp remain unaware of this,” Daichi said. “This needs to be simply a drill to them. Panic feeds fear, and fear leads to disaster. The best thing for them is them to think we have everything under control.”

      “Now, I'm going to split you up into groups of three,” Iwaizumi said tucked his hands into the space between his tactical vest and T-shirt. Kageyama took a deep breath, hoping that whatever team he was on didn't have Hinata on it. “Tanaka, Kenma, you're with me, we're going take the furthest east most section of gate.”

      “Got it,” Tanaka nodded. Kenma only sighed but didn't protest. 

      “Next, Tsukishima, Kageyama and—” Kageyama held his breath “—Hinata. You'll take the westernmost point searching by The Tower and the immediate surrounding area.”

      “Yes sir,” Hinata said. Kageyama chanced a glance at him from on the other side of Kenma, and saw that Hinata was staring up at Iwaizumi looking marginally displeased. 

      The ringing of Hinata's name in Kageyama's ears drowned out Iwaizumi's voice and the rest of his instruction. The last person he wanted to spend anymore alone time with was Hinata and of course that's exactly who was chosen to go with him. His throat suddenly felt dry and constricted, and his fingers clenched into fists at his side. 

      “Relax,” Tsukishima whispered harshly. “Can you stop freaking out for five minutes?”

      “I'm…” Kageyama breathed, in clenching his fists. 

      “You're all gritty and angry and you need to calm down,” Tsukishima said flatly. 

      “I'm calm,” Kageyama lied. The tightness in chest made him feel otherwise. 

_       He hates me and now I have to work with him again. I don't think I can. I need to tell Daichi that he has to move me from this unit. I'll go work on border patrol. I can't be here with him anymore. I can't. I can't. I c— _

      “Kageyama?” 

      His thoughts came to a screeching halt. Not having noticed that his vision went blurry, his eyes swam into focus. Tsukishima stood in front of him with his eyebrows furrowed and his hand on his shoulder. 

      “We need to start walking,” Tsukishima said looking at him with masked concern. Kageyama had known his friend for too long to not see through the scowl and curt tone. 

      “R-right, of course,” Kageyama nodded. 

      “I took the crossbow,” Hinata said walking over to them, strapping the crossbow across his back. “We should start heading out, we have quite a walk.”

      “You're right, let's go,” Kageyama said walking forward not checking to see if they were following behind. 

      The walk towards The Tower was arduous at best. At worst, Kageyama felt the hot August sun burning his skin with each step which felt like nothing compared to the frigid tension between him and Hinata walking just slightly in front of him. 

      Trying with almost painful concentration to focus on looking around him for any sign of anything out of the ordinary, Kageyama found that unbelievably difficult as his eyes kept straying the creamy expanse of the back of Hinata's neck. Every so often he'd feel Tsukishima jab him hard in the side, getting his attention focused back on the task at hand. But only after a few seconds his eyes would involuntarily find their place back on Hinata. 

* * *

      Closing his eyes, Kageyama tossed back his head as he felt himself let go and melt into rhythm. His hands gripped at the sweat slicked hips underneath him as he thrust himself deeper and deeper into the pulsating warmth. He bit his lip, tumbling closer and closer to orgasm. With a few shuddering gasps, he empty himself into the condom, milking the heat around him for all he could. 

      Bending forward, he leaned his forehead on the warm sweaty back in front of him slowly trying to regain his breath. After a long moment he carefully pulled out, the excess lube dripping down the creamy pale thighs between his legs. He shuffled backwards on the small dorm bed and pulled off the condom, tying it and chucking it in the bin by the computer desk. 

      Kageyama reached for his discarded clothes on the floor and started redressing, putting on his gray sweatpants and navy Tshirt. He ran a hand through his sweaty hair as he rummaged through the pocket of his jacket. Feeling for the handful of loose change he had left in there. 

      “I'll be right back,” Kageyama said behind him slipping on his shoes. He left his dorm, quietly closing the door behind him with a soft click. 

      Letting out a heavy breath, Kageyama leaned his head back against the door. Footsteps coming down the hall jarred him out of his thoughts and started walking down the hall. Stopping by the vending machines he fed coins into the slot one at a time. The clinking metal piercing the dull silence of the college dorm hall at 2am. 

      “Hey Kageyama!” 

      The sudden loud bright girly voice startled him, making him drop the coins in his hands, sending money rolling everywhere. Next to him was his dorm neighbor: a small, hyper literature major whose big, brown eyes looked up with extreme excitement at Kageyama. 

      “Oh sorry, sorry,” the girl said getting down on the floor to help him pick up the coins. “I didn't mean to scare you and make you drop your stuff.”

      “It's ok,” Kageyama said kneeling on the floor and picking up the coins from around the machines. 

      “Here you go Kageyama,” she said standing up. He got up off the floor and slipped the other coins back into his pocket. 

      “Thanks Sakura,” Kageyama said taking the money from her hands. 

      “No problem!” Sakura beamed up at him. She tucked some loose hair behind her ear then she quickly fiddled with the hem of her gauzey white tank. “So,” she said watching him continue feeding coins into the slot, “late night studying?” 

      “Huh?” Kageyama hummed at her, pressing the buttons for the item he wanted. 

      “It's like 2am,” she giggled. “Usually people are up this late in December because of finals. So, late night studying?”

      “Um no,” Kageyama swallowed, picking up the bag of chips from the collection slot at the bottom of the vending machine. 

      “Oh,” she said deflated. “Well, I guess that's just the college thing of staying up right?” she asked smiling up at him. 

      “Yeah I guess so,” Kageyama said slipping more coins into the slot. 

      “I'm not really into the all nighters thing anyway,” Sakura continued swinging her shoulders slightly. “I like to get my beauty rest you know.” She fluttered her eyes at him as she pulled down her tank top ever so slightly exposing more of her limited cleavage. 

      “I don't really sleep well,” Kageyama said pressing the buttons for another bag of chips. 

      “Oh you should try drinking some tea!” Sakura chirped. “I have all sorts of teas in my dorm. If you're ever feeling tired but you can't sleep you can always come over to my dorm. I'll make you tea and I have really good tea cookies.”

      “Thanks, I'll um...come get tea one day maybe,” Kageyama said awkwardly picking up the second bag of chips from the slot. 

      “Really!? Oh I mean,” she fixed herself, adjusting her shirt to sit a little lower, “that would be fun. It's–it’s a date then.”

      “Sure,” Kageyama nodded turning to walk back down the hall to his dorm. 

      “I'll see you later Kageyama!” she called out to him as he walked over to his dorm door. 

      With the hand that wasn't carrying the two bags of chips, he opened his door to his dorm and was greeted with a chilly breeze and a billow of smoke. 

      “Happy birthday,” Tsukishima said blowing out smoke and sticking out his hand towards Kageyama offering him the lit joint. He was propped up against the bed laying on the floor in one of Kageyama's sweatpants. 

      “Thanks,” Kageyama said flatly tossing the bags of chips at him, as he closed the door with his foot. Tsukishima caught a bag inelegantly, almost dropping the joint on his lap. 

      “Dude,” Tsukishima said annoyed. “If you want me to drop the j I can but let me actually get high first.”

      “Give me that,” Kageyama said kicking off his shoes and plopping down in the floor next to him. He took the joint from Tsukishima's hands and brought it up to his mouth, took a long drag before handing it back. “Thanks,” he said releasing the smoke in Tsukishima's face. 

      “Shotgunning is more fun when the other person's mouth is open,” Tsukishima coughed. 

      “But it annoys you less,” Kageyama smirked opening a bag of chips. 

      “Speaking of annoying,” Tsukishima said taking another drag from the joint. “Was that your girlfriend I heard screeching out there?”

      “She's not my girlfriend,” Kageyama grimaced eating a chip.

      “Well if she is, we were just cheating,” Tsukishima snarked, taking a chip from the open bag. “I think I'm gonna tell her. I wonder if she'll hit me.”

      “You're such a dick,” Kageyama frowned grabbing the joint out of Tsukishima's hand. “And if she doesn't already know then she's deaf. You're loud.” He brought the joint up to his mouth and took a long drag.

      He glanced down at Tsukishima's lips as he leaned forward. Moving the joint away, he held the smoke in his mouth before connecting their lips together. Tsukishima sucked out the smoke, licking along the seam of Kageyama's mouth. They separated, letting the smoke out between them. 

      “See it's better this way,” Tsukishima said taking another chip from the bag. 

      “I guess so,” Kageyama shrugged. “I like blowing it in your face too.” 

      “You like blowing it on my face,” Tsukishima said placing the joint down on the small ceramic ashtray. “In case you didn't get it, that was a cum joke.”

      “Yeah I got it,” Kageyama rolled his eyes. 

      “So what's the plan for the rest of the,” Tsukishima looked down at his phone, “21 hours and 37 minutes of your birthday?” 

      “Um,” Kageyama gestured around the cluttered dorm room. “This?”

      “Wow,” Tsukishima shook his head disapprovingly. “19 and already boring.”

      “I'm not boring,” Kageyama frowned. 

      “Oh excuse me, I meant pathetic. Is that better?” Tsukishima said sarcastically. 

      “I'm not pathetic either,” Kageyama said elbowing Tsukishima in his shirtless side. 

      “Ow you brute,” Tsukishima groaned rubbing his side. “So violent.”

      “Whatever,” Kageyama shrugged lifting the bag of chips up to his mouth and tapping the bottom so the crumbs would fall into his mouth. Some of the crumbs missed his mouth and fell on to his shirt. He wiped them off with his greasy hand. 

      “I don't understand what that girl sees in you,” Tsukishima grimaced eyeing Kageyama. 

      “I'm the epitome of sexiness,” Kageyama said with a straight face.

      “Oh yeah,” Tsukishima agreed sarcastically. He frowned at Kageyama as he started on his second bag of chips. “You're gross.”

      “I know,” Kageyama nodded crunching a chip loudly in his face. 

      “Wanna make out again?” Tsukishima propositioned. 

      “Sure,” Kageyama nodded setting aside the bag of chips on top of the desk. 

      He wiped his hands on his shirt before leaning over and kissing Tsukishima. Bringing his hands up to his neck, Kageyama pulled Tsukishima closer to him. Opening his lips with a dragging lick of his tongue, Kageyama pushed his way into Tsukishima's mouth, rolling their tongues together. 

      “You taste like weed and potato chips,” Tsukishima whispered, separating their mouths wetly as Kageyama continued to kiss at his jaw. 

      “That's better than tasting like ass,” Kageyama murmured, connecting their mouths again. 

      Languidly moving their lips together, Kageyama slid his hand down from Tsukishima's neck onto his chest. Continually moving his hand lower until he dipped under the waistband of his sweats that Tsukishima was wearing. Just as he began to rub at his growing dick, he felt Tsukishima's cold hands dip under his shirt and slowly work their way up to his nipple. 

      “Unnnn,” Kageyama groaned pulling away and smacking at Tsukishima's hands. “Your hands are cold.”

      “What did you expect?” Tsukishima frowned. “I'm sitting here shirtless with the window open so the fire alarm doesn't go off.”

      “Ugh! Your complaining is ruining my buzz,” Kageyama groaned getting up from the floor. “Put out the joint, close the window and get under the covers.”

      “Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean you get to boss me around,” Tsukishima grumbled doing what Kageyama told him to anyway. “Move over,” he huffed turning off the desk lamp and nudging Kageyama with his knee. 

      “Be nice to me, it's my birthday,” Kageyama said shifting over on the bed so Tsukishima could crawl up next to him. 

      “I'll suck your dick, is that nice enough?” Tsukishima mumbled tucking himself against Kageyama's side. 

      “That'll do,” Kageyama said noncommittally, wrapping his arm around Tsukishima and pulling him closer. 

      The cool December air still floated around the small dorm providing a low chill to the room. The hum of the heater working to compensate for the cold air was the only other noise in the room besides their slow breathing. Soft distant light from the campus lights filtered down through the blinds and landed in shredded ribbons on the thick comforter covering the two boys. 

      “You should date her,” Tsukishima whispered after a long time of them laying in silence. 

      “What? Why?” Kageyama said furrowing his brow. 

      “Sakura’s nice, smart enough, and for some reason she actually likes you,” Tsukishima explained. 

      “Ok,” Kageyama said slowly. “Not to mention she's a girl and I'm really gay.”

      “So?” Tsukishima shrugged. “It's not like your last gay relationship went spectacularly.” Kageyama's face dropped and he felt colder despite their shared body heat. 

      “I'm not dating anyone,” Kageyama said flatly. “And you have no idea what you're talking about so don't bring that up again.”

      “I know he's a touchy topic for you but you've gotta move on,” Tsukishima said twisting around to lean up in his elbows. 

      “I have,” Kageyama said, moving his arm out from around Tsukishima and turned his body slightly away from him. 

      “So you'd rather sulk every time you remember your ex?” Tsukishima frowned. “That's stupid.”

      “I'm not sulking,” Kageyama sulked, thumbing the inside of his left wrist. “I'm just choosing not to be cheerful. Because I'm not expecting myself to be all happy and whatever.”

      “So you're just gonna brood instead?” Tsukishima asked disapprovingly. “Be miserable every time you have a negative thought. Shut out every opportunity to move on. Just because?”

      “Yeah,” Kageyama grumbled. 

      “Don't you think that's a terrible plan?”

* * *

      “Don't you think that's a terrible plan?”

      The question was directed at Kageyama but he had no idea of the context. Memories that had quickly flooded into his head, left just as rapidly. Reality swam into focus in front of him, and he saw two sets of faces looking expectantly at him. 

      “Sorry,” Kageyama shook his head, clearing him of all residual memories. “What plan again?”

      “Hinata's plan,” Tsukishima said looking at Kageyama with fleeting concern. “The one where we split up and search different parts of The Tower and surrounding area.”

      “It's not a terrible plan,” Hinata frowned. 

      “Oh but it really is though,” Tsukishima laughed dryly. 

      “Splitting up would allow us to cover more ground faster than if we did it all together,” Hinata reasoned. “Also it'd be more difficult for whatever we're looking for to run from us if there's three to hide from instead of one group.”

      “This isn't Scooby Doo, spitting up the gang isn't a good idea,” Tsukishima snarked. “It's idiotic.”

      “And what would you have us do?” Hinata bit back. “Walk around in a group making as much noise as possible? Yeah that's really smart.”

      “Enough,” Kageyama said raising his voice to be heard over the both of them. “We're not spitting up. We're going to do our sweeps together, carefully and quietly.”

      “This is ridiculous,” Hinata huffed. “You're only disagreeing with my plan because it's  _ my plan _ .”

      “If that's what you want to think, sure. I don't really care,” Kageyama said dismissively. 

      He looked around the rocky grassy area where they stopped. Only a few meters away from the entrance to The Tower, the once bustling area where the base of both the Watch Guards and the Coast Guards, now lay in an eerie quiet. Trucks and tanks lay locked down and covered in tarps mimicking the bulging rock landscape of the waterside. 

      Kageyama had never seen this part of the camp abandoned and dormant. It almost made him think of what the camp looked like before it was repopulated; vacant and cold even in the hottest of summers. The trees looked darker somehow, and The Tower more unfriendly than usual. Everything seem tainted by the mission and Kageyama couldn't believe it, but a part of him was scared. 

      “We should start on The Tower first,” Kageyama said in his best commanding voice, hope he didn't sound as nervous as he was. “That way we can use the Watch Guards look out post to get a better look of the surrounding area before we go checking it out.”

      “Ok,” Tsukishima nodded looking up at The Tower. 

      “Fine,” Hinata said rolling his eyes and lifting the crossbow to sit on his shoulder. 

      “Alright,” Kageyama said pulling out his small hunting knife from its holster on his hip. “Hinata you take point since you have the crossbow. You see anything, you shoot. Tsukishima, I'll go behind you but you've gotta also keep an eye out for anything suspicious. I'll be watching our backs. Clear?”

      “Got it,” they both said in varying degrees of annoyance. 

      “Ok,” Kageyama said taking a deep breath. “Let’s move out.” 

      They quickly fell into their formation, checking the perimeter of The Tower before entering through the front. With Hinata leading the way, pointing his crossbow at whatever lie ahead, Kageyama felt almost confident in their ability to run their operation smoothly. Quietly they opened door after door in the repurposed lighthouse, checking every corner before searching the rooms. 

      They climbed the spiraling stairs up The Tower until the reached the pinnacle. The sun, having already risen for well over several hours, had already begun baking the metal railing creating a ring of searing heat around them. The relief of the shade in the cover of the west side of the lighthouse was second to the relief of not finding anything. 

      “Nothing here, so what now?” Hinata asked looking between them, setting down his crossbow. 

      “We use our vantage point to decide the best place proceed first,” Kageyama sighed. Tsukishima nodded and walked over to set of binoculars the Watch Guards had left out. 

      “And what if we find nothing?” Hinata question. “What then?”

      “Then we return and report back that our section was clear,” Kageyama said like it was obvious. “We follow the orders.”

      “But what if we find nothing and everyone else finds nothing?” Hinata continued. “What if we've been searching for something that's already gone. Or worse already assimilated into our group? What then?”

      “I don't understand why you're asking me all this,” Kageyama frowned. “It's not like I get the final word. We just need to do our part right now and worry about the later part later.”

      "But what if we miss something?” Hinata pressed. “Something important. What if we make a mistake and everyone has to pay for it?”

      “Well worrying about that right now isn't going to solve anything,” Kageyama said getting annoyed. “Just look for the best place to start our search. Somewhere with a lead.”

      “I don't think that's going to be a problem,” Tsukishima said flatly from a little further around the gallery. 

      Turning towards where Tsukishima was standing, they both walked over to him with matching looks of concern. Taking the binoculars from his hand, Kageyama looked through them at the area where he had been focusing on. Despite living in what qualified as a post apocalyptic world and having seen his fair share of horrors, it still took him a few seconds to process what he was seeing. 

      “Fuck,” Kageyama breathed. 

      Just a bit further down the rocky beach, past the denser part of the tree line, Kageyama could see what looked like stripes of red painting the shore. It wasn't hard to make out the bits and pieces of the Coast Guards littering the ground. Innards and all sorts of indistinguishable body parts were strewn everywhere making it impossible to tell if it was pieces of 2 or 20 people. 

      Shards of boats floated lamely in the water. Bloody hand prints on wood and pools of guts tinted the surrounding water with slight red tinge. 

      “What is it?” Hinata asked worriedly. 

      “I think we found something,” Kageyama swallowed setting down the binoculars. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how about that past TsukkiKage? my weakness tbh  
> also, the next few chapters the shit is gonna get real man. plus lots more genre related violence and gore. I'm not sure how many times i've typed the word blood but it's a lot lol


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sure someone will find something wrong with this chapter too. whatever.   
> there a lot of gore in this chapter, feel free to complain about that too.

      “Ok so we need a plan because obviously we can’t go in there guns blazing when we don't know what kind of numbers we're up against, and we don't even have any guns,” Tsukishima said as rationally as he could. 

      “I think we should go back and inform Lieutenant Oikawa,” Hinata said. “That's what Iwaizumi instructed us to do and it's probably the best idea.”

      “But is it safe for just one of us to run back?” Kageyama question them feeling like he already knew the answer. 

      “Do we have much of a choice?” Hinata sighed looking up at Kageyama. 

      “Ok,” Kageyama nodded. “I'll go.”

      “You can't, you're the commanding officer,” Tsukishima said frowning. “You have to stay, to keep a lookout and make decisions.”

      “I'll go,” Hinata said earning a scowl from the both of them. “I'm the fastest runner out of the three of us and I can get there quickest.”

      “You're also the best shot,” Kageyama said seriously. “You have to stay.”

      “And that leaves me,” Tsukishima sighed annoyed. 

      “Yeah,” Kageyama exhaled. They shared a resigned look. “I'm going to be watching with the binoculars as far as I can. Don't stop for anything. Remember to tell Oikawa to send the medics, maybe we can save… just make sure they come too.”

      “I know,” Tsukishima nodded. He turned and looked out towards the grassy area with the worn in dirt road he had to follow back to camp. 

      “Be careful,” Kageyama said placing his hand on Tsukishima's shoulder. 

      “I always am,” Tsukishima said dismissively, but was contradicted by the way he held onto Kageyama's arm for a moment. 

      Without another word, Tsukishima turned around and jogged down the spiral steps leading up to the outside gallery. Leaning over the edge, Kageyama watched through the binoculars as Tsukishima ran off down the dirt road back towards camp. Kageyama held him in his sights for as long as he until until the density of the trees blocked his view. 

      “He's going back to camp,” Kageyama said lowering the binoculars. “I can't see him anymore but nothing had attacked him so far.” He turned to look at Hinata and saw that his eyes were fixed on the field of red in the distance. 

      Kageyama had an overwhelming urge to comfort Hinata, in any way. The reflex to put his hand on his shoulder was almost too powerful to ignore. But he knew that any bit of comfort would be met with contempt, and so he forced himself to be restrained. 

      “How many people were there?” Hinata said quietly after a moment. He looked up at Kageyama and he could see the beginning of tears forming in his eyes. “How many people were sent to that section?”

      “I'm not sure,” Kageyama said thickly. “I think the Coast Guards were going to remain at their posts. So, 12? Maybe even 18?”

      “Could it really have been just one of the CRITS?” Hinata asked wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. 

      “I think there's more,” Kageyama said forcing his eyes away from Hinata. “Maybe three or five.” 

      “How could so many CRITS slip in? Past Border Patrol? Past everyone?” Hinata questioned, a faint hysteria in his voice. 

      “I don't know,” Kageyama swallowed. “But I've never never seen CRITS kill like this.”

* * *

 

      His mouth ran dry as he stared at the television. The sounds of dozens of phones ringing behind the broadcasting camera made the news anchor difficult to hear. Her impassioned but very nervous words pierced like teeth as Kageyama listened, shocked, taking in every word. 

      “Aw dude, come on,” Tsukishima said closing the front door behind him with his foot, carrying in the bag of takeout in his hands. “You're not still seriously wallowing in her stuff? It's been months.”

      Kageyama didn't answer. His eyes were glued to the TV. It didn't matter that he had been sitting in the living room floor for hours or that he was hungry or that he needed to use the bathroom. He couldn't leave the TV. He was in shock. 

      “Look I got us some Thai food,” Tsukishima continued, placing the bag on their small dining table. “We are going to eat and watch a movie and we are going to forget about Sakura for one whole night.”

      Kageyama knew that Tsukishima was talking to him, but it was like he was hearing him deep underwater; distant and warbled. Video caught by civilians played on the screen like a horror film, so bad he couldn't look away. It all just seemed too unreal. 

      “Are you seriously ignoring me right n—”

      “Shut up, I'm trying to watch the news,” Kageyama said interrupting him. 

      “Did you just—”

      “Shut up,” Kageyama hushed again. 

      “I'm going to fuc—”

      “Look!” Kageyama yelled finally tearing his eyes away from the television and looking up at a shocked Tsukishima. He pointed at the television which was playing a video shot by someone in a small cafe. 

_       “The footage you are seeing has not been doctored or edited or manipulated in any way. We are playing the video as it was sent to us minutes after the occurrence. We must warn you that what you are about to see is incredibly graphic and disturbing. What you're seeing may not be suitable for young children and those with weak constitutions. What you're seeing is real.” _

      The scene was too horrible to imagine. A woman, appearing to be in her late 30’s stumbled into the cafe screaming after a series of loud bangs and yells coming from the outside. She collapsed on the floor, dragging her right leg behind her. It looked like it had been mauled by a wild animal, missing pieces of flesh and muscle, exposing bone and trailing pools of blood. 

      She frantically grabbed at the nearest person who hadn't already run away, crying out for help, for anyone to save her. Desperate, she pulled at a teenage boy’s hand, begging him to help her. He withdrew his hand from her grip screaming as he ran toward the back of the restaurant. From the open doorway, another figure came into view. 

      A hunched over man with undeterminable characteristics crowded the doorway heaving and huffing. His face, hands, and shirt were caked in blood, both fresh and old. He leered in the doorway before pouncing on the injured woman, causing her and everyone else in the cafe to scream. It was clear that as he grabbed onto her leg, he began ripping off chunks with his teeth, chewing and swallowing each bite like a savage beast, with no care for her screams. And as the person filming ran out towards the back of the cafe, the recording stopped. 

      They both watch on in silence as the anchor came back, talking about the source of the footage and the other dozens of videos they've already received just like it. Soon the information became too much and it all began to blur. Kageyama's head swam with images of blood and panic and his ears the sounds of the people screaming— such horrible screaming. 

      He felt Tsukishima sink down onto the floor next to him. Distantly his felt his hand take his, Tsukishima's palm covered in a cold sweat.

* * *

 

      “Are they back yet?” Hinata asked craning his neck to see if he could catch a glimpse of anything between the trees. 

      “Obviously not,” Kageyama said shortly, looking at his binoculars and the bloody mess on the shore. It was so horrific he couldn't look away. 

      “When do you think they'll be back?” Hinata said leaning his arms on the gallery railing, resting the crossbow on the floor. 

      “I don't know,” Kageyama said flatly. 

      “Well how long would it take them to get reinforcements and then come back?”

      “I don't know!” Kageyama yelled at him, his voice reverberating through the forest. The silence afterwards was more deafening than his yell. 

      Hinata stared up at him with look of slight horror on his face, clearly not having anticipated being screamed at. Almost instantly Kageyama felt horrible. He knew that he and Hinata dealt with horrors in different ways. And he knew that his method isolated those around him and he shouldn't have yelled. But he was going to refuse to apologize. 

      “What is fucking wrong with you?” Hinata bit out angrily. “Why do you have to yell at me all the time?”

      “I don't—”

      “Yes, you do,” Hinata pressed. “You yelled at me on our mission, you yelled at me last night and you're yelling at me now!”

      “I–I didn't—”

      “Do you just get off on being a dick to me!?” Hinata said raising his voice. “Or are you just an asshole in general? Because it seems to me like I'm getting special treatment.”

      “You're not getting special treatment,” Kageyama snapped back. 

      “Really? Then stop treating me like I'm an idiot, asshole!” Hinata screamed taking a step forward. 

      “Stop acting like one!” Kageyama yelled back standing closer. 

      “You're such a dick,” Hinata snarled getting in Kageyama's face. He could feel Hinata's breathing on his collarbones and the electricity from his skin.

      “And you're not much better trust me,” Kageyama spat out leaning forward in anger. 

      “You're the worst person I've ever met,” Hinata growled out, his face so close to Kageyama's, that he could feel each of Hinata's words move across his face. 

      “Oh trust me, I can be worse,” Kageyama said lowering his voice to a deadly whisper. 

      “I hate you,” Hinata spoke so quietly and forcefully that had Kageyama not been leaning in so close he might not have heard it. 

      “Shut the fuck up,” Kageyama bit out, their faces so close he could feel the spark of the skin on Hinata's nose graze his. 

      “Make me,” Hinata breathed his voice losing most of its bite. 

      The stirring in Kageyama's gut that began as a low and angry churning, now was hot and all consuming. He could barely remember what they started yelling about or why they were angry or where they were or why they were there. All he could think about is how hot Hinata's body felt next to his and how close they were standing and how easy it would be to just press their lips together. 

      He could feel Hinata's fingertips graze his hand and he wanted so much to unfurl his fingers and take his hand. Feeling heady and too warm, Kageyama could barely breathe. Despite them standing on the gallery at the top of the open air lighthouse, he felt confined and far too close to Hinata. 

      The tip of his nose touched along Hinata's and his could feel the heat of Hinata's breath on his lips. He opened his mouth a minuscule amount, unsure if to speak or not, but there were no words in his throat. He could see in his periphery Hinata's eyes glancing down at his lips. 

      “HELP!”

      A piercing scream shattered them from their haze. They whipped their heads around, breaking apart, and looked in the general direction of the scream. 

      “HELP PLEASE SOMEBODY!”

      Frantically grabbing at the binoculars Kageyama brought them up to eyes and searched the ground for the location of the voice. Sweeping his eyes over the forest he finally looked over at the bloodied shore where he was a member of the Coast Guard limping and holding his bloody arm up to his chest as he screamed for help. 

      “There's a man down there,” Kageyama said watching him through the binoculars. 

      “Who is he?” Hinata asked trying to see him. 

      “He's a Coast Guard,” Kageyama said putting aside the binoculars and walking around the gallery towards the stairs. 

      “Wait wait, where are you going!?” Hinata shouted running after him and grabbing his arm. 

      “I have to go down there!” Kageyama yelled back. “He's hurt, he needs help.”

      “We're supposed to wait for backup,” Hinata said forcefully. “It's not safe for you to just go running in there with only a fucking knife. What if whatever attacked him is there out there? What if it's just a ruse, and they are part of whatever snuck into the camp!?”

      “Or it's a member of this camp who's dying and I'm obviously the only one of us who's willing to help,” Kageyama bite out, ripping his arm from Hinata's grasp. 

      Not saying another word, Kageyama ran down the spiral staircase, ignoring Hinata's shouts above him. In his mind all he could see was the desperation in the Coast Guard’s face as he hobbled along the rocky shore. The blood and sweat caked on his skin and hair giving himself a look closer to death than to a man in need of help. But Kageyama ran through the entrance and towards the shore anyway. 

      The man's cries for help had not lessened but instead had grown louder and more hoarse in hysteria. As Kageyama ran closer to the man, he watched him collapse on the ground, cradling his bloodied arm, his leg now clearly broken amidst all the dirt and blood. Once he reached him, Kageyama fell to his knees, not sure what to do first as all of his medical training left him in and instant. 

      “C-can you hear me?” Kageyama asked, his hands hovering over the man’s body, looking for a place to touch first. 

      “Help me please,” the man whimpered. 

      “I–I can't do anything for you right now,” Kageyama said lamely. “But medics are on their way right now and they are going to bring you back to the Medical Center and patch you up.”

      “I won't...make it…” the man heaved lifting his head to look at Kageyama. It was obvious that in the struggle his face had be scratched up badly. 

      “You are,” Kageyama said with as much conviction in his voice as he could muster. “The medical team will be here any minute now and you'll be taken to safety.”

      “It's… too… late,” he said the gasping breaths, the light fading from his eyes. 

      “No, no it's not,” Kageyama insisted feeling frantic. 

      “It is… they told me… call for help,” he panted heavily. 

      “Who told you?” Kageyama asked feeling panic settle deep in his chest. 

      “Run,” he breathed before his eyes rolled back into his head and his face slammed down into the rocky ground unconscious. 

      It took Kageyama two painfully long seconds before he registered what he had said. He whipped his head around to look up at the gallery but he could no longer see Hinata up there. Panic flooded his veins and he quickly stood up from where he was kneeling. 

      Movement from the tree line next to him alerted him that he was not alone there on the rocky shore. Not waiting to stick around to find out what was waiting, Kageyama made a split second decision to run back to the lighthouse. Taking off at a sprint, Kageyama made a beeline for the entrance. But he didn't get far. 

      Footsteps, heavy and fast approaching trailed behind Kageyama as he ran towards The Tower. Not daring to look behind him, Kageyama ran as fast as he could hoping Hinata hadn't come after him. The sounds of someone rapidly closing and their labored growling breaths filled Kageyama's ears. 

      “KAGEYAMA DUCK,” he heard Hinata shout from the gallery above him. 

      Not needing to be told twice he dove into the patch of grass, getting out of the way as fast as he could. The whistle through the air of the arrow flew by his head milliseconds before he heard the telltale sickening crack of it being lodged in its head. Risking a look, Kageyama watching as it sank to its knees, still gnawing and gasping for him until it just stopped. 

      Taking a deep breath, he gripped the arrow and yanked it out of its head watching spurts of blood dribble onto the grass. Adrenaline still pumping through his veins, he frantically looked up at the gallery trying to see Hinata over the railing. Catching a glimpse of Hinata's crossbow he exhaled heavily forcing himself to relax and think clearly. 

      Kageyama turned around, scanning over the area where he just ran from. He had only narrowly escaped thanks to Hinata's sharpshooting. It all seemed almost too close for comfort for his liking. To have one of the CRITS show up and chase him right after the Coast Guard told him to run. If Kageyama was feeling wary of the situation before, now he was completely on alert. 

      “Hinata!” he called up, cupping his hands over his mouth. “Hinata!”

      “Are you ok!?” Hinata yelled down, leaning over the railing. 

      “I'm fine!” Kageyama shouted back. “Hinata do you see any more CRITS?”

      “No!” he yelled scanning the horizon. “Kageyama come back up here it's not safe!”

      “I'm coming up hold on,” Kageyama called up. 

      He gripped the arrow in hand and scanned the shoreline on last time. The unease in his gut hadn't lessened and he had a terrible feeling that there more definitely more CRITS waiting in the tree line. He only didn't know why they were waiting to attack. He'd never seen them attack like that before. Like they had a plan. 

      Making beeline for The Tower entrance he barely crosses the threshold before he slammed the door behind him. Searching for anything he could prop the door closed with, he grabbed the nearest chair and stuck the back under the handle preventing it from being opened. He took the steps two at a time until he made it back up to the gallery. 

      “Are you alright? Did you get hurt?” Hinata asked as soon as he stepped outside. 

      “I'm fine,” Kageyama exhaled heavily handing him back the bloodied arrow. 

      “Thanks,” Hinata said sticking it in the quiver behind his back. “You shouldn't have gone down there. That was really stupid.”

      “Yeah well,” Kageyama frowned walking further into the gallery away from Hinata. “How was I supposed to know one was waiting to come chase me?”

      “Me! I fucking told you!” Hinata shouted from behind him. 

      “Well good for you!” Kageyama yelled back, snapping his head around to glare at Hinata. 

      “Why the fuck are you yelling at me I just saved your fucking life!” Hinata screamed shoving Kageyama's shoulder. 

      “I guess we're even now!” Kageyama shouted in response giving Hinata and even harder shove.

      “It's not about getting even you dipshit, you shouldn't have put yourself in that position in the first place,” Hinata snarled. 

      “Fine, you're right. Is that what you want me to say?” Kageyama said angrily. 

      “No, I know that I'm right,” Hinata bit out. “I just need you to fucking listen from now on.” 

      “Yeah, I'll get right on that,” Kageyama said caustically. 

      “God I fucking h—”

      “You hate me, I know,” Kageyama interrupted annoyed. “You're a broken record. I already know this. And guess what? I don't give a fuck.”

      “Oh you're gonna give a fuck when I break your nose,” Hinata growled. 

      “Is that so?” Kageyama sneered. 

      “You better—”

      “Kageyama! Hinata! Are you guys still up on The Tower?” Daichi called from down below.

      Between their yelling and bickering they hadn't heard the approach of the other MAPs members. Kageyama ran to the railing and looked over the edge. The dozens of MAPs officers who had been scouring the camp, we're now all heading for the beach, guns at the ready. Leading the group was Daichi standing in the passenger seat of an open roofed jeep that was being skillfully driven by Iwaizumi. 

      “We're fine!” Kageyama shouted down, hoping he was heard over the noise. 

      “Good! Tell Hinata to stay up there and be our eyes in the sky, shoot any CRITS he sees,” Dachi shouted. Kageyama nodded just as Daichi left earshot. 

      “What did he say?” Hinata asked coming to stand right behind him. 

      “He said you should stay up here and shoot if you see any CRITS,” he said going around Hinata and heading for the exit to the stairs. 

      “Wait wait, where are you going?” Hinata asked frantically, grabbing Kageyama's arm before he could leave. 

      “I have to go back down there, I have to help,” Kageyama said like it was obvious. 

      “No you don't, you just barely got away with your life. You can't possibly think you should endanger your life again?” 

      “What should I do then, huh?” Kageyama asked getting annoyed. 

      “Stay up here,” Hinata said with a tinge panic in his voice. “Don't–don't go down there. I can't…”

      “There's dozens of people down there to be my backup,” Kageyama said with a level of softness that even surprised himself. “I need to go help. But I'm not going to die.” He held Hinata's eyes as he watched his words sink in. The grip on his arm tightened fractionally as Hinata processed what he said. 

      “I'll be watching from up here,” Hinata said after a second. His hand released Kageyama's arm but he didn't step back. 

      For a moment neither of them could sense anything beyond each other. Had Kageyama not just argued with Hinata for almost every moment they'd been alone, he might have thought that Hinata cared for him. Just for one moment, he allowed himself to hope that Hinata had something other besides obviously palpable disdain for him. That maybe, just maybe, Hinata had feelings for him. 

      “I'll see you later,” Kageyama said thickly. Hinata only nodded in response. Turning away from him, Kageyama jogged down the stairs letting out a heavy, shaky exhale.

* * *

 

      “Hey.” 

      Kageyama looked up from the notebook on his lap to see Hinata walking over to him. Frowning he turned back down to his homework, ignoring the sound of the grass crunching under Hinata's shoes as he came closer. He was sat under their favorite tree in their usual place where they would meet up after school. 

      “I'm sorry Kageyama,” Hinata coming to a stop right in front of him. He sat down on the floor of grass, crossing his legs underneath him. “Please don't stay mad at me.”

      “I'm not mad,” Kageyama grumbled refusing to look up at his boyfriend. 

      “You always say that when you're mad,” Hinata mumbled sadly. Kageyama only frowned further and stared harder down at his notebook, no longer even seeing the page. “Please don't be mad at me. I told you that was going to happen. It's not my fault that it actually did.”

      “I don't want to talk about it,” Kageyama said tightly, gripping the pencil in his hand. 

      “They've been doing that to lots of people,” Hinata continued. “It's just a prank. A shitty, annoying prank. But just a prank.”

      “I said I didn't want to talk about it,” Kageyama said through gritted teeth staring hard down at his notebook in his lap. 

      “Please look at me,” Hinata asked touching Kageyama's chin. He fought Hinata's hand for a second but eventually begrudgingly lifted his head up. “Were you crying?”

      “No, shut up,” Kageyama scowled, rubbing his reddened eyes with the back of his hand. 

      “Kageyama, I didn't mean for you to cry, I'm so sorry,” Hinata said sounding more upset. “I didn't realize that it bothered you so much.”

      “Of course it bothered me,” Kageyama pouted, wiping his eyes. “I'm not as popular as you, I don't… I don't have any... friends. Not like you do.”

      “But you have friends,” Hinata said taking Kageyama's hand. “You're my best friend.”

      “That's different,” Kageyama frowned at him. 

      “But you are,” Hinata insisted. “Even though you're my boyfriend, you're also my best friend.”

      “But they don't know that,” Kageyama mumbled feeling more and more upset. “They don't know I'm your boyfriend. They don't even know we're friends.”

      “Kageyama we've been dating for over a year, I think people know we're friends,” Hinata rolled his eyes. “They've seen us talking in the hallway, eating lunch together, going home together.”

      “Ok fine, they know we're friends,” Kageyama sighed, annoyed. “That's not the point. The point is… to them… you're not dating anyone. So stuff like that happens…”

      “They were only playing a prank,” Hinata said reassuringly. “A stupid, dumb joke that wasn't funny. But if I didn't play along a little bit, it would have looked weird.”

      “...so you don't actually like her?” Kageyama asked cautiously after a minute. 

      “No of course not!” Hinata cried flabbergasted. “Why would you even think that?”

      “Well–well because you're always hanging out with her at school and those guys are always saying that you and her are totally into each other and then today when they pushed you two in that closet and they told everyone you guys were making out, I don't know I just thought… maybe…” Kageyama trailed off before he stirred himself up into a frenzy again. 

      “You thought I would kiss her just because those jerks said we would?” Hinata asked looking hurt. 

      “I don't know!” Kageyama groaned. “I just… she's so nice and smart and pretty and I'm none of those things. Plus you told me you'd never liked a guy before me so I thought maybe you’d like her more than me, or–or since your dad was harping on you about not having a girlfriend that maybe you'd… with her… I just…” He felt his eyes began to water regardless of how much he tried to fight it. “I knew you said that those guys would try to do something stupid like that, but… for a second I believed that you really were… you know… kissing her.”

      “You idiot,” Hinata shook his head. “You really think that I would cheat on you on some prank?”

      “I didn't think you would, I thought you were!”

      “You're an idiot!”

      “Well if you think that then go date—” his last words were muffled by Hinata grabbing the collar of his jacket and pulling him forward, connecting their lips in a hard kiss. 

      “You're an idiot,” Hinata whispered softly against his lips. “How could you think that I'd want anyone else than you?”

      “Because… because I know she's planning to confess to you,” Kageyama swallowed pulling back and away from Hinata. “And I thought… you'd have feelings for her when she does.”

      “She is?” Hinata asked surprised, with a slightly tint on his cheeks. 

      “See!? You like her!” Kageyama cried, throwing his arms in the air. 

      “I don't! I've just never been confessed to before!” Hinata said defensively. Kageyama looked at him with a mix of horrific anger and devastation. “Wait, I mean, yes you confessed to me. But I already knew you liked me when you did. It's not the same,” he said quickly. 

      “It doesn't matter if it's the same,” Kageyama frowned looking away from Hinata.

      “Of course it matters,” Hinata insisted taking his hand and pulling it onto his lap. “Why would you think I'd have feelings for her once she confessed to me?”

      “Because I know being her boyfriend would be easier than being mine,” Kageyama mumbled, looking down at the notebook and pencils that fell off his lap. “You could hold her hand in the hallways, and kiss her in public, and introduce her as your girlfriend at home to your parents, go with her on dates anywhere you wanted, have her over for holidays and stuff. All… all of the things we can’t really do.” Kageyama felt his voice crack as he fought back a tear. “That's better than being stuck with me.”

      “I'm not stuck with you,” Hinata said incredulously. 

      “You are. But you don’t have to be,” Kageyama said, his voice strained and thin. “Maybe we shouldn't be—”

      “If you're about to suggest we break up, you better stop right now,” Hinata said thickly, letting go of Kageyama's hand. 

      “But maybe you'd—”

      “Unless you're about to tell me you don't love me and you don't want to be with me, don't say that we should break up,” Hinata said seriously. 

      “But you'll resent me now,” Kageyama mumbled feeling an errant tear drop down from his face onto his hand in his lap. “You'll see all the people you could have—should be dating.”

      “Kageyama what are you even talking about?”

      “The–the girls that like you!” Kageyama said stumbling through his words, getting caught on his emotions. “There are a bunch of girls that like you. I can hear them talking about you, when you're not there. They say things like how handsome you are and how it's so weird that you don't have a girlfriend because you'd be the best boyfriend. Like I'm not even there!”

      “It's not like they know,” Hinata said softly. “Plus girls just talk, you know?”

      “Ok, but what about all the guys then?” Kageyama continued bitterly. 

      “What do you mean?”

      “See you don't even know,” Kageyama laughed humorlessly. 

      “What don't I know?” Hinata asked raising his voice. 

      “There's a bunch of guys— all the really cool and popular guys— who think you're really cool,” Kageyama said tightly. “They're always saying how you're so liked by everyone and how they are each your friend. And there's definitely a few of them who have a crush on you.”

      “How is that my fault!?” Hinata cried, violently blushing. 

      “It's not I just—” Kageyama let out a ragged breath, trying to compose himself. “If–If one guy, you know, confessed to you  and–and you thought he was… better… better than me— which he probably is… then I'd have nothing… I can't compete with them and I can't stop you.”

      “Of course you can't compete with them,” Hinata huffed, making Kageyama's gut twist uncomfortably. “You're better and they'd all lose.”

      “Really?” Kageyama asked meekly. 

      “Really,” Hinata said reassuringly. “They don't mean anything to me. You're the only one that I care about.”

      “That's now,” Kageyama grumbled. 

      “No Kageyama, that's gonna be forever,” Hinata said taking back Kageyama's hand. “Because I want to be with you, Tobio. Forever.”

      “Forever?” Kageyama repeated looking for any sign of dishonesty in Hinata's face, and saw none.

      “And always,” Hinata smiled softly. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm genuinely surprised at the response at the last chapter, i'm so touched that there are still so many people reading this and enjoying it. your comments and messages have been very meaningful and inspiring. thank you all so much

* * *

      “Kageyama, grab a gun,” Kuroo said tossing him a shotgun. He stood on the flatbed of a truck, holding onto the roof of the cab as Bokuto drove over towards The Tower. Kageyama caught it easily just as Bokuto slowed the truck just enough for him to hop on the flatbed next to Kuroo.

      “Thanks,” Kageyama said grabbing onto the handle on the cab of the truck, as Bokuto peeled towards where everyone else was heading down shore. 

      “No problem,” Kuroo shrugged un holstering his Beretta. “Hinata not coming?” gesturing back to The Tower. 

      “Up there is where he's best,” Kageyama said refusing to look behind him lest he have a change of mind. 

      “No better place for a sniper than somewhere high and clear,” Kuroo said putting his foot on the rim of the flatbed as Bokuto made a turn and stopped at the edge of the shore where the ground became rocky. 

      “No better place for us than right fucking here let's go!” Bokuto cheered throwing the truck into park and jumping out, brandishing his trademark machete. “Time to fuck these CRITS up!”

      “Fuck yeah!” Kuroo shouted jumping off the flatbed and running towards where all the rest of MAPs were headed. 

      Climbing off the truck, Kageyama jumped down looking over the rocky shore. Half of the members were tending to the wounded on the shore but it was clear to Kageyama that they were less wounded and more dead. The other half were gathering by the tree line, organizing members to enter to search it. 

      He jogged over towards the shore avoiding the large pools of blood that had gathered between the rocks. Kneeling in the shallows was Suga, with his sleeves rolled up helping lift an injured Coast Guard onto a stretcher held by two border patrol members. Rushing over to help, Kageyama holstered his gun behind him and gripped the edge of the stretcher. 

      “Thanks Kageyama,” Suga said lifting the woman by her shoulders and hoisting her onto the stretcher. 

      “No problem,” Kageyama said helping lift up the stretcher. 

      “Here let's get her over to the that truck,” Suga said gesturing to the nearest truck with his chin as he grabbed the other end of the stretcher. 

      They walked her over to the flatbed, carefully lifting her up and off the stretcher. Handing the stretcher off to the other border patrol members, Kageyama climbed onto the flatbed to make sure she was securely situated before jumping back off. 

      “What a fucking mess,” Suga sighed looking around with his hands on his hips. 

      “Yeah,” Kageyama swallowed looking around at the veritable chaos. “I don't know how this could have happened.”

      “We can't think about that now,” Suga said pushing up his sleeves again. He walked off going back other to where there were several people tending to wounded in the deeper part of the water. 

      Chucking his gun in the truck, Kageyama wadded in after him, venturing thigh deep into the water. He headed for a floating piece of boat wreckage that he could see someone on top. He hoped they were just passed out and still alive as he trudged over, getting in deeper and deeper. 

      Outstretching his hand, his fingertips just grazed the wooden plank. Waist deep in the water he propelled himself forward trying to get a grip on the wreckage. Pushing further into chest deep water, just as his hand touched the wood he felt something brush past his leg. Dismissing it as a fish or a sunken piece of boat, Kageyama was completely thrown off his guard as a hand gripped his ankle. 

      Barely able to take a breath, Kageyama was yanked under the water. Kicking and shaking the grip of his leg, Kageyama gasped for air, struggling to keep his head above the water. He managed to get the hand off his ankle only to have another two hands grab at his legs pulling him completely under water. 

      Eyes closed, Kageyama clamped his mouth shut as he twisted and kicked his body trying to shake loose the hands from his legs. Running out of air in his lungs, he flapped his arms under the water trying to swim up to the surface. His hands and face just broke the surface just long enough for him to gasp and take in more air before he was being plunged back into the water with a relentless force. 

      Disoriented and panicked, he tried to spin his body in order to free himself from the vice like grip on his legs. Reaching for his legs, his fingers desperately scraped and pulled at the hands gripping onto him, but they were much stronger than he'd anticipated. The burn of holding his breath for so long begun to become unbearable and he tried to lift his head up to the surface. However in the murky water clouded with clay and sediment and blood, Kageyama couldn't tell up from down. Panic and desperation flooded his veins as he whipped his head back and forth trying to figure out where the surface was. Each movement forward was met by another yank of his legs. 

      Unable to hold his breath any longer, Kageyama opened his mouth with a gasp ingesting the water and immediately choking. Water filled his lungs with every inhale and his motions begun to slow and slow until the murky water in front of him began to fade and he was starting to see a darkening tunnel at the edge of his vision. His consciousness was slipping at the edges and he was losing his will to fight. The hands on his ankles began to climb up his leg and pull him further and further down. 

      A third hand gripped the back of his shirt but instead of pulling him more under the water, it dragged him upwards to the surface. Vaguely he could sense a commotion around him and could distantly hear the sounds of yelling and violent splashes. He felt himself being dragged ashore, still unable to breathe or move. Rapid pressure on his chest and then warm air being blown into his mouth dislodged the water in his lungs and he came to, coughing and spurting out water. 

      With a heaving gasp, Kageyama opened his eyes and tried to sit up, taking huge lungfuls of air. A hand at his shoulder kept him from getting up and he could barely see the world around him despite having his eyes open. Everything felt extra loud and hard and rough around him and he was so grateful for it. 

      “Kageyama take a deep breath, are you ok?” Kuroo said worriedly. 

      “I'm… I'm…” Kageyama began hoarsely trying to figure out how he could possibly even answer. 

      “What happened? You just were walking toward that guy on the floating plank and then you were just underwater,” Kuroo said in awe. 

      “CRITS… in the water,” Kageyama managed to get out motioning vaguely towards the water. 

      “What?” Kuroo said horrified. He looked down at Kageyama in shock before snapping his head up and looking at all the people in the water. “Guys! There's CRITS in the water!”

      Kageyama could hear commotion around him but it all became to blur together. The sounds of crunching rocks as people ran past him began to meld with gunshots and screams. He felt himself slip into unconsciousness unwillingly, hoping he'd wake up soon.

* * *

      When his eyes fluttered open he almost couldn't tell at first. Everything around him was so dark and he could barely see the hand in front of his face. Slowly, Kageyama became more and more aware of where he was.

      The soft warm bed underneath him smelled of clean sheets and there was a distinct mechanical hum somewhere close in the room, and a low ringing in the back of his ear. His eyes swept the space his was in, seeing an opaque curtain hung from the ceiling encircling the bed. Instantly he realized that he was in the medical center. 

      As his eyes became more adjusted to the light he carefully lifted the covers to get a look at himself. He couldn't see any immediate damage or any large bandages and he took that as a good sign. But his whole body felt sore and tired and he knew he could fall back to sleep at any moment. 

      A rustling by the curtain drew his attention and he watched the edge of the curtain be peeled back every so slightly. Kageyama held his breath as a hand pulled back the curtain. He barely released it when he saw a very quiet and nervous looking Hinata standing in the open curtain. 

      They looked at each other in silence. Kageyama had no idea what to say or if he could even talk. The longer Hinata stared at him the more nervous he grew, internally racking his brain trying to figure out why Hinata was there. The anxiety and nerves grew as the low ringing in his ears began to hiss and pierce through the silence louder and louder. 

      On a whim, Kageyama carefully shifted on the bed, moving so there would be more space on the side. He lifted the cover up enough to be an obvious invitation and looked up to Hinata. Appearing to understand, Hinata took a quiet step forward, closing the curtain behind him. 

      He got on the bed, carefully and slowly as if moving towards a wild animal that might sprint away. Kageyama's heart rate rose until he could feel it beating in his throat as Hinata laid down next to him. Almost too nervous to move, he waited until Hinata was completely laying down on his side facing him, to exhale shakily. 

      They both were silent as they laid on the bed, neither of them touching the other at all. The valley between them was small but it felt like miles to Kageyama. The urge to reach out his hand and touch Hinata's face just to confirm that it was real was overwhelming. He wanted nothing more than to pull Hinata in close and then never let him go. 

      Slowly, Hinata moved towards him, fitting one arm under his neck and the other pulling at his shoulder. With no resistance, Kageyama rolled towards him, letting himself be wrapped in Hinata's arms. He rested his head on Hinata's chest savoring the warmth of his body and the softness of his skin. Kageyama carefully fit his legs between Hinata's, feeling them slide against his own. His hands moved up Hinata's chest, carefully reaffirming that Hinata was really there. 

      Nosing up at his neck, Kageyama breathed softly against his skin, taking in the scent of the sun and cool sweat that was so quintessentially Hinata it sent a pang of nostalgia through his body. His hands gripped Hinata's shoulders and chest as he felt hands grasp at his back. He felt so comfortable and at ease, as if a piece of him that had been missing had finally been returned. Kageyama felt whole again. 

      Holding each other there on the bed, laying in complete silence with only the sounds of the medical equipment and their breathing filling the space, Kageyama fell asleep immediately. 

* * *

      “Are you awake?”

      Kageyama turned his head slightly to his left, resting his cheek against his pillow. On the futon next to him on the floor was Hinata, his face barely visible in the dim street light filtered in through the heavy curtains. In the dark, Kageyama could barely see the outline of Hinata’s soft features, let alone the mounds of sleeping figures of his classmates all spread out on the floor around them; and so, cautious that someone might be awake to hear them, he took his hand out from under his blanket and reached it out to Hinata, letting him know he was awake. 

      “Good,” Hinata breathed, resting his hand on top of Kageyama’s on the floor between them. “I can’t sleep.” 

      “You should just close your eyes,” Kageyama whispered, thumbing the edge of Hinata’s finger gently. 

      “I tried that,” Hinata frowned. “I just can’t sleep.” 

      “Why not?” Kageyama asked quietly turning onto his side. 

      “Because I’m frustrated,” Hinata sighed.

      “Why are you frustrated?” Kageyama furrowed his brow at him. Slowly, he took his hand out from under Hinata’s and threaded their fingers together. 

      “Because you’re so close to me and yet I can’t sleep with you,” Hinata admitted silently. 

      “Shush,” Kageyama hushed in a panic, looking around the room for evidence that someone was awake and listening to them. 

      “I’m serious though,” Hinata pressed, tightening his hold on Kageyama’s hand. “It’s great that we’re on this overnight trip and stuff, but Tobio you’re so close to me and yet so far.” 

      “I—” Kageyama bit his lip. His eyes having adjusted more to the darkness, he was able to see the look of resigned frustration on Hinata’s face. How even with a furrowed brow and his mouth worried into a pout Hinata was still so pretty. “I wish we could sleep together too,” he admitted softly, taking in the look of longing on Hinata’s face. 

      “What if…” Hinata began, trailing off as if he regretted starting the sentence. 

      “Yeah?” Kageyama breathed. 

      “What if we pushed our futons together just for a few hours?” Hinata suggested unsurely. “Or I go lay with you? Just–just for a little while, and I leave before anyone wakes up and notices.” 

      “I don’t know…” Kageyama swallowed. The thought that someone would wake up in the middle of the night for any reason and they’d be found out, was far more terrifying than he’d care to imagine. 

      “Just a few minutes,” Hinata pleaded. “Please.” 

      “Ok,” Kageyama reluctantly agreed, although he was more than glad to have Hinata in his arms even if just for a little while. He didn’t want to admit it aloud, be he had been internally wishing for some contact with Hinata; sitting next to him on the bus was no longer enough, not like from before they were dating. Not after they’d been together for over a two years, drawing comfort and security from each other. Kageyama needed him. 

      “Good,” Hinata whispered happily. He unlocked their fingers, and silently got out from under his blankets. Holding his breath, Kageyama pushed aside his blanket and shifted backwards just enough so Hinata could lay down next to him.

      The sudden draft of cold air was quickly replaced by the Hinata’s body emanating warmth as he curled up next to Kageyama. He pulled the blanket close and tight around his body, laying down on his back and pulling Kageyama towards him. Relishing the soft, warm plains of skin under him, Kageyama rested his head on Hinata’s chest wrapping his arms around him and hooking his hands on his shoulders as Hinata’s arms engulfed him. 

      The resulting comfort was almost instantaneous; Kageyama immediately felt himself relax and breathe deeply since they’d last been alone. Though they weren’t technically alone at the moment, the sentiment was enough. The swirling, gut churning nausea of pretending not to be completely and utterly head–over–heels in love with Hinata seemed to be worth it for these small blips of pure bliss. 

      The kinda bliss that made Kageyama feel like things weren’t actually so bad. The kinda bliss that colored his future and brightened his present. The kinda bliss that was safe and happy and warm. 

* * *

      When he awoke the next morning he felt distantly cold. He lifted his head as he blinked his eyes open seeing only the pillow and mattresses underneath him. Disoriented, Kageyama leaned up more seeing the bed was completely empty except for himself. 

      “Ah he's awake,” Tsukishima said from next to him. He turned his head and saw that he was sitting on a folding chair with a book in his hands. 

      “Where's Hinata?” Kageyama asked, his voice rough and low from sleep. 

      “Wow you're welcome,” Tsukishima said sarcastically closing the book on his lap. “I totally didn't have to sit at your bedside for hours making sure that you were still breathing.”

      “Right um, thanks,” Kageyama swallowed, shifting around in the bed so he could lay on his back. His muscles felt unbelievably sore and tired, and his head was heavy and thick, like it was full of wet cotton. 

      “You're welcome asshole,” Tsukishima frowned. “Why were you asking about your boyfriend?”

      “He came here, last night,” Kageyama said thickly moving up on the bed to sit. 

      “Really?” Tsukishima asked skeptically. 

      “Yeah,” Kageyama nodded. 

      “Oh,” Tsukishima said. “Weird.”

      “Why?”

      “I don't know, it's just weird.”

      “How long have you been here?” Kageyama asked changing the subject. 

      “Um, a few hours?” Tsukishima shrugged. He pulled back the curtain and tilted his head back to look at the clock on the far wall. “Yeah like 3 hours,” he said pulling the curtain back. “It's 1100 hours right now so I've basically been here all morning.”

      “Wait,” Kageyama blinked. “1100 hours? How long have I been out for?”

      “Like 20 hours,” Tsukishima said thinking for a moment. “Maybe more? I don’t remember when you passed out.” 

      “I passed out?” 

      “Yeah, how else do you think you ended up in the medical center?” 

      “But,” Kageyama swallowed, remembering the red tinted waters and screams from the other MAPs officers. “Someone else needed this spot in the Medical Center more than me. There were injured people.” 

      “There really wasn’t,” Tsukishima said suddenly sounding extremely somber. “Trust me anyone who had been injured…” He trailed off leaving, Kageyama to draw his own conclusions. 

      “I see,” Kageyama nodded. “How many?” 

      “17,” Tsukishima answered quietly. “The 15 Coast Guards you saw on the beach, and two members of border patrol.”

      “Border patrol?” Kageyama repeated. “How?” 

      “They went into the water after Kuroo pulled you out,” Tsukishima said tightly, looking down at his lap, adjusting his glasses. “They weren’t as lucky.” 

      “Shit,” Kageyama breathed. “I tried to warn them, I… I should have…”

      “There was nothing more you could have done,” Tsukishima exhaled. “They knew… and they still went in.”

      “How many CRITS were there?” Kageyama asked.

      “We only found three.” 

      “That’s impossible,” Kageyama said shaking his head. “There’s no way that only three CRITS killed 17— those people have survived a thousand times worse, how could it have been only—”

      “Kageyama, we only found three,” Tsukishima said tightly. 

      “And the hole? In the border?” 

      “It’s been patched up,” Tsukishima said sitting back in his chair. “Border patrol has doubled its forces. Even us on SMU have been doing shifts for them. We probably will for a while too, Daichi doesn’t want anyone leaving the camp for unnecessary reasons.”  

      “So basically we still have no idea how or why they got in, and we’re trapped in our own home,” Kageyama said thickly. 

      “Basically.” 

      “Great,” Kageyama exhaled heavily. 

      A daunting feeling of helplessness swept over him as he slumped on the bed. Turning away from Tsukishima, he absentmindedly brought his right hand up to his left wrist to rub the skin the way he always did when he became nervous or uncomfortable. He felt the cold clammy skin on the inside of his wrist, and the slightly raised lines on his skin, tracing them over with his fingers as he’d done so many times. It took him a moment before he realized that he had gone into the water with his left wrist wrapped and yet he no longer had it wrapped. 

      “Wait, my bandage,” Kageyama said with a note of anxiety in his voice. “On my left hand. Where is it?”

      “Oh, I don’t know,” Tsukishima shrugged. “You didn’t have a cut there so I don’t think Yachi rebandaged you up.” 

      “I need something to wrap it up with,” Kageyama said seriously, holding his right hand over the skin on his wrist. 

      “Why do you even need to anyway?” Tsukishima asked incredulously. “Are you hiding your ta—”

      “I just want to wrap it up ok?” Kageyama said flatly. “Go get me a piece of cloth or anything, I just need something.” 

      “Ok, fine. Weirdo,” Tsukishima said getting up and setting the book down on the chair as he pulled back the curtain slightly and left. 

      Exhaling heavily, Kageyama threw his head back, gripping his left wrist tightly in his hand. He went over everything he could remember of Hinata showing up at his bedside during the night. How dark it was, how he mostly had the covers pulled up over them, how his hands held onto Hinata for dear life. There was no way that Hinata would have seen anything, even if it had been directly in his face with how dark it was. 

      Kageyama barely could see him. But he knew it was Hinata. The unmistakably familiar narrow shoulders, broadened with age and hardened muscles. His comfortingly strong hands, that even though covered in the calluses of a sniper, were as nimbly and delicate as they were a decade ago. And his smell, that elusive combination of sunlight and warm skin that plagued Kageyama’s dreams and lived in his most happiest memories. 

      It was almost fair to say that getting to hold Hinata close again was simultaneously the thing he’d been wishing for and the worst thing that could have happened. Now the  _ what if’s _ in his mind were being drowned out by an insatiable drum beat of  _ more more more.  _ All he wanted was to breath him in again, feel Hinata’s arms surround him as he drifted off to sleep. Kageyama wanted to be close to him again, and that want almost eclipsed everything else. 

      But he also knew that their circumstances, as extreme as they are, are not conducive to any form of relationship. Not even counting the years of self hatred and loathing that prevented Kageyama of even contemplated trying to convince Hinata of some sort of redemption, he knew there was no way he could expect Hinata to overlook years of well deserved hatred towards him. Hinata had every right to hate him, and Kageyama would never try to deny him that. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t wish, in a deep and secret part of him, that things between them could be different. 

      “Here,” Tsukishima said handing Kageyama a long strip of cloth. “For your non injured hand.” 

      “Thanks,” Kageyama said taking the cloth and wrapping his wrist and hand with it.    
“I don’t know why you’re hiding that from Hinata.” Kageyama froze in his motions. “Yeah, I know you’re hiding it from Hinata. What I don’t know is why?” 

      “I”m not—”

      “Don’t deny it, seriously. I’m not an idiot.” Kageyama sighed defeatedly. “I know that tattoo is for him. Or about him. Or has something to do with him.” 

      “How’d you figure it out?” Kageyama asked quietly, glancing up at him. 

      “You only started wearing lots of long sleeves when he came to camp,” Tsukishima said. “Plus you wrap it up when you can’t wear one. It wasn’t hard to deduce. Also,” he exhaled, “even though you never explicitly said that he was… you know…  _ that ex _ , I kind of assumed.” Tsukishima crossed his arms against his chest with a sigh. “I know all your other exes.” 

      “He is,” Kageyama said looking down at his wrist. Even through the thin white cloth, Kageyama could see the sharp, heavy black lines of the small geometric sun tattooed on the inside of his wrist. 

      “And he doesn’t know that you still—”

      “He’s not going to find out,” Kageyama interrupted quickly. “Because it doesn’t matter.” 

      “It might matter to him,” Tsukishima said uncharacteristically quietly. 

      “It doesn’t matter, because I don’t matter,” Kageyama said slowly and carefully. “Not to him. Not anymore.” He stared darkly at Tsukishima trying to impose upon him the severity in which he believed what he was saying to be true. 

      “So you’re really not going to tell him?” 

      “No, I’m not.”

      “Wow,” Tsukishima breathed. “You really take this masochist thing to a whole new level don’t you?” 

      “Like you could talk,” Kageyama huffed a laugh quietly. “You should tell Kuroo. He came in the water to save me, it could been him in there. He could’ve… you should tell him.” 

      “It’s not the same—”

      “No it’s not, you’re right,” Kageyama nodded. “You two have a chance.” 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when you update a month later out of the blue lmao
> 
> *warning* descriptions of violence and abuse

* * *

      Feeling decidedly overwhelmed, Kageyama sat quietly taking everything in. The table was covered in swatches of fabrics and samples of flowers and pictures of venues, and it was so much information Kageyama just blanked out. Instead, he sat there staring at everything hoping he wasn't asked to make any major decisions. 

      “Tobio? Honey? Are you listening?” 

      Blinking himself back into reality, he looked down at his right where the soft bright voice was coming from. 

      “Did you hear what I said?” Sakura asked sounding more concerned than annoyed. 

      “Oh, no I didn't. I'm sorry,” Kageyama said feeling bad for tuning her out. 

      “It's ok,” she smiled up at him, placing her small soft hand on his thigh. “I know this is all overwhelming. In fact… I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed myself.”

      “Yeah it's kinda…” Kageyama swallowed looking at all the different wedding options and preparations on the table in front of them. “Overwhelming.”

      She glanced around making sure no one was near them. “You don't have to do this,” Sakura said in a low whisper. She looked up into his eyes, and Kageyama felt a grateful rush of affection for her. “We don't  _ need _ to get married.”

      “Sakura,” he smiled softly taking her hands in his, “I promised you I would. We’ve talk about this, and we both know this is the best decision. We're going to get married, ok?”

      “Ok,” she nodding smiling happily. She leaned up and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek. “Thank you.”

      “You're welcome,” Kageyama nodded letting go of her hands. He put his right arm around her shoulders as the wedding planner shuffled back over carrying three large binders in her arms. 

      “Ok so I found three more catalogues of different flower arrangements and cake bakeries and my list of the best wedding bands and DJs. Also we need to pick the location for the ceremony, and everything will be easier from there,” she said to the two of them. 

      “Tobio where do you want to get married?” Sakura asked looking up at him. 

      Having not given any of the wedding preparations much thought he had no immediate answer to her question. In fact, he never thought he would even be asked about any of the wedding preparations. But almost as a reflex, his mind conjured the first memory of planning a wedding he couldn't think of. 

_       “And then we'll have a big, huge amazing wedding,” Hinata smiled. “We'll get married on the beach and afterward we'll lay on the sand and count all the stars.” _

      “On the beach,” Kageyama said without thinking. Sakura blinked up at him in surprise. “I want to get married on the beach.”

* * *

 

      Standing on the shore Kageyama took in the remnants of dried blood and the few bits of broken wood that still littered the rocky beach. It hardly looked like a place where over a dozen people lost their lives. In the two days that Kageyama was in the medical center, the other MAPs members had done a miraculous job of cleaning of the massacre that had taken place. Though, while the impact on the grounds was minimal, the effect on the people of the camp was entirely different story. 

      The news of the deaths of a major part of the Coast Guard had not been taken lightly. Daichi had spent the better part of that first 24 hours dealing with panicked and grief stricken people, all who wanted either answers or retribution, neither of which Daichi could provide. Instead, he offered words of comfort and assurement that they would work tirelessly until they understand what happened. That everyone had to understand that though it seemed like they lived in a peaceful and impenetrable haven, the truth was that their safety was precarious and hard won.  That they are never really safe and this was just a vivid and horrifying reminder of how dangerous the world had become. 

      Kageyama however, was not fooled. He never believed for a second that they had been safe; only just between attacks. And this only proved to him how right he was. But that didn’t mean he was happy about it. 

      “Daichi wants us back at the auditorium for the meeting,” Kenma said quietly, pulling him out of his thoughts. “The other guys from Border Patrol are here for the shift change.” 

      “Ok,” Kageyama nodded turning away from the beach. He rubbed his temples carefully, trying to ignore the dull headache he'd had since he awoke in the Medical Center. 

      He followed behind Kenma as they walked back up their patrol route along the beach and towards The Tower. They walked in a comfortable silence as they approached the group of MAPs members that were their replacement. Quietly handing over their guns, they walked over to waiting golf cart with Iwaizumi sitting in the driver's seat. 

      “I'm your escort,” Iwaizumi said shifting the crossbow off his lap and handing it over to Kageyama as he slid into the passenger seat next to him. 

      “I wonder how long these extra measures of security are gonna last for,” Kageyama sighed moving the crossbow so it rested comfortably on his lap. 

      “Probably a few weeks, maybe less?” Kenma said sitting on the seat behind them. 

      “Just as long until Daichi feels we're safe again,” Iwaizumi said putting the cart into drive and starting down the packed dirt road towards the main building. 

      “Safe,” Kageyama huffed quietly, shaking his head. “We were never safe.”

* * *

 

      With a slight hesitation, Kageyama lifted his hand to knock on the front door. The darkness of the night rain storm made it almost impossible to see anything and he fleetingly hoped he came to the right house having only been there once before. Barely sheltered from the rain in the doorway, he held his breath until he heard the sounds of approaching footsteps inside the house. The door swung open and he was met by a very confused and surprised Hinata. 

      “Kageyama?” he said tilting his head to the side. “What are you doing here?”

      “C-can I stay o-over?” Kageyama trembled, wrapping his arms around himself trying to keep warm. 

      “Yeah of–of course,” Hinata nodded stepping aside so Kageyama could walk in. 

      “Th-thank you,” Kageyama stuttered stepping into the warm house. He quickly kicked off his soaked sneakers and stood in the tiled entrance as Hinata closed the door, not sure what to do. 

      “Here let me get you a— oh my god what happened?” Hinata said, cutting himself off once he saw Kageyama's face. Immediately Kageyama brought his hand up to cover the most likely still bloody and swollen bruise around his right eye. 

      “It–its nothing,” Kageyama said automatically. 

      “What happened?” Hinata asked forcefully. 

      “No one— I mean, nothing,” Kageyama answered almost too quickly. “Um...may I have a towel?”

      “Yeah of course,” Hinata said turning towards the living room and heading for the stairs. “Wait right there, I'll be right back.”

      Kageyama watched him run up the steps and out of sight. Exhaling heavily, he removed his hand from his face and saw there were splotches of blood on his palm. Hearing Hinata's footsteps coming back down the stairs, he hastily wiped it on the back of his jeans. 

      “Here you go,” Hinata said offering him a large warm towel. 

      “Thank you,” Kageyama said quietly taking it and toweling off his hair and arms. 

      “I can wash and dry your clothes if you want,” Hinata offered. “I brought you some clothes to change into.” He held out a stack of boxers, sweatpants, and a t-shirt. “I'm not sure if it'll all fit you but it's warm and dry.”

      “Thanks,” Kageyama said, taking the clothes in one arm. “I'll um…”

      “Oh right uh,” Hinata stumbled awkwardly, spinning in place. “I'll give you some privacy.”

      Feeling thousand times more embarrassed than he wanted to be, Kageyama swallowed his nerves. Placing the towel on the floor and the dry clothes on the small table in the entryway, he began to peel off his wet clothes. He pulled off his wet socks and pants placing them in a sopping pile on the floor. 

      Reaching for his shirt, he winced in pain as he began to pull it over his head. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Hinata fail to resist the urge to turn around. He wasn't quick enough to cover himself, and he saw Hinata's eyes widen as he caught a glimpse of his exposed side. 

      “Kageyama you—”

      “I'm fine,” Kageyama said picking up the towel and drying off his body. He ran the towel over his side and stomach, careful not to be too rough with the giant fading bruise on his right side. 

      “Are these all your clothes?” Hinata asked keeping his eyes down at the pile of wet clothes on the floor. 

      “Um,” wrapping the towels around his waist, Kageyama slipped off his boxers which had gotten wet in the run in the rain, wrapping the towel around his waist. He folded it up and placed it on the wet pile. “Yes.”

      “Ok,” Hinata nodded keeping his eyes down as he picked up the pile of clothes. “I'm gonna go put this into the dryer.”

      He watched Hinata walk off over towards the kitchen and out of sight. Moving as quickly as his bruised and sore body would allow, he pulled on the boxers Hinata gave him under the towel. He then took off the towel and pulled on the sweatpants and Tshirt. Being significantly taller and broader than Hinata, both the pants and the shirt ran a bit short on him. 

      “So your clothes should dry in like forty… minutes…” Hinata trailed off coming around the corner into the entry carrying an ice pack wrapped in a dish towel, and saw Kageyama standing awkwardly in his clothes that were too small for him. Despite still feeling horrible, Kageyama let out a small laugh. 

      “So… I guess we can't share clothes,” Kageyama said lightly, pulling at the bottom Hinata’s shirt that was too tight on him. 

      “Sorry,” Hinata apologized. “I got the biggest pants that I had, you're just so tall.”

      “It's ok,” Kageyama said pulling at the pants waistband. “I just won't wear the pants.”

      “Um,” Hinata began quickly averting his eyes as Kageyama pulled off the pants. “Sorry, I can go find you something else if you want?”

      “I'm ok,” Kageyama said handing Hinata the pants, who still couldn't look at him. Standing awkwardly in the wet entryway, in nothing but Hinata’s slightly tight Tshirt and a pair of his boxers, Kageyama began to shiver. “Do you mind if I move from here?”

      “Oh right! Yes of–of course,” Hinata said too loudly. “Let's go up to my room.” He pivoted in place and marched up the steps. 

      “Ok,” Kageyama said following behind him. 

      When they reached Hinata's bedroom, Kageyama could see a slight hesitation in Hinata before he swung open the door. He only been there once before and under very different circumstances. On the soft rug on the floor, he could almost see their outlines as they had sat doing a science project that had taken them well over six hours to complete. Kageyama remembered being so nervous about being in  _ Hinata's room _ and how he practically had a panic attack when Hinata climbed up on his bed saying he was taking a nap and that he was more than welcome to join him. 

      That was weeks ago, even before they confessed to each other on the bus. Now he felt nervous for being there for a different reason. The words “I'm in my boyfriend's bedroom” hung in his head overshadowed by the events that brought him there. He wished he was there in different circumstances. 

      “Um, come sit on my bed. It's more comfortable,” Hinata said gesturing to his small bed. “Oh and here, I got you an ice pack for your face.”

      “Thank you,” Kageyama nodded taking the ice pack from his hands and sitting in the edge of the bed. Carefully he brought the ice pack up to his face. But the bruising and the skin were still extremely tender and he let out a pained wince immediately. 

      “Here, let me help you,” Hinata said sitting down next to him. 

      He took the ice pack out of his hands and slowly and carefully applied it to Kageyama's face. Kageyama's hands fell uselessly to his sides, as Hinata held the ice pack against his face. Their sudden proximity mixed with the gentle way Hinata held the ice made Kageyama hold his breath with nerves. 

      “You're not breathing,” Hinata said after a moment. 

      “Oh,” Kageyama exhaled. “I'm… I'm nervous.”

      “You don't have to be nervous around me,” Hinata said reassuringly. “I would never do anything to hurt you.”

      “That's... not... why you make me nervous,” Kageyama said awkwardly. 

      “Right,” Hinata laughed quietly. “Still… you shouldn't be nervous around me.” He took of the ice pack and looked up into Kageyama's face. His eyes traced the small cuts that had no longer continued oozing blood and the swollen bruises that gave off their own painful heat. “Can you tell me what happened?”

      “I-I…” Kageyama began, looking down at this hands in his lap. “It was an accident.”

      “You came running to my house over an accident?” Hinata said skeptically. “At night, in the rain?”

      “I over reacted,” Kageyama said thickly. 

      “I don't think so,” Hinata shook his head. He placed the ice pack next to him on the bed then put his hand on top of Kageyama's thigh. “You can talk to me.”

      “Um,” Kageyama stared down at Hinata's hand on his thigh. The skin underneath it felt hot and his head felt dizzy. “I just… it's not anything you have to worry about.” The thoughts in his head began to spin wildly, sending nervous trembles throughout his body. 

      Sitting there, looking at Hinata’s concerned expectant face, Kageyama realized that he showed up at his boyfriend’s house, soaking wet and covered in bruises late at night, with no prepared explanation. He realized how crazy that was. And how he probably weirded out Hinata far beyond what was fixable in their barely a week old relationship. And how he probably irreparably ruined his first real relationship— and if this was any indication on how he would act, his only one. 

      “But I am worried,” Hinata said softly, bringing up his other hand to caress Kageyama's non swollen cheek. 

      “You… you don't have to be…um…” Kageyama quickly stood up from the bed. “This is too much. I–I didn't mean to overstep, I'm sorry.”

      “You're not, it–it's fine,” Hinata said quickly. “Kageyama, I'm just worried about you.”

      “Yeah b-but you're my… my… I shouldn't make you worried,” Kageyama stuttered, his hands clenching into fists. 

      “But as your  _ boyfriend  _ that's what half of my job is,” Hinata said grabbing one of Kageyama's fists. “I'm worried about you because… because I really care about you, Kageyama.”

      “You're not overwhelmed by me being here?” Kageyama asked turning slightly to look at Hinata. 

      “No, just concerned,” Hinata shook his head. “But more than that, I want to make you feel safe here.”

      “Feel safe here?”

      “Yeah,” he nodded. “We're friends too. And what kind of friend would I be if I didn't make sure my friend was comfortable coming to me?”

      “I… we're friends,” Kageyama said more like question. 

      “Yeah,” Hinata smiled softly up at him. Kageyama slowly sat back down on the bed, letting out a slow breath. “You don't have to, but can you tell me what's wrong? What happened?”

      “It's not a big deal,” Kageyama said tightly. “Like I said, I overreacted. It's not like this hasn't happened before—”

      “This has happened before?” Hinata asked concernedly. 

      “Yeah,” Kageyama nodded. “Not usually on my face.”

      “Like the bruises on your side?” 

      “Yeah.”

      “... Can I see them?” 

      “Um,” Kageyama swallowed, hesitating. Slowly, he lifted up the shirt exposing his abdomen where he had a litany of new and old bruises all in varying stages of healing. “They look worse than they are.”

      “Why do you have so many bruises?” Hinata asked carefully. 

      “...They're mostly my fault,” Kageyama said quickly. 

      “Don't say that,” Hinata said seriously. “It's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done to deserve this kind of treatment.” He pulled the shirt down over Kageyama's body and moved closer on the bed next to him. “How often does this happen?”

      “Not that often actually—”

      “Kageyama.”

      “...often enough,” Kageyama whispered. He looked down at his hand clenched in fists in his lap, trying desperately to keep his tears at bay. 

      “You must be in pain all the time,” Hinata breathed horrified. 

      “I am,” he admitted under his breath. 

      Part of him felt like he was betraying his parents just by admitting out loud that their punishments caused him pain. Horrible pain. Pain he couldn't ignore. Pain that kept him lying awake at night in agony as his body throbbed with fresh bruises. 

      “I understand,” Hinata said putting his hand on top of Kageyama's on his lap. 

      “You do?” Kageyama said disbelievingly. 

      “My dad,” Hinata took a deep breath, “he doesn't hit me he just… words hurt you know. I think they hurt me more than anything anyone could do to me. Sometimes I wish he'd hit me instead—”

      “No you don't,” Kageyama said flatly. 

      “Sorry,” Hinata breathed. 

      “It's ok,” Kageyama nodded. “Just... don't say that. Don't wish for pain. This is… I wouldn't want the person I hated most in the world to go through this.”

      “One day,” Hinata began his voice thick with emotion. “One day you won't have to. Neither of us will. And we'll… we'll leave together.”

      “Are–are you sure?” Kageyama stuttered feeling his heart beat uncontrollably fast in his chest. “That's a lo-long time from now…. You might change your mind. You might… feel different about me.”

      “I have a feeling I won't,” Hinata whispered.

* * *

 

      Kageyama climbed the stairs up to the second floor of the main building following behind Kenma and Iwaizumi. Still feeling sore and bruised from his interaction with the CRITS under the water, he took his time up the stairs but dismissing help from Iwaizumi. Once he reached the second floor, he entered the small 400 person auditorium where Daichi had convened a camp wide meeting. 

      The theater was a buzz with a flurry of conversations and people milling through looking for seats in the rapidly filling rows. Sending a cursory glance around the room, Kageyama's gaze settled on a small group of camp members sitting off, far in the back of the side of the theater. Their faces were drawn and pale, with eyes raw from crying. 

      “Those are the family and friends of the Coast Guards,” Kenma said in a raised whisper leaning in towards Kageyama. He glanced over at Kenma, who was staring out towards them with a look of reserved sympathy. “They've been like that for days.”

      Kageyama looked back at them from across the room. He watched as several people approached them to give them their sympathies which appeared to have no affect on them. They continued to sit, cold and unresponsive as the rest of the camp members filed into the auditorium. 

      There was a weird sinking feeling in his gut when he caught a glimpse of red hair all the way at the first row. Craning his neck over the heads of the people in front of him as he followed Kenma and Iwaizumi to a seat, he could see Hinata sitting between Yamaguchi and Lev not saying anything as his two friends talked over him. His characteristically ginger hair seemed to stick up in more directions than usual, as if he’d been running his fingers through it extensively. 

      Kageyama wasn’t sure what the feeling in his gut meant. On one hand, he recognized that he always got a sort of sinking feeling in his gut when he saw Hinata. It seemed to be just part of the territory with him. But on the other hand, it felt less like the nervous partial excitement feeling in his gut he always got when he saw Hinata, and more like a dreading feeling. He kept getting that feeling every time he saw him now. 

      He knew that it was because he was practically itching to talk to Hinata. They hadn't even said two words to each other since the day of the attack; but more importantly, since that night. Even when Hinata came to his bedside and crawled into the bed with him, they hadn't spoken. Everyday had been too hazy, too much to process for Kageyama to have spoken that night. He could imagine what was going through Hinata's mind, and that seemed to be his major problem. 

      None of Hinata's actions made sense to him. He was hot and cold, and sending him mixed signals enough to make Kageyama's head spin. In the days after the attack, Kageyama had spent almost every quiet moment trying to go over in his head their interactions. From their fights to when Hinata saved him, trying to look for his intentions or motives to why he was ignoring him now. 

      It wasn't like he hadn't tried to talk to him. The first morning he was out of the hospital, Kageyama made an anxious beeline for Hinata in the cafeteria, only to be intercepted by Lev asking him questions about his recovery and being attack. By the time he had gotten rid of him, Hinata was nowhere in sight. 

      And it seemed like they were almost deliberately being put on separate patrol teams. Never in a room alone together, never even near each other in a meeting, never close to each other. The impatience grew in Kageyama like a wildfire. He needed to talk to Hinata, even if just to hear from his mouth that what happened meant nothing. He needed him to say it. He needed him. 

      “Kageyama, Oikawa saved us a seat over there,” Iwaizumi said breaking him from his thoughts, pointing to the third row on the right side of the auditorium. 

      “I'm coming,” Kageyama nodded following Iwaizumi and Kenma through a row to the other side of the theater. 

      “Hey,” Oikawa said waving over to them from his seat. “Daichi's gonna start soon.”

      “I wonder how this is gonna go,” Iwaizumi said taking his seat next to Oikawa who immediately turned to him. Kageyama sat down next to him as Kenma took the seat on Oikawa's other side. 

      “It's the first time he's had to give one of these since…” Oikawa looked around at all the other camp members being seated around them, “well, you remember,” he finished lamely. 

      “Yeah I do,” Iwaizumi swallowed tightly. Out of the corner of his eye, Kageyama could see Oikawa rest his hand comfortingly on Iwaizumi's thigh. With a level of softness that mildly surprised Kageyama, he saw Iwaizumi set his hand on top of Oikawa's, holding it gently. 

      “Alright everyone, I'd like to get started,” Daichi said loudly from the stage. 

      The conversations in the room died down until there was relative quiet in the auditorium. Everyone turned to The Lieutenant Colonel who made a rather imposing figure on the stage. 

      “Thank you,” he said as the room became quiet. “Now, I’d like to start this off by saying how it pains me even to have to call this camp wide meeting. As everyone knows we suffered a great loss a few days ago.” The room seemed to become extra quiet. “We lost 17 people. Good people.”

      He seemed to take a moment to compose himself. There was a long lingering pause before he looked back up at everyone and spoke again. 

      “Now, a good portion of you don't know or understand why and how we could have lost so many in one day. There have been a lot of questions and demanding for answers from many of the camp members. So, I called this meeting not only to mourn our fallen friends and family, but to tell you all how they died.”

      A heavy weight of Daichi's words fell over the room. Even Kageyama, who had been there and saw what had happened first hand, felt the stirring of anxiety at Daichi's words. Daichi took a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak. 

      “A few days ago during the camp wide shelter drill, select Military Appointed Personnel investigated a breach of our borders.” The reaction was almost immediate. Dozens of people in the audience began to cry out in outrage. Daichi took a moment before raising his voice and trying to continue over the angry din. “During our investigation, 3 CRITS were found and terminated, but not before attacking and killing our fellow camp members.”

      The roar of the crowd only grew as more people began to shout. All around Kageyama, non MAPs members shouted frantic concerns and aggressive questions at Daichi. The Lieutenant Colonel stood his ground, not showing any emotion as insults and accusations were thrown at him from the angered crowd. 

      “So is the camp not safe anymore!?”

      “How could you let this happen!?”

      “What is the border patrol doing if they aren't protecting us!?”

      “Everyone please settle down,” Daichi shouted trying to get everyone's attention. But the will of the crowd was to go into a frenzied panic and the fear was palpable. 

      “How can we believe we're safe anymore!?”

      “We can't know there aren't more CRITS in the camp!”

      “Why didn't you tell us earlier!?”

      The crowd began to rally and yell louder and louder and the panic bloomed into pandemonium. Children's cries could be heard around the room as people tried to be heard over each other, each screamed question louder than the last. The pressure was overwhelmingly suffocating, and Kageyama felt his hands tremble with anxiety. 

      “Enough!” Kuroo shouted, climbing up on the stage. The screaming cut out in the room and plunged everyone into silence. He took to the stage next to Daichi and stared down the crowd until he had everyone's absolute attention. “Lieutenant Colonel Daichi is giving you all this information because he thought you had the right to be informed, not because he thought it was the best idea. How can you all attack him for being honest with you!?”

      “He was supposed to be keeping us safe!” someone shouted out from the back of the auditorium. And chorus of agreements waved through the room. 

      “Daichi has been doing a damn good job of keeping everyone safe,” Kuroo said pointing at Daichi next to him. “We're probably the safest we've been in years. Definitely at least as safe, if not safer from when we were under direct military control.” 

      The shouting ceased as people began to slowly sink back into their seats. Daichi put a grateful hand on Kuroo's shoulder, giving him a thankful nod. Kageyama watched as the other members slowly took their seats again. 

      “You're all alive right now because of what Daichi has done to keep us safe and the sacrifices of the MAPs,” Kuroo continued. “And things have been relatively peaceful up until now. But don't mistake peace for safety. It's not Daichi's fault for what happened. It was a horrible tragedy and something that will be very difficult to overcome. But don't you dare think that he doesn’t have everyone’s best interest in mind. You all better start treating him the way he deserves, with respect.” 

      “Thank you Major,” Daichi said. Kuroo gave him a brief nod before jumping down off the stage and going back to his seat next to Tsukishima in the second row. 

      Kageyama glanced around the room and saw the mood had changed. The fiery uproar ebbed and left a hollow silence in its wake. Daichi looked around the room, taking a long pause before he continued. 

      “I understand everyone's reaction, I had anticipated as much,” Daichi sighed heavily addressing the room. “But the reality of the situation is that we don't actually know why what happened actually happened. That being said, our Special Missions Unit will be investigating and you will be kept updated on everything they discover.”

      A sense of agreement swept through the crowd. There was a murmuring from the people around Kageyama, and the tense atmosphere began to dissolve. The anxiety that had grown in Kageyama still sat like a lead brick in his gut. 

      “Now, the other reason I convened this meeting was to discuss the new safety protocols that will be implemented in light of what happened,” Daichi said looking around the room. Kageyama could feel all of the tense anxiety that had begun to leave, settle back into the room. 

      “The first, as of tonight there is a mandatory curfew of 2000 hours for every member except those in patrol duty,” Daichi explained. “That means that all members must be in their rooms and not anywhere else in the camp. Dinner hours will be from 1800 hours to 1900 and a half hours. There will be a half hour grace period to get to your quarters and you not be permitted to leave until 600 hours the next day.”

      “Also, our gates will be closed until further notice,” Daichi continued. “Travel, which had already been heavily restricted, is now prohibited. Lastly, due to the limited resources and personnel, jobs may get reorganized. I want everyone to be ready to be shuffled around and to do jobs they might not have before.

      “We are closing in our ranks and taking care of our own. I need everyone to be ready to pitch in double than before. What happened was terrible and we have to work so that it never happens again. This is where we live and we need to protect it and those who live with us. I know you all understand. Thank you,” Daichi said bowing his head slightly as he finished. 

      There was a small lull in the room as everyone processed what Daichi had just laid out for them. Kageyama was surprised by the lack of uproar but after the talking to they got from Kuroo it made sense that no one was going to voice their opinions again. Slowly the people began to make their way out of the auditorium, whispering quietly among themselves. 

      “So I guess we go to dinner now?” Iwaizumi said standing up from his seat. 

      “I guess so,” Oikawa agreed getting up. “It's just past 1800 hours now.”

      “It seems that Daichi is serious about this new schedule,” Kageyama said twisting around in his seat, watching people get directed out and directly towards the cafeteria. 

      “But of course, I'm one of the suckers that has an overnight shift on Border Patrol,” Iwaizumi sighed. “I'll be patrolling the whole western side, by the coast.”

      “Please be careful Iwaizumi,” Oikawa said thickly.

      “I'll be fine,” Iwaizumi said with a level of softness in his voice. “You should stay with Kageyama until curfew. He's still a little wobbly.” 

      “I can't, I've got a supply run shift going to The Forge at 2000 hours until 400 hours tomorrow,” Oikawa said running his fingers through his hair. “Amazingly, I still get to go on that run out of the camp.” Iwaizumi exhaled heavily looking at Oikawa with mixed expression. “But I’ll keep an eye on him as soon as I come back.

      “I'll be fine, really guys,” Kageyama swallowed, standing up, not liking being talked about like he wasn’t there. “Don't worry about me.”

      “Kageyama,” Kenma said from behind Oikawa. “Daichi wants to speak with SMU.”

      “Of course,” Kageyama nodded. “I'll see you guys later.”

      “Later Kageyama,” Iwaizumi said as Kageyama shuffled past them. 

      “He wants us to meet him at the library,” Kenma said as they walked up the aisle and out of the auditorium. 

      “Do you know what it's about?” Kageyama asked as they went down the stairs of the main building. 

      “Kinda,” Kenma said. “Probably just a special meeting telling us we can't leave the camp. Giving us a new schedule for border patrol.”

      “Ah,” Kageyama hummed. A particularly painful throb from his headache made him wince. Rubbing his head, Kageyama tried to ignore the pain and pretended he didn't see the look of masked concern on Kenma's face. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm doing this early update in honor of Kag's birthday and Christmas so Merry Christmas!!! this is most likely the last chapter for the year lol but what a chapter it is. some of you are going to love this chapter and some of you are going to hate it. i personally have been excited for this chapter for some time. 
> 
> *warning* lengthy descriptions of violence and explicit sexual situations

* * *

      It was still dark in his room when Kageyama woke up. Sitting up in bed, he pushed off his sheets feeling overly hot. His t-shirt clung to his back with sweat, and his hair felt like it was plastered onto the back of his neck and forehead. 

      The headache he had gone to sleep with hoping it would be gone when he woke, instead had matured into a full blown migraine. Cradling his head in his hands, he leaned forward on the bed, his body bent over his crossed legs. The sense of nausea that came with waking up recently seemed to double if he woke up in the middle of the night. No amount of drinking water or eating bread seemed to soak up the queasy feeling in his stomach. 

      Getting his stomach to settle for a moment, Kageyama got up off his bed, peeling off the sweat soaked clothes and pulling on whatever he could find in his room. Being there at the camp for as long as he had, he had acquired a few more domestic furnishings for his room. 

      Having occupied one of the bedrooms in the teachers quarters, his bedroom was a fair bit larger and more comfortable that the rooms in the dorm building where most people lived. His bed was lumpy old queen sized bed that he had taken care to repair and adjust whenever he could. It sat below a large window on the top most floor of the main building, overlooking the edge of the farmland and the beginning of the back forest. He had found and repaired an old wardrobe which sat on the right side of his room that housed all his clothes and possessions. Along the left wall was a slightly discolored, but surprisingly clean and comfortable, green couch with a small wooden coffee table in front of it. There were stacks of books with yellowed pages on the table and on the floor surrounding the couch each organized in a seemingly haphazard way. It was hot and a bit stuffy at times, but it was his. 

      Stepping around a small pile of books by his bedside, he gathered his sweaty clothes in a pile, plus the pile of dirty clothes at the foot of his bed, and exited his room, slipping on his sneakers as he left. Each step down the hot stairs felt like a spike in his head. Getting down to the basement as fast as he could, he turned towards the laundry room away from the Medical Center. He pushed the door open with his back turning into the room where he froze when saw it was occupied. 

      “Oh,” Kageyama gulped. 

      Wiping his mouth, Suga climbed off Daichi's lap from where he sat on one of the folding tables. He turned away from Kageyama, buttoning up his shirt. Daichi took the back of his hand to his mouth, wiping it off and sliding down off the table. They both adjusted their clothes avoiding looking Kageyama who just stood in the doorway awkwardly. 

      “S-sorry,” Kageyama stuttered averting his eyes. 

      “It's ok,” Suga said giving him a brief smile as he shrugged on his lab coat. “We should have known better.”

      “I'm pretty sure there's a curfew in place,” Daichi said with a knowing frown. 

      “Sorry,” Kageyama said walking over to the washing machine. 

      “It's ok, just don't make a habit of it,” Daichi sighed setting his hand on Suga’s lower back. “It’s not safe to be roaming around in the middle of the night.” 

      “I guess it’s safer to be hooking up in the middle of the night,” Kageyama said dryly, dumping his  clothes in the machine. 

      “Oh shit,” Suga giggled next to Daichi who choked indignantly. 

      “Sorry,” Kageyama exhaled, closing his eyes. He glanced over at Daichi who was frowning at him looking completely unamused, while Suga hide his smile behind his hand. “I have… a headache.” 

      “Then go to the Medical Center,” Daichi said flatly. 

      “I–I will, sir,” Kageyama nodded feeling guilty. Daichi walked out of the room without another word.

      “He’s stressed,” Suga said apologetically once Daichi left the room. He walked over to where Kageyama was organizing the clothes in the hand cranked washing machine. “You know that all this has been…” he took a deep breath and leaned against an unoccupied washing machine, “it’s not been easy on him.” 

      “Of course,” Kageyama nodding understandingly. “I was out of line. There is a curfew and I shouldn’t be walking around. I’m just… tell him I’m sorry for speaking like that to him.” 

      “I’m sure it’s already forgiven,” Suga smiled. “Considering what happened to you and what you witnessed… I’m sure he understands that you feel…”

      “Like shit?” Kageyama offered reaching over and grabbing the soap from the shelf next to the sink. 

      “Just a bit, yeah,” Suga nodded. “If you have a headache, I have some peppermint oil that might make you feel better. I mean, it’s no magic pill but it could help a bit.” 

      “It’s fine, I’m just,” Kageyama sighed. “I’ll be fine.” 

      “You know you can always talk to Akaashi you know,” Suga suggested. Kageyama rolled his eyes, as turned to sink to fill the bucket with water. “I’m serious, it might help you to talk about it.” 

      “No thanks,” Kageyama said dryly. “It’s a little late for therapy for me.” 

      “He’s there to just talk you know,” Suga said. “No pressure, you don’t even need to see him regularly. Even if you talk about what happened that other day, you might feel a little better.” 

      “Doubt it,” Kageyama said tightly, turning off the faucet once the bucket was full. Lifting it carefully, he poured the contents into the machine and brought it back over to the sink to fill it again. 

      “I talk to him. It helps,” Suga shrugged. Pausing in his motions, Kageyama glanced up at Suga who was looking at him with a friendly smile. It made Kageyama feel annoyingly guilty. 

      “Fine,” Kageyama gave in, looking at the overflowing bucket. He turned off the sink and poured the water into the washing machine. “I’ll go talk to him.” 

      “Thank you,” Suga smiled. “You’ll feel better. I promise.” 

      “Yeah,” Kageyama said feeling doubtful. 

      “I’ll see you later Kageyama,” Suga said patting his shoulder.  

      Kageyama waited until Suga had left the room and he heard the door close behind to let out a shaky breath. The nausea that he had woken up with only grew more intense and almost had him doubled over with the urge to vomit. Leaning over the basin of the washing machine, he took a few moments to breath carefully before churning the crank to wash his clothes. 

      As he scrubbed his clothes clean he tried to ignore the throbbing the headache he had, plus the nausea, and the general feeling of sickness he’d been dealing with for days. It seemed like each day he progressively got worse instead of better and he was beginning to grow concerned. Night sweats, headaches, nausea— everything felt like it was escalating. He was just afraid of what the next symptom would be. 

      Just as he was wringing out his clothes, and placing the damp clean clothes in the basket on the floor, he heard the door open behind him. Turning around out of instinct, his heart caught in his throat when he saw a shock of red hair frozen in the doorway. Brown eyes stared at him, and he could barely come up with a coherent thought. Before he knew it, Hinata was turning around and walking back out through the door. 

      “Wa–wait,” Kageyama managed, sticking out his hand. “I… I was just about to leave.” Hinata froze in the doorway, his hands gripping onto the small white plastic basket resting against his hip. Slowly Hinata turned in place, not looking up at Kageyama. 

      Quickly, Kageyama turned back to his clothes and dumped them unceremoniously into the basket. The lump in his throat grew as he saw Hinata walk over to a machine in his peripheral vision. Looking at him out of the corner of his eye, Kageyama saw him dump his clothes in the machine furthest from him. He bent down and picked up his basket of wet clothes and turned to leave. 

      But he paused before he could walk over to the door. This was the first time he’d been alone with Hinata in over a week. He’d been practically itching to talk to him. Images of Hinata lying underneath him on the hospital bed had been plaguing him for days. And every time he’d seen him, he wanted nothing more than to say something, anything about it. To make it real. But with each passing day it felt more and more like a dream, slipping through his fingers like a handful of dry sand he couldn’t quite hold onto. 

      “Hinata,” Kageyama began, his voice low and cautious. After a moment, Hinata stopped what he was doing and slowly turned in place, begrudgingly meeting Kageyama’s eye. “I wanted to…” He wasn’t even sure what he wanted. 

      “Yes?” Hinata sighed, raising his eyebrow at him. 

      “I wanted… to say I’m sorry,” Kageyama finished. 

      “You’re sorry?” Hinata repeated flatly. 

      “Yeah,” Kageyama swallowed. 

      “For?” Hinata pressed, looking incredulous. 

      “E–everything,” Kageyama said awkwardly. “Everything I guess.” 

      “Everything,” Hinata repeated with a nod.

      “Yeah,” Kageyama said again lamely. 

      “Well thanks,” Hinata said sarcastically. “I feel so much better now. Now that I know you’re sorry for everything.” 

      “You don't have to be like that,” Kageyama frowned. “I'm trying—”

      “Trying to why exactly?” Hinata bite out harshly. “You can't possibly believe that I'm going to care about your half hearted bullshit apology for God only knows what new horrible thing you think you've done to me that is deserving of an apology that I’ll even accept.” 

      “You don't…” Kageyama began unsure where he was going to continue the sentence. 

      “I don't  _ what _ Kageyama?” Hinata asked annoyedly. 

      “You don’t have to hear from me again,” Kageyama said thickly. “I just needed to say that I was sorry. For everything.”

      “What do you mean ‘you don't have to hear from me again’?” Hinata questioned angrily. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

      “I'm going to switch to border patrol,” Kageyama said making the decision in that moment. 

      “Oh god, this shit again,” Hinata rolled his eyes. 

      “I'm serious,” Kageyama said trying to sound sure of himself. 

      “You know what? Fuck you and your martyrdom, I'm over it,” Hinata said dismissively. 

      “It's not martyrdom,” Kageyama swallowed. “I think it would be best. I'm no longer… I can't be on the SMU anymore.”

      “What's going to border patrol going to do anyway? The SMU is temporarily assimilated into border patrol anyway, you're practically in BP as it is.”

      “No I meant, I want to be placed on the edge of the border. Somewhere where my mistakes don't matter as much.”

      “Are you seriously blaming yourself for what happened?” Hinata asked incredulously. “And what? Did you think you're gonna get sympathy from me? Fuck you.”

      “I don't want your fucking sympathy,” Kageyama said taking a predatory step forward. “I'm just informing you that you won't have to actively ignore me anymore.”

      “I'm not actively ignoring you, you selfish prick,” Hinata snarled, moving away from the washing machine and walking towards Kageyama angrily. “There's hundreds of other people in this camp—people that aren't you, that  _ maybe  _ matter more than you.”

      “I'm sure there are,” Kageyama said with a shrug, seeming to annoy Hinata even more. “I don't care if people matter more than me. I don't care if I matter or not. I'm saying that since I obviously bother you because you've been avoiding me, that you no longer have to go out of your way to not see me.”

      “What the shit are you even talking about avoiding you?” Hinata asked annoyedly. 

      “It doesn't matter,” Kageyama said tightly, feeling an awful churning in his gut knowing he was obviously the only one who remembered or cared about the night in the hospital. “I just… just was letting you know. As a courtesy.”

      With that, he gripped the basket of wet clothes in his hands and stomped off and out of the laundry room leaving Hinata fuming behind him. The anger that bubbled inside him pushed aside all his feelings of nausea and throbbing headaches. He stomped off up the stairs exiting towards the back of the building. 

      Pushing through the door to the outside, Kageyama huffed over to the clothing lines that he could barely see in the dark. Throwing his basket of wet clothes on the ground, it didn't matter that it was dark because he could barely see past the red and rage tumbling in chest. 

      All his interactions with Hinata were always in the extreme. They are either with super civil with each other or they needled each other into a rampage. Mixtures of the night in the hospital and their recent argument swam back and forth in his mind in a garbled, overcomplicated confusing mess. He grabbed his head finding he couldn't separate the feelings he was having from what he thought before. 

      “Hey! Kageyama!” Hinata called out angrily from behind him. “Fuck you, don't ignore me!”

      “What the fuck do you want?” Kageyama growled turning around watching Hinata stomp over to him. 

      “A courtesy!?” Hinata shouted coming within a foot of Kageyama. “A courtesy!? Fuck you! Fuck you, you fucking dick! Fuck you and your courtesies you want to give me! I fucking hate you!”

      “I don't really fucking care anymore,” Kageyama snarled at him taking a step forward, ignoring the fleeting thought to back away. The blinding rage in his veins fueled his aggressive step forward towards Hinata. 

      “Oh yeah well if you really didn't fucking care why the fuck do you feel the need to tell me you're leaving?” Hinata bit out. “As a courtesy? Fuck you!” 

      “I thought  _ you  _ would want to know, but don't confuse that with me caring about you,” Kageyama said shoving Hinata backwards a few steps. 

      “Oh don't worry I don't think that at all,” Hinata sneered shoving Kageyama back. 

      “Really? Then why did you need to ignore me?” Kageyama questioned bitterly stepping forward and getting in Hinata's face. 

      “Maybe, just maybe I didn't want to talk to you because I fucking hate you?” Hinata gritted out. 

      “You keep saying that but somehow I don't really believe you,” Kageyama snarled pressing forward against Hinata, their rage permeating the air around them. 

      “Oh you don't believe me huh?” Hinata's voice dripping with malice. 

      Kageyama didn't even have time to duck before the punch hit him straight in the mouth. Stumbling backwards, he brought his hand up to his mouth and felt the blood from his split lip dripping down his chin. He looked up and saw Hinata breathing heavily in front of him with blood covering his knuckles on his right hand. Kageyama reacted before he could think. 

      Lunging forward, Kageyama tackled Hinata to the ground with a heavy thud. Rearing back he brought his fist down one, two, three times on Hinata's face, each time producing more and more blood. As he brought his arm up for a fourth punch, he felt Hinata shift underneath him and flip them so he was on his back. 

      Kageyama's head hit the ground underneath him with a bang that was paired with the sickening crunch of Hinata's punch on his nose. Rolling his head to the side he jerked up his legs kneeing Hinata in the back as hard as he could. Hinata let out a groan and leaned forward in pain and that gave Kageyama the opportunity to headbutt Hinata as hard as he could sending Hinata doubling backwards. 

      Struggling to get up quickly while Hinata gasped for air on the ground, Kageyama wiped the blood pouring down his face on his sleeve as he stumbled forward. With his left hand he gripped the front of Hinata's blood covered shirt and lifted him up. He brought his hand down on Hinata's face dropping him back down on the ground with a thump. Again he reached for Hinata's shirt, lifting him up only to punch him again, his hands stinging with each hit. 

      Taking a deep breath, Kageyama took a moment to try to breathe before reaching to punch him again. But before he could do anything Hinata's leg kicked his, knocking him down on the ground. The bang of his head on the ground sent a spike of pain through his face and body, making him gasp desperately for air. He vaguely felt Hinata climb on top of him and grab the front of his shirt. Droplets of Hinata's warm blood hit his face as Kageyama struggled to get a clear breath. 

      “Do you believe me now?” Hinata growled bringing Kageyama's face up to his. 

      Kageyama spit blood in his face. “No,” he rasped. 

      “For your health you should believe me,” Hinata snarled, slamming Kageyama's head down on the ground. “As a courtesy.”

      “Fuck you,” Kageyama coughed wetly, turning his head to the side to try to breathe. 

      “God I hate you,” Hinata growled, his fists tightening their grip on Kageyama's collar. 

      “You keep… saying that,” Kageyama gasped, his hands weakly pulling at Hinata's hands on his neck. 

      “Because for some fucking reason you're not believing me,” Hinata roared tightening his hold on him. 

      “Well actions… speak louder… than words,” Kageyama rasped out weakly feeling choked by Hinata's hands. 

      “Oh yeah? And what are my actions saying?” Hinata yelled in his face. Kageyama couldn’t breathe to answer. “Huh!? What do my actions say!?”

      “You… you…” Kageyama gasped, his fingers trying to loosen Hinata's grip on him. 

      “I what!?” Hinata asked angrily, his hands loosening slightly on Kageyama's throat. 

      “You…”

      Hinata didn't even give Kageyama an opportunity to answer before he crashed their lips together. It took Kageyama a second to respond but once he did, the sheer force of primal need to kiss back was so overwhelming that Kageyama could only think about getting closer. Teeth and blood and hard breaths marred each hungry kiss that was every bit as aggressive as their fight. 

      He felt Hinata's hands move from his collar and slide down to grip onto his shoulders; his fingers biting into his skin with the same desperate persistence as his teeth drew more blood from his lips. Kageyama moved his body up to press hard up against Hinata's feeling the roughness of their clothes and dirt between them. He lifted his hand up to grip onto Hinata's back, pulling and scraping down his shirt as dragged his fingers down the fabric, not caring if he stretched it or tore it. 

      With a gasping breath, Kageyama twisted his head away, the feeling of blood and spit dripping down his chin as he tried to catch his breath. Hinata's teeth grazed down the side of his jaw and neck, pressing biting kisses on his neck. Moving his hand up to either side of Hinata's face, Kageyama pulled Hinata back up to push their mouths together. The metallic warmth of blood in his mouth and the heady scent of Hinata's skin filled his senses and it impossible for Kageyama to think properly. His sense of what he was doing and what he wanted seemed to be suspended, and his body seemed only to be responding to the animalistic surge of base desire emanating from Hinata's body. 

      His fingers dug into Hinata's skin on the back of his neck as they kissed more and more aggressively. Each clash of their lips and teeth felt just like exchanging punches. He could feel Hinata's body rutting up against his and he responded to each motion. It was all take from the both of them, neither of them willing to give an inch. 

      Pulling back suddenly, Hinata sat back, straddling Kageyama's hips. Unsure what to do, Kageyama's eyes darted across Hinata's face taking in the drying blood and swelling bruises, looking for a hint of his next move. But instead of running away, Hinata pulled up his shirt, wiping his nose and smearing the blood before taking the shirt of completely. 

      Panting heavily, Kageyama leaned up on his elbows and watched silently as Hinata began undoing the buttons and zippers on his jeans keeping eye contact with Kageyama. He stared as Hinata stood up and pulled off his clothes keeping his eyes on Kageyama the whole time. Swallowing thickly, Kageyama waited until Hinata knelt down again and began pulling at his shirt. 

      Following his lead, Kageyama let Hinata undress him, sitting up to pull off his shirt and lifting his hips when Hinata ripped off his jeans and boxers. Sitting up naked on the grass in the dark, Kageyama only had a moment to process what was happening before he had a lap full of naked Hinata, taking kisses from his mouth. Instantly all thoughts flew out of his head as they fought for dominance. Nails scraped down backs and teeth bit into lips as they pulled each other closer and closer. 

      He could taste and feel Hinata's aggression in each kiss. The way he dug his nails in his back and shoulders told Kageyama everything he needed to know about who was really in charge. Hinata took kisses from his mouth as he manhandled him down onto his back into the ground. Kageyama barely resisted as Hinata pushed him down with almost the same amount of force he used as when they were fighting. He flinched slightly as Hinata pulled back to lick a stripe down his hand before wrapping it around Kageyama's and his dicks. 

      With a breathy gasp into Hinata's mouth, Kageyama gripped tightly onto Hinata's waist as Hinata pumped the both of them roughly in his hands. Finesse and technique were ignored in favor of a more base need to come, and come hard. Kageyama felt Hinata's teeth graze down his neck, lapping at the mixture of dried spit, sweat and blood that dried there. His rough hands brought them rushing to orgasm as their sweat slicked bodies rutted against one another in the cool grass. 

      Dizzy from Hinata, his already obscured vision went completely black as he closed his eyes and released onto his stomach in Hinata's hand. As soon as he finished he felt Hinata release his grip on him to bring himself to orgasm, coming in thick white stripes on Kageyama's stomach on top of his own release. 

      Kageyama opened his eyes enough to see Hinata sitting back on his heels, still straddling his waist with his spent dick in his hands. Kageyama's hands slipped off Hinata's hips and fell onto the ground with a thud. He felt exhausted and the pain in his face that he had been ignoring while he and Hinata were fucking, rushed back to him in full force now that he came. 

      Finding it hard to breathe through the dried blood in his nose, Kageyama let out shallow labored breaths through his mouth, weakly feeling his face for the bruises that started to form. All the skin felt tender and it was painful to touch. As the feeling in his body began to return, all the pain hit him in full force and he began panting in pain. 

      Silently, Hinata slowly got off from on top of him, stumbling over to his clothes in the dark quiet of the outside. Kageyama could see him carefully getting dressed out of his not swollen eye. He swallowed, trying to wet his lips to say something but he couldn't find the strength to talk. 

      “I–I’m sorry,” Hinata said, his voice rough and low. “I shouldn't have… this didn't mean anything.” Before he could say anything, Hinata walked away back to the main building as quickly as he could. 

      Kageyama wasn't sure how long he stayed lying there in the cool dark August night. But once he heard the distant sounds of approaching footsteps of MAPs members on night patrol, he forced himself to move. As delicately as he could, he got up and pulled on his clothes again, wiping the come off his abdomen with one of his wet shirts, crumpling it in a ball to bring with him to wash again. 

      Deciding to leave hanging the rest of his wet clothes for the morning, Kageyama grabbed the basket and hobbled over to the back entrance to the main building. He quickly debated on whether or not to go to the Medical Center for his wounds, but decided against it in case Hinata had gone there. He took the stairs up to his floor slowly and carefully, stopping to breathe every few steps. By the time he reached his floor he could hear the muffled sounds of the early morning birds outside. 

      He stumbled into the bathroom, and turned on the sink just to splash some water on his face and clear off as much of the dried blood as he could. The room was far too dark to see and Kageyama didn't want to go through the hassle of lighting a candle so he felt his way out and down the hall, deciding that he'll see his reflection and the damage in the morning. 

      By the time he shuffled back to his room he was beyond exhausted. Now, on top of the pain in face, his headache had morphed into a full blown migraine which was only fueling the nausea that had come back in full force. 

      He felt awful and disgusted with himself that he let his lust and emotions get the better of him. Kageyama knew he taunted and pushed Hinata into doing what they did— both the fight and sex. It was what he had wanted and he didn't even think about Hinata past how much he wanted to punch him and how much he wanted to kiss him. 

      Laying in his bed, fighting the urge to vomit, Kageyama cursed himself for acting the way he had. He knew he'd been wreck since Hinata joined the camp. He had been lost the moment he went with the SMU to rescue Lev's friends in that piece of shit house they were hiding in. The moment he walked in and saw Hinata lying on the couch, in the grips of death, he was gone. 

      Everything in Kageyama's mind disappeared the second he took the first step towards Hinata. The only thought in his head was to get Hinata back to camp, back to safety. He needed Hinata to be safe. He needed Hinata to be ok. He needed Hinata. 

      It frightened him how much emotion had been dredged up by the sight of Hinata lying on that couch; emotions that he'd spent a decade squashing and ignoring. The feeling of Hinata's fevered, limp body in his arms was like a death knell for his sanity. He couldn't even bring himself to let him go as Tanaka had driven them back to camp. Kageyama remembered cradling Hinata in his arms like no time had past, feasting his eyes on the beautiful curves and lines of Hinata's face and marveling at how even after all these years and unimaginable hardships, he still managed to have an arresting beauty that shook Kageyama to his very core. 

      He remembered how he sat at Hinata's bedside that first night, indulging in the horror that was knowing that this could be the last time he saw him alive. Kageyama knew that it was a miracle beyond miracles that he found him again, after years and miles apart. He let himself cry over Hinata for the first time in years, tracing the features on his face, and lines on his hands with his fingers, trying desperately to memorize him one more time, just so he could last another ten years without him. He remembered only allowing himself one night, just one, to sit at his bedside and pretend for a while that Hinata would be happy to see him when he awoke. 

      Prying himself away from Hinata's bedside was the second hardest thing he'd ever had to do. Getting up and walking out of the medical center and leaving Hinata on the hospital bed still unconscious left him in hot burning tears that ripped through his body, leaving him a mess for the next day. He wanted nothing more than to go back and sit at his bed, holding Hinata's hand and waiting until he woke. But he knew he had no right to Hinata's life anymore. 

      Kageyama ran a hand through his hair, wincing as his hair caught on the cuts on his knuckles. His face throbbed with pain making his migraine worse. He felt so angry with himself for letting things go too far. He should have never goaded Hinata into a fight. And what happened next between them— Kageyama couldn't even think about. It made him feel sick to his stomach knowing that he pushed Hinata into that. 

      It was what he had wanted. He couldn't set aside his feelings for Hinata, and every time they interacted his emotions got the better of him.  Kageyama had thought perhaps he could control it; ignore the twisting in his gut when he saw Hinata. But being ignored by him for over a week was too much and he lost control. 

      Lifting his left hand above his face, he eyed the small geometric sun tattooed on the inside of his wrist. Fleetingly he thought how it didn't matter anymore if he hide it, Hinata obviously knew how he felt about him. He no longer could keep that hidden. Hinata was his sun. 

      But he touched the sun and burnt himself. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and i woke up this morning and thought "what if i just randomly and without warning, updated Post/Post?" and here i am
> 
> *warning* mentions of physical abuse

      “Nice face, did someone finally get tired of looking at your stupid, weird face?”

      Kageyama didn't look up, refusing to acknowledge the taunt. It wasn't his first time being picked on and it certainly wasn't going to be his last. Instead he pulled his coat tighter around himself, burying his face in his scarf. He stepped up his pace, counting the steps until he could get to the safe haven of the bathroom at school.

      “Hey, ugly-yama I'm talking to you,” the kid taunted from behind him. Kageyama just continued to ignore him, walking faster.

      “Maybe whoever fucked up his face also fucked up his ears,” another kid pressed. “Let's see if he can hear us.”

      There was a chorus of agreements behind him. Kageyama tried desperately to walk faster, tucking his face and ears into his scarf, begging to be left alone. The bruises on his face and back only throbbed more under his clothes.

      “Gay-yama. Where do you Tobi-blow all the guys after school?” the first kid teased. He was congratulated for coming up with such a clever insult.

      “Hey did you hear what he said queer?” another kid shouted shoving Kageyama's back making him stumble and almost fall. He knew from experience that screaming or running away or crying would do him no good.

      “This fucker thinks he can just ignore us,” one kid said angrily. Kageyama glanced up and saw the gate of the school across the street. He just has to get there and he'd be ok. He could out run them in there.

      “Maybe we should fuck him up more just like whoever did that to his ugly fucking gay fuck face,” another kid suggested.

      “Yeah, get him.”

      Hearing that Kageyama took off a sprint, hearing his bullies were hot on his heels right behind him. He pushed past other students walking and talking as they walked into the school grounds, not caring if he knocked someone down. He'd been caught by those kids before and he wasn't going to let them get him again.

      Running through the labyrinth of the school, Kageyama managed to jump into a supply closet and slam the door behind him before the other kids could catch up. Holding his breath, Kageyama watched through the slits on the door as the kids ran past the closet not even realizing he was inside. He waited a few minutes for the coast to be clear, before opening the door and coming out.

      “Why are you in the supply closet?” Kageyama heard his teacher ask him behind him.

      Slowly, he turned around looking up at the stern but concerned face of his literature teacher staring down at him. He opened his mouth to answer but he watched as the teachers face contorted into horrific concern when he saw the purples bruises on Kageyama face.  

      “What happened?” His teacher asked looking around his face.

      “N-no one— nothing,” Kageyama responded shaking his head. “It's nothing.”

      “How'd you get these bruises?” He asked concernedly.

      “I–I walked into a door,” Kageyama said weakly. “I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and I walked into a door. It's all my fault.”

      “Are you sure? Because they look like—”

      “I'm really ok, thank you,” Kageyama said cutting him off. He turned around and walked away, going towards his homeroom.

      He just needed to talk to Hinata. Every time he was chased by bullies in the morning or got into another fight with his dad, he just wanted to see Hinata. The urge to give in to the hysteria that was gathering in his chest was almost overwhelming as he made his way to his classroom. He didn't even see Hinata before he banging into him in the hallway.

      “Hey wat— Kageyama!” Hinata said excitedly . Immediately his face dropped from happy to deeply concerned when he saw the state of Kageyama's face. “Let's go somewhere else,” Hinata suggested tugging him by his coat sleeve towards the boys bathroom.

      Once they were inside Hinata grabbed a broom that had been left there and put it in front of the door handle so it couldn't be opened from the outside. Kageyama dropped his bag on the floor and unbuttoned his coat with shaky fingers. He threw his scarf and coat to the floor and bent over the sink, letting himself give in to the panic that had been building in his chest.

      “Babe,” Hinata said softly rubbing Kageyama's back gently as he took in short panting breaths. “It's ok. I'm here, it’s ok.”

      “They–they said they were gonna—fuck— fuck up my face more than whoever did this to me,” Kageyama panted, hyperventilating over the sink.

      “They're assholes Tobio,” Hinata said forcefully. “They don't know what they're saying. Just dicks.”

      “Wh–why do they hate me?” Kageyama asked through heaving breaths. He turned to look at Hinata who was staring at him not knowing what to say.

      “I–I don't know, Tobio,” Hinata breathed. “I don't know why people are they way they are.”

      “Everyone hates me. I'm worthless,” Kageyama frowned.

      “Did he say that to you?” Hinata asked seriously. Kageyama didn't answer but he knew Hinata understand his silence was a yes. “Tobio look at me.”

      Kageyama turned to face his boyfriend who was looking up at him with so much sympathy it almost made Kageyama feel bad for making him worry. His eyes searched Hinata's face; everything about him was perfect. He had a delicate beauty that made Kageyama weak at the knees. Everyone loved him and he was friends with everyone he'd ever met. So different from Kageyama.

      “You are not worthless,” Hinata said with fervor. “You are one of the kindest, most good natured people I've ever known.”

      “Stop,” Kageyama swallowed looking away.

      “I mean it,” Hinata pressed, turning his chin to look back at him. “Tobio I love you. And I wouldn't have fallen in love with someone who wasn't 100% good.” Kageyama look at him skeptically but the honesty in Hinata's eyes broke him down. “So please don't think you're worthless. You're everything to me. They don't matter. No one beside you and me. Forever and always.”

      “Forever and always,” Kageyama repeated back shakily nodding his head.

      Hinata gave him a small smile, caressing his uninjured cheek. He leaned up and pressed a light kiss on his lips, thumbing his cheek lightly. Kageyama kissed back, feeling vaguely selfish for taking so much comfort in Hinata's hands on him.

      “Less than a year,” Hinata said breaking apart. “We have less than a year to go. Then it's just going to be me and you.”

     

* * *

      Kageyama knew he had to throw up before he knew he was awake. Throwing himself out of bed, he ran towards his door and yanked it open, running down the hall towards the bathroom. He barely made it to the toilet before he puked the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

      Dry heaving for a few minutes afterwards, he eventually stood and flushed stumbling over to the sink to rinse out his mouth. Lifting his head up, he caught his reflection in the cloudy mirror.

      The entire left of his face was purple and bruised. There was no more dried blood on his face but his shirt had the remnants of blood and spit. His left eye was swollen and he had several cuts on his cheeks. His lower lip had a nasty gash that looked worse than it felt. He could admit he'd looked better. But he'd also looked worse.

      Washing his face and rinsing his mouth out, Kageyama pulled off his shirt and walked back to his room. He felt marginally better now having thrown up, but his migraine and facial pain seemed to have intensified as he slept. He walked back into his room chucking the dirty shirt off to the side and pulled on one of his last clean shirts.

      Kageyama was no stranger to pain. He'd spent a good portion of his teenage years in perpetual pain from one kind of bruise or another. He was good at hiding the marks, unless they were on his face. But it wasn't like he wasn't used to the odd looks he'd get for a shiner.

      And walking through the cafeteria in the early morning just as people began to filter in for breakfast, he got exactly those looks from the people around him. But he ignored them, as he always had, and marched straight up to where Daichi was sitting with Suga at the far right end of the room. Kageyama didn't even feel bad about interrupting their quiet conversation.

      “Lieutenant Colonel, sir,” Kageyama said loud enough for Daichi to look up immediately.

      “Kageyama— oh my god,” Daichi said looking horrified up at him. “What happened?”

      “I—” Kageyama looked between him and Suga who were looking him with grave concern. “I walked into a door.”

      “Kageyama this looks like you got into a fight, has anyone tended to your wounds?” Suga asked standing up and walking over to him.

      “With all due respect sir,” Kageyama said taking a step to the side, and out of Suga’s reach. “I'm fine and I’d rather not discuss this.”

      “But—” Daichi began.

      “Sir, I'd like to request a transfer to border patrol unit at the Forge,” Kageyama said getting out what he wanted to say before Daichi could continue. “Effective immediately if possible.”

      “Well,” Daichi swallowed, clearly caught off guard. “Since the SMU technically has been temporarily disbanded since the ban on travel outside the camp, I can't say no—”

      “Thank you sir,” Kageyama said nodding his head.

      “But you do understand those shifts, due to the nature of what you are guarding and the location, are 10 day long shifts?” Daichi continued.

      “I'm aware sir,” Kageyama nodded.

      “Something tells me that that's one of the motivators behind the request,” Suga said glancing back at Daichi. Kageyama only clenched his jaw and said nothing, ignoring a stab of pain, feeling Daichi’s eyes sweep his face.

      “Ok,” Daichi said somewhat reluctantly. “Transfer approved. Effective immediately. There’s the weekly supply shipment to the Forge today and one other security personnel being taken there for their shift, lucky for you. It leaves at 700 hours from the eastern gate.”

      “Thank you sir,” Kageyama nodded going to turn around to leave.

      “Oh and Kageyama,” Daichi added. “Go fix your face before you leave.”

      “Of course,” Kageyama sighed.

      Turning around, Kageyama wakes out of the cafeteria, ducking his head as to avoid making eye contact with anyone walking in. The last thing he needed was more concerned sympathetic looks. Putting his hand up to his face and covering up the worst of the bruising he took the stairs two at a time up the stairs towards his room, ignoring Daichi’s instruction to go to the medical center. He had no time and no patience to endure questions about how and why he was bruised and bloodied up. This wasn’t the first time he’d dealt with a shiner and split lip on his own; he’d live.  
Walking into his bedroom, Kageyama stumbled around his room, grabbing as much he could stuff into his duffle bag. Whatever clothes he had left that were clean and dry he stuffed in, tossing a few unread books on top. Zipping it closed, he grabbed his knife from in his top dresser drawer and placed it in its holster and attached it to his jeans. Sighing at the basket of wet clothes left on the floor in the corner of his room, he quickly laid them out around his bedroom before leaving, knowing they’d be dry by the time he came back.

      Kageyama took the stairs two at a time, sharp pain stabbing through his face and head with each step. But he was eager to get to the gate well before anyone else could see him. Luck was on his side as he exited the main building, heading for the eastern gate on foot rather than track down a golf cart. The sun had barely started to rise and it was still dark enough that anyone who was up and on their way to breakfast wouldn't be able to really see his face.

      The walk to the gate from the main building was took him at least 25 minutes, including the handful of pauses he had to make when he felt too nauseous. He made his way through the farming fields and past small barns and shed where they housed their animals. The few people that were already out working, tending to the fields and animals waved to him as he walked. Even after the few years he'd been living there he hadn't be able to get used to neighborly behavior; he just gave them a curt wave and tucked his head lower and walked faster.

      Once he reached the gate, he saw a jeep already loaded up and waiting. Three border patrol guards stood around the jeep, handguns and blades of varying sizes. Kageyama recognized Iwaizumi and Bokuto, both wearing tactical gear and bullet proof vests, he didn't know the third person they were talking to.

      It was a woman, much shorter than the two of the but looked equally as confident with the guns and blades. Her short brown hair was tucked behind her ears, and the hand that wasn't  resting on her hip was holding a small bag like Kageyama's. He hadn't seen her before but with they way that they were talking to her, it seemed like Iwaizumi and Bokuto knew her.

      “Oh Kageyama, you're our other guard?” Iwaizumi said surprised, once he saw him walking over.

      “Yeah,” Kageyama nodded, his voice dry.

      “Damn what happened to your face?” Bokuto asked looking at him in horror.

      “I ran into a door,” Kageyama mumbled, walking past them and tossing his bag into the jeep.

      “Some fucking door,” Bokuto whistled, leaning forward to inspect his face. “That door looks like it has a mean punch to it.”

      Gritting his teeth, Kageyama ignored his comments. He reached for the handgun that was laid out for him and fit it into the space between the back of his jeans and his shirt. Turning back to them, he saw that Iwaizumi and Bokuto were already heading to the ready the tall, complicated gate to be opened. The woman however, who watching him quizzically, as if she was trying to decode him. Swallowing uncomfortably, Kageyama looked away, before glancing back and seeing that she had stepped closer to him.

      “I don’t believe we’ve met,” she said sticking out her hand. He stared at her outstretched hand. She had well formed calluses on the palm of her hand, not unlike the one’s Kageyama had from using his gun. Her fingernails were cut incredibly short and she had a small grease line on her fingers.  Extending his own hand to shake hers, she caught sight of the bruised and cut skin on his knuckles just as she closed the distance and shook his hand. “I’m Hana.”

      “Kageyama,” he said, his voice low and quiet.

      “It’s nice to finally meet you,” Hana said releasing his hand. He gave her a brief confused look that she picked up on instantly. “I’ve seen you around at the camp. I got here a few weeks ago, and I’ve been on Border Patrol this whole time— still haven’t been properly introduced to most people here.”

      “I see,” Kageyama nodded, feeling vaguely uncomfortable. “It’s nice to meet you.”

      “You don’t have to lie,” Hana laughed, catching Kageyama off guard. “I can tell you’re uncomfortable, and with that ugly mug of yours I’m also gonna guess in a buttload of pain.”

      “Uh, kinda yeah,” Kageyama swallowed, shrugging.

      “It’s cool,” she waved dismissively. “I’d rather he just be honest with each other, especially if we have to be at the forge for over a week.”

      “Makes sense,” Kageyama agreed, squirming slightly in place. People who spoke for directly and without much filtering or couching made him with awkward. He wasn’t someone who could speak his mind to people he didn’t know.

      “Ok, we’re good. Everyone in the jeep,” Iwaizumi said, jumping down from the small platform where he and Bokuto were standing several feet above the ground and walked over to the driver’s seat and got in. Hana and Kageyama followed him in, getting into the jeep quickly. Hana slid into the passenger seat while, Kageyama sat in the back, in the middle seat. “Alright Bokuto, be ready to open the gate when you see me coming ok?”

      “You got it,” Bokuto said, getting a tighter grip around the thick braided rope of the gate pull.

      “Open her up,” Iwaizumi said turning on the jeep, the engine rumbling in the quiet of the early morning. With one heavy tug, Bokuto, jumped down from the platform, using his weight and momentum to open the gate with a loud clang. “See you later Bokuto,” Iwaizumi called out to him as he peeled through the open gate and into unincorporated and unfamiliar territory.

* * *

 

      “Go up to someone, say hello, get their number and then come back,” Sakura whispered into Kageyama’s ear. She held the collar of his burgundy sweater between her two fingers, not letting him move until he’d heard everything she had to say. “It’s not that hard. There’s so many guys here that would want to talk to you.”

      “I doubt that,” Kageyama swallowed, standing up properly as she released her grip on his sweater. His eyes swept the bar, taking in all the guys standing around drinking and talking.

      “Don’t sell yourself short,” she chided, hitting him gently with the back of her hand. “You’re a catch. I should know, I married you.”

      “Not the same,” Kageyama swallowed glancing around, feeling more nervous the longer he stood there. He caught the gaze of a man who looked only few years older, slightly taller, with warm brown eyes and confident grin, and dark brown hair buzzed cut short on the sides with  long blond hair that rested perfectly atop his head; he made Kageyama feel a combination of uncomfortable and excited.

      “That guy is cute,” Sakura whispered excitedly, seeing the guy who was now staring openly at Kageyama. “I’m gonna walk over there and you go talk to him.”

      “No no no, Sakura please don’t—”

      “Bye,” she smirked, picking up her drink and leaving their small table before Kageyama could stop her.

      Taking a deep breath, he glanced back up, and saw that the guy was adjusting his shirt and grabbing his drink. His heart caught in his throat when he saw the guy walk over, an extra drink in his hand, and came straight to Kageyama’s table. The blood rushing in his ears made the guy hard to hear when he introduced himself.

      “Um, I’m sorry what?” Kageyama said; he had seen the guy’s lips move but he had heard nothing.

      “I asked,” the guy chuckled, “if you drink beer. Because if you don’t I can bring this drink back and get you something else.”

      “Uh, beer is fine,” Kageyama said awkwardly.

      “Good,” he grinned, sitting down across from him and sliding him the full cup of beer. “For you.”

      “Thanks,” Kageyama said setting aside his mostly empty Jack and Coke, and reached for the cup full of a light frothy amber liquid. The cup was cold in his hand, his fingers leaving marks in the condensation as he brought the glass to his lips and took a long sip.

      “So,” the guys began, taking a sip of his own glass of beer, “can I get your name, or do I have to keep refering to you as ‘the married guy’ all night?”

      “Oh, um,” Kageyama gulped, thumbing the gold wedding band on his ring finger. He hadn’t even thought to take it off when Sakura suggested coming to the gay bar. “Kageyama.”

      “Miya,” he said smoothly, like his name alone was supposed to impress him. “So, Kageyama the married guy,” Kageyama frowned slightly at the nickname, “can I ask why your wife brought you to a gay bar?”  

      “How do you know she’s the one who brought me here?” Kageyama asked, feigning confidence.

      “Well,” Miya smirked, running his finger around the rim of the glass, “besides the fact that you guys are both wearing matching wedding bands? She’s watching us from that table over there.” He gestured behind him to a small table towards the back of the room where Sakura sat watching Kageyama and Miya interact from a safe distance. Rolling his eyes and blushing slightly, Kageyama looked down at his glass, trying to figure out if he should encourage the guy for his sake or his wife’s.

      “Um,” Kageyama began, biting his lower lip, “she brought me here because I’m gay.”

      “Cool wife,” he chuckled throatily; the sound was attractive in a way Kageyama hadn’t found attractive in a long time.

      “Yeah,” Kageyama smiled, nodding slightly. “She’s...she’s pretty cool.”

      “So is this your first time at a gay bar?” Miya asked, leaning forward on the table. He rested his right elbow on the table, letting his thumb just touch his jaw as his forefinger traced the line of his lower lip in a gesture that made Kageyama feel like he was being observed with the utmost scrutiny. But surprisingly enough, it didn’t make Kageyama feel more uncomfortable; it felt oddly good, like he was being seen as he actually was for the first time. The liberation in that was intoxicating.

      “Yeah,” Kageyama nodded.

      “So this is unincorporated and unfamiliar territory to you,” Miya smirked, motioning around the room vaguely with his other hand.

      “A bit yeah,” Kageyama shrugged, maintaining a slight smile.

      “Well I’d love to be the one to show you the ropes,” Miya said, putting down his hands gently on the table between them and sliding back into his chair more. He tilted his back back just enough to be watching Kageyama from heavy lidded eyes, and half grin. “Make things more… familiar to you.”

      “Really?” Kageyama breathed, trying to maintain his composure.

      “Yeah,” he grinned. “I’ve been known to be both informative and entertaining.”  Something about the way Miya spoke made Kageyama feel like there were layers of unsaid things under what they were really saying. “Do you trust me?” Miya asked like he never expected Kageyama to say no.

* * *

 

      Kageyama had only been to The Forge three other times during his stay at the camp. The first time was during a particularly bad snowstorm; the armory had been running low on ammo and they were in desperate need for bullets and blades. Not only that, but the people who had volunteered to stay at The Forge and guard it had almost run out of food. Kageyama had volunteered to go the mile hike through the forest in the snow, carrying food and supplies and bringing back ammo for the camp.

      The second time, the SMU had been chased by a hoard of CRITS on foot through the forest after they had lost their truck to giant trench in the ground. They had managed to escape and make it to The Forge in time to reload their weapons and take out the surrounding hoard.

      And the last time he had been there was the day they had found Lev in the woods. They had been coming back from picking up a full truck load new ammo when they had seen Lev stuck at the bottom of the ravine just off the main road.

      And as they drew nearer to the small abandoned town where The Forge was, Kageyama began to remember more about the last time he was there. Before awkwardness and confusion were his norm. Before he felt like he was losing his mind. Before he knew Hinata was alive.

      But so much had happened between then and now. It felt more like it had been years instead of months. Yet somehow it also felt like it had been just earlier this week. Like it was both a long time ago and recently at once. Things never really seemed to make sense when it came to Hinata for Kageyama. He never felt in control.

      “We're here,” Iwaizumi said pulling up in front of what looked like an abandoned bowling alley.

      The neon lights had long since broken and the name was only still visible from the dirt shape it left on the paint chipped cinderblock wall.  The windows looked like it had been broken into and then boarded up, but there was almost no upkeep on the safety. Grass and weeds had overgrown in the cracks of the sidewalk and vines had crept up the walls and engulfed the giant bowling ball and pin decorations that now lay against the wall on the ground from where they'd fallen from atop the small building. There were no signs that there had been any maintenance or that it was inhabited in anyway. Yet Kageyama knew they were in the right place.

      “Get your stuff, I’ll contact Mattsun,” Iwaizumi instructed turning off the jeep.

      Grabbing his bag, Kageyama stepped out of the truck. Grateful to be out of the confines of the camp after patrolling the border for so long without going out on a mission, he took in the prickly sense of freedom that only came from outside the walls. He glanced around the abandoned town, looking for any signs of CRITS or other life.

      He knew that despite that this little section of the abandoned town looked completely deserted, there were dozens of traps and setups in place to deter raiders and CRITS. It had been made with painstaking effort to appear abandoned, yet that was the genius in its design. They could operate undisturbed in their clandestine forge with little worry of having their things stolen or CRITS attacking.

      “Come on guys,” Iwaizumi said gesturing them to follow him around to the back of the building.

      Climbing over artfully placed debris and through overgrown weeds, they walked around the large bowling alley to the back. Iwaizumi led them to a clearly hidden door in the ground that led down to a basement of the bowling alley. The drop-door was covered in various foliage and debris making it difficult to distinguish it from the over parts of the ground. But what was particularly clever about the disguise was the fact that it was all glued onto a tarp which just needed to be slid back when getting, and pulled back with the cord when closing.

      Iwaizumi set it all aside with ease and undid the latch and opened the drop-door. Each of them climbed down the short ladder into the low lit basement. The cracked linoleum flooring was surprisingly clean and smelled of recent moping and still felt slightly wet under their feet.

      “Watch your step, some of that still might be slippery.” Kageyama turned and focused his eyes down the hallway, trying to get his eyes adjusted to the light. He could see a figure walking from the end of the hall, coming towards them carrying a weak flashlight. “We had a gastrointestinal crisis over there a few minutes ago. The floor might not yet be dry from the mopping.”

      “Was it you or Makki?” Iwaizumi teased him as pulled the drop door closed behind them with a long clang. “I’m betting it you Mattsun.”

      “Aw you know Makki has a sensitive stomach,” Mattsun said coming into full view in the dim light of the overhead fluorescents. The weak light of the flashlight Kageyama could see a slightly dirty, heavy plaster cast on his left arm, which had been covered in smeared black writing. He wore dust and dirt covered jeans that had several minor burn holes on the legs which matched the bigger and fractionally scarier burn holes in his equally dust covered tshirt.

      “True,” Iwaizumi shrugged adjusting the holster belt around his waist that held his handgun. “Lead the way?” he gestured down the hallway.

      “My pleasure,” Mattsun smirked turning in place and walking them towards the metal door he had walked in from, the weak circle of the flashlight leading them through. Kageyama and Hana exchanged a brief look before following Mattsun and Iwaizumi through the door.

      The door led to a narrow staircase that went both up and down, but Mattsun followed the stairs further down to where there was a faint glow of illumination gleaming from the distance. Kageyama pulled the strap of his bag further up on his shoulder and climbed down the stairs, ignoring the nausea that had been lying dormant for the past hour. Shuddering at the chill that racked through his body, Kageyama swallowed down the fleeting need to vomit as they reached the sweatering bottom level.

      “You good?” Hana asked quietly as they approached a intricately locked metal door.

      “Fine,” Kageyama said as convincingly as he could, making sure not to look over at her.

      “Alright boys— and…?” Mattsun began, glancing back from the door at them.

      “Hana,” she provided tightly.

      “Right, Hana,” Mattsun nodded turning back to the door. He pulled out a ring of keys and carefully began placing keys in locks and unlocking them, one after the other in the massive door.

      The heat on the lower level was practically suffocating, and Kageyama’s nausea only increased. He could practically see the heat lines coming off the metal of the door, the tiny porthole glowing an ominous orangey–red bleeding light into the tiny landing at the bottom of the stairs. The heat and the darkness were only worsening the minor dizziness he had, and Kageyama briefly wondered if coming here was a mistake.

      “Any day now Mattsun,” Iwaizumi teased as Mattsun fiddled with the last of the locks.

      “Relax,” Mattsun shrugged. “This door is a beast, and she needs to be stroked gently and thoughtfully for her to yield so we can enter into her red hot bosom.”

      “Ok, this is why you’re banished to The Forge and you’re not back at camp,” Iwaizumi grimaced. “It’s a door. Just open it.”

      “I’m trying, there are a lot of locks,” Mattsun said working on the last one. “We actually got this door from a bar a town over. Turns out in the basement of this sleepy little bar, they were having dog fights and they kept that shit locked down tight. True story.” Undoing the last lock, Mattsun forced the door open with a shrill whine of it’s hinges, opening to a sprawling basement weapons workshop. “Welcome to The Forge.”


End file.
